Growing tired.....

[ventana]

In the past 1/2 year I find myself growing more tired of work and intolerant of life in general.  COVID seems much worse.  Have gone from 4-5 mental health complaint visits per month to almost 40 per month.  
 

just wondering how other front line small pcp folks are holding up?  I recently went over the 1/2 century mark but honestly think a lot of my displeasure is more due to the community and energy of the day becoming  somewhat negative and certainly more intense.  
 

 

on this note.  No bickering, attacking, political statements or negativity allowed in this thread.  Not a bitch session just reaching out to other small pcp PA to see how everyone is doing.  
 

stay strong, chin up, this too shall pass.  (From my nana)

[Joelseff]

In the past 1/2 year I find myself growing more tired of work and intolerant of life in general.  COVID seems much worse.  Have gone from 4-5 mental health complaint visits per month to almost 40 per month.  
 
just wondering how other front line small pcp folks are holding up?  I recently went over the 1/2 century mark but honestly think a lot of my displeasure is more due to the community and energy of the day becoming  somewhat negative and certainly more intense.  
 
 
on this note.  No bickering, attacking, political statements or negativity allowed in this thread.  Not a bitch session just reaching out to other small pcp PA to see how everyone is doing.  
 
stay strong, chin up, this too shall pass.  (From my nana)

Always listen to your Nana!

But yeah I'm at a small private primary care practice and seeing the uptick in depression like complaints. I think a lot of ppl have cabin fever. Nothing major in my practice and my chronic MDDers are doing pretty well...

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk

[Boatswain2PA]

5 minutes ago, Joelseff said:

 I think a lot of ppl have cabin fever.

Cabin fever in the fall.  The leaves are barely falling.

Houston, we have a problem.  

[CAdamsPAC]

45 years ago was given the best advice ever about patients by the first PA I ever worked  with " you will see a lot of sick people, some of them will have a disease". I have never forgotten this pearl nor has he been proven incorrect in my 33 years of PA practice.

[GetMeOuttaThisMess]

And to think that I bailed last year because I couldn't stomach another flu season where the patients knew better than the tests (maybe) and the provider...

[rev ronin]

Confirmed, definitely more mental health complaints, far bigger spike in anxiety rather than depression.

[dream2pa]

new grad PA here working in small mom n pop clinic. Not only I have to deal with socioeconomic issues , crazy patient but with the toxic office culture as well. I am expected to see train wrecks , complex patients without any supervision or training. Each passing day , I am just more and more unhappy. I feel dumb every single day ....   

 

 

[sas5814]

It has been a weird year and I share some of your fatigue with the world in general. For most of my life I have crashed into problems with abandon assuming, whatever it was, I was going to work through it and be fine. I didn't know the meaning of the word anxiety.

Now I find I worry more and have outright anxiety about sometimes simple things and sometimes things I have no control over.

I don't know why. I think it is a combination of the whole COVID thing, having been unemployed for a while for the first time since I was 12 years old, and the loss of friends and family as well as their worsening health problems despite the fact I am pretty darn healthy. I guess I just don't feel bullet proof anymore.

I am continuing to work on letting small things go. I'm a bit OCD and like clean, neat, organized, and things just done right. I'm learning to get a little perspective. That dishes were left in the sink last night is trivial compared to my oldest and dearest friend calling me yesterday to tell me his prostate cancer may have metastasized. I'm developing a better sense of scale in regards to what is important.

I spend much more time with my family, particularly grand kids, and my old friends who live in different states and I don't get to see them enough. I do this proactively. No sitting and pouting because they aren't reaching out to me (assuming they aren't).

I stay active. I'd rather take a kick in the nards than exercise but I enjoy productive physical labor. I have a long list of projects that will keep me busy for a while.

I look for opportunities to do 2 acts of kindness every day. It doesn't have to be anything big. Hold a door open. Say something nice to someone. One day I helped an old guy load stuff into his truck at Lowes because it was heavy and he was alone. Kindness multiplies itself.

I limit my exposure to the news. I used to read 3 or 4 different news sites 3 or 4 times daily. Now I scan through Google news while I'm having my morning coffee and then I'm done for the day.

I spend a little time in forums like this because sometimes I get to help someone else and sometimes someone helps me. Mostly it reminds me I'm not alone in my problems or worries. Isolation breeds despair and that should be avoided at all costs.

I have a couple of young PAs I'm "mentoring". Mostly I just give them my opinions and share my experiences but I think it has some value.

I have resumed my oldest and most enjoyable hobby....motorcycling. I sold my bike last year because we wanted a bigger house and I wanted to get rid of the loan. I didn't realize how much I missed riding until I recently paid cash for a much less expensive bike and started riding again. Nothing clears the cobwebs out of my head like an hour or 2 of sunshine and wind.

So that's how I'm trying to survive in these mad times....it's working out OK.

[CAAdmission]

10 minutes ago, dream2pa said:

 I feel dumb every single day ....   

This isn't on you, this is a bad boss. If a place hires new grads, they have to be prepared to invest time in developing them. 

[sas5814]

14 minutes ago, dream2pa said:

new grad PA here working in small mom n pop clinic. Not only I have to deal with socioeconomic issues , crazy patient but with the toxic office culture as well. I am expected to see train wrecks , complex patients without any supervision or training. Each passing day , I am just more and more unhappy. I feel dumb every single day ....   

 

 

Not to hijack the thread but you need to keep looking for a new place to be. This happens all too often for my liking and it isn't your fault. It isn't good for you and it isn't good for patients. Keep your head down, provide the best care you can and refer when YOU need to. Find a better place to be.

[dream2pa]

17 minutes ago, CJAdmission said:

This isn't on you, this is a bad boss. If a place hires new grads, they have to be prepared to invest time in developing them. 

  

I barely see my SP. Clinic staff has never worked with a new grad before and they low key ridicule me on my shortcomings .. so hard to find a new job at this time. 

 

[ventana]

4 hours ago, sas5814 said:

It has been a weird year and I share some of your fatigue with the world in general. For most of my life I have crashed into problems with abandon assuming, whatever it was, I was going to work through it and be fine. I didn't know the meaning of the word anxiety.

Now I find I worry more and have outright anxiety about sometimes simple things and sometimes things I have no control over.

I don't know why. I think it is a combination of the whole COVID thing, having been unemployed for a while for the first time since I was 12 years old, and the loss of friends and family as well as their worsening health problems despite the fact I am pretty darn healthy. I guess I just don't feel bullet proof anymore.

I am continuing to work on letting small things go. I'm a bit OCD and like clean, neat, organized, and things just done right. I'm learning to get a little perspective. That dishes were left in the sink last night is trivial compared to my oldest and dearest friend calling me yesterday to tell me his prostate cancer may have metastasized. I'm developing a better sense of scale in regards to what is important.

I spend much more time with my family, particularly grand kids, and my old friends who live in different states and I don't get to see them enough. I do this proactively. No sitting and pouting because they aren't reaching out to me (assuming they aren't).

I stay active. I'd rather take a kick in the nards than exercise but I enjoy productive physical labor. I have a long list of projects that will keep me busy for a while.

I look for opportunities to do 2 acts of kindness every day. It doesn't have to be anything big. Hold a door open. Say something nice to someone. One day I helped an old guy load stuff into his truck at Lowes because it was heavy and he was alone. Kindness multiplies itself.

I limit my exposure to the news. I used to read 3 or 4 different news sites 3 or 4 times daily. Now I scan through Google news while I'm having my morning coffee and then I'm done for the day.

I spend a little time in forums like this because sometimes I get to help someone else and sometimes someone helps me. Mostly it reminds me I'm not alone in my problems or worries. Isolation breeds despair and that should be avoided at all costs.

I have a couple of young PAs I'm "mentoring". Mostly I just give them my opinions and share my experiences but I think it has some value.

I have resumed my oldest and most enjoyable hobby....motorcycling. I sold my bike last year because we wanted a bigger house and I wanted to get rid of the loan. I didn't realize how much I missed riding until I recently paid cash for a much less expensive bike and started riding again. Nothing clears the cobwebs out of my head like an hour or 2 of sunshine and wind.

So that's how I'm trying to survive in these mad times....it's working out OK.

perfect reply with a number of things I will try.....

[CAdamsPAC]

On 10/7/2020 at 12:04 PM, sas5814 said:

It has been a weird year and I share some of your fatigue with the world in general. For most of my life I have crashed into problems with abandon assuming, whatever it was, I was going to work through it and be fine. I didn't know the meaning of the word anxiety.

Now I find I worry more and have outright anxiety about sometimes simple things and sometimes things I have no control over.

I don't know why. I think it is a combination of the whole COVID thing, having been unemployed for a while for the first time since I was 12 years old, and the loss of friends and family as well as their worsening health problems despite the fact I am pretty darn healthy. I guess I just don't feel bullet proof anymore.

I am continuing to work on letting small things go. I'm a bit OCD and like clean, neat, organized, and things just done right. I'm learning to get a little perspective. That dishes were left in the sink last night is trivial compared to my oldest and dearest friend calling me yesterday to tell me his prostate cancer may have metastasized. I'm developing a better sense of scale in regards to what is important.

I spend much more time with my family, particularly grand kids, and my old friends who live in different states and I don't get to see them enough. I do this proactively. No sitting and pouting because they aren't reaching out to me (assuming they aren't).

I stay active. I'd rather take a kick in the nards than exercise but I enjoy productive physical labor. I have a long list of projects that will keep me busy for a while.

I look for opportunities to do 2 acts of kindness every day. It doesn't have to be anything big. Hold a door open. Say something nice to someone. One day I helped an old guy load stuff into his truck at Lowes because it was heavy and he was alone. Kindness multiplies itself.

I limit my exposure to the news. I used to read 3 or 4 different news sites 3 or 4 times daily. Now I scan through Google news while I'm having my morning coffee and then I'm done for the day.

I spend a little time in forums like this because sometimes I get to help someone else and sometimes someone helps me. Mostly it reminds me I'm not alone in my problems or worries. Isolation breeds despair and that should be avoided at all costs.

I have a couple of young PAs I'm "mentoring". Mostly I just give them my opinions and share my experiences but I think it has some value.

I have resumed my oldest and most enjoyable hobby....motorcycling. I sold my bike last year because we wanted a bigger house and I wanted to get rid of the loan. I didn't realize how much I missed riding until I recently paid cash for a much less expensive bike and started riding again. Nothing clears the cobwebs out of my head like an hour or 2 of sunshine and wind.

So that's how I'm trying to survive in these mad times....it's working out OK.

Keep at it Scott, you are not alone.

 

[UGoLong]

On 10/7/2020 at 11:53 AM, dream2pa said:

new grad PA here working in small mom n pop clinic. Not only I have to deal with socioeconomic issues , crazy patient but with the toxic office culture as well. I am expected to see train wrecks , complex patients without any supervision or training. Each passing day , I am just more and more unhappy. I feel dumb every single day ....   

 

 

I'm not there so I don't know exactly what you're going through but it doesn't sound all that different from how I felt when I was starting out. My boss was busy and often was somewhere else, but that's why they hired me. I felt inadequate at times but was fortunate to have another PA who I could talk to.

There are a lot of pressures to go fast but sometimes the situation warrants that you slow down and just handle what's in front of you the best that you can. "Go as fast as you can, but no faster" is how another provider described it. I also realized that I was there to do the best I could and, if that took longer than it would for a more experienced provider, then that just had to be OK whether I -- or anyone else  -- wanted it to be otherwise. I start judging myself by the good I could do, not by comparing myself to some ideal that I was not ready to be. I tried to tune out the rest of the office. Slowly I got more confident and productive.

I'm guessing that this describes a lot of our experiences. Don't give up on yourself or look too hard for external things to blame. A crappy office or a poor supervisor definitely are reasons to think about moving on but be sure that's the problem and not the natural evolution of your brand-new clinical skills.

Edited October 18, 2020 by UGoLong

[hemegrupe]

Some great pearls of wisdom in this thread! Everyone has given so much pertinent advise. The one thing I would think to add is ...

Dance. Dance in place where you are. Encourage your patients to dance at home. Stay limber, raise the endorphins, keep a positive attitude, utilize music. Remember that even forcing yourself to smile will likely improve your emotional state. Can you imagine what a little dancing might do? Gets the blood pumpin' and it feels GOOD. 

I always try and remember that the molecules in the air are moving around 500 m/s (nearly ONE THOUSAND mph!). Things are moving FAST, even when things feels slow, even among our personal doldrums. It's not always easy to click in to that, but dancing is a great way to start. Exercise is great, but dancing is FUN.  

Utilize the harmonies of the spheres, remember the miracles of energy, and sometimes ... just dance and blend with all of those strengths. Even a few minutes, ESPECIALLY when your body and mind say 'nahhh I don't wanna, I wanna commiserate in my misery a little longer, there's gotta be something else, I'm searching ... I'm searching ...'

JUST. DANCE. 

[sas5814]

"There are a lot of pressures to go fast but sometimes the situation warrants that you slow down and just handle what's in front of you the best that you can."

 

In my new position I am in charge of weekly training for the Emergency Response Team. We start every meeting with my favorite work related mantra... slow is smooth. Smooth is fast.

Take the time, whatever it takes, to do it right the first time. It is way easier than doing it twice or explaining why and how you screwed it up.

Edited October 18, 2020 by sas5814

[Lucy199]

I can relate to so much of all of this.... I find something that is interesting and unique to us providers and something I'd call "awareness fatigue". I (and we) are hyper-aware of covid, at all times, it never goes away. Whether I'm at work or at home I am constantly thinking about which patients or people I should have a higher suspicion for. I'm not comfortable hanging out with large groups of people, and often times not even small groups of people, even outside. There has been a massive hit to my families social life whereas so many of my friends and family members had begun to relive their lives in the blissful ignorance that covid is "not that bad anymore". But I cannot escape the thought that one bad move could result in me infecting at risk family members and it is EXHAUSTING. I am so grateful to be working and being in a specialty where furloughs were non-existent, but man the day this is over or even the first day that I realize "I haven't thought of covid for a week" I will probably break down in tears. I'm very proud of what we all do and what we have endured through all of this. As with every pandemic that has hit the US, this will be over at some point....Hopefully, the day after the election (I'm sorry, I had to)

[ohiovolffemtp]

Maybe the tone of the reporting on COVID-19 will change after the election - maybe.  For those of us who actually deal with it and understand the stats, it won't change until the massive distribution of an effective vaccine lowers cases counts significantly.  I don't expect this before next summer at the earliest.  For better or worse, the news media sells hype to get the attention and viewers/readers to make money by selling advertising.  So, it will take something else being more interest grabbing to divert attention from COVID-19 and the political environment.