Need to get out

[Joelseff]

I take escitalopram daily, as a preventative medication.  It prevents me from telling patients to GTFO of the clinic.  

I almost blew my coffee out my nose when I read this... Dude... [emoji23]

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[UGoLong]

6 hours ago, pa10000010 said:

I appreciate everyone's advice. Thank you for taking the time to reply.  

I've come to loathe everything about medicine. The longer I work in medicine the more I hate it. I'm probably going to die of an easily preventable disease because I don't want to see any medical professional. I know this view is not healthy, which is why I've been working on it. 

I've been looking at other jobs but this job is easy, in a sense. If I just shut up and do what I'm told I can get through it. I get paid well for doing what the docs don't want to do. 

I don't know what I want to do... I'll probably just suck it up and continue doing what I'm doing 

No: don't do that! "Suck it up" may sometimes be a good short term strategy (like in school or basic training), but not for the long haul. You just keep denying your inner voice, wandering even further off course, and increasingly believing that this really is all there is for you in  life. Nothing could be further from the truth.

You are not a cog in someone else's machine, destined to work at something you've grown to hate with no recourse. If you don't know what to do next, make some time. Change your work schedule -- or your employer (not a bad idea anyway!) -- to free up a day every week or two. Then use that time to try something new, even if only in a little way. A class, a volunteer job, walking in the woods, job shadow a friend in another profession: whatever.

New ideas tend to strike you when you make time for them to show up. Trying something new -- even in a small way -- is a good way to explore yourself and, ultimately, find out what you want to be next for you.

Good luck from a fellow wanderer (about 30 years ago).

[pa10000010]

16 hours ago, UGoLong said:

No: don't do that! "Suck it up" may sometimes be a good short term strategy (like in school or basic training), but not for the long haul. You just keep denying your inner voice, wandering even further off course, and increasingly believing that this really is all there is for you in  life. Nothing could be further from the truth.

You are not a cog in someone else's machine, destined to work at something you've grown to hate with no recourse. If you don't know what to do next, make some time. Change your work schedule -- or your employer (not a bad idea anyway!) -- to free up a day every week or two. Then use that time to try something new, even if only in a little way. A class, a volunteer job, walking in the woods, job shadow a friend in another profession: whatever.

New ideas tend to strike you when you make time for them to show up. Trying something new -- even in a small way -- is a good way to explore yourself and, ultimately, find out what you want to be next for you.

Good luck from a fellow wanderer (about 30 years ago).

I can't really free up days as I'm M-F 9-5. But I have the evenings and weekends to do something. Honestly if I didn't have student loans, I'd quit and work retail. How hard is it to go back to school?

[UGoLong]

You can go back to school virtually anytime.

I started PA prereqs at 51 and PA school at 58. Before that, I got a master's starting when I was 27. With night classes in CC, even people with day jobs can do something new. I kept mine until I actually started PA school.

Just don't lose hope. Take some time to find something to move toward, rather than dwelling on running away from your current life.

Good luck. You can find your way. Just be patient with yourself.

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[GetMeOuttaThisMess]

20 hours ago, Joelseff said:

I almost blew my coffee out my nose when I read this... Dude...

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He just misses his daily noontime diaper changes that I gave him.  If he knew that I had eaten my last Smucker's crustable PB&J I'd hate to think of where he'd be.  

Edited November 7, 2019 by GetMeOuttaThisMess

[pennylv]

I totally understand how you are feeling. And feeling stuck is not a good feeling at all. It makes you feel hopeless. After 5 yrs of being a PA and one malpractice suit, I’ve become very disillusioned with healthcare and medicine. I’ve looked into changing jobs/specialty but the reality of it all is that our healthcare system is messed up...like bad(I’m in UC/FM). People say to “find your passion” and “do what you love” but sometimes it’s easier said than done. What has helped me is to research whats out there so I know I have options, healthcare related or not. You WILL be stuck if you make yourself stuck. Set aside 1-2 hrs on your weekend for personal development and check out what’s out there. My goal now is to work for myself and have my own business. 

[Cideous]

1 hour ago, pennylv said:

I totally understand how you are feeling. And feeling stuck is not a good feeling at all. It makes you feel hopeless. After 5 yrs of being a PA and one malpractice suit, I’ve become very disillusioned with healthcare and medicine. I’ve looked into changing jobs/specialty but the reality of it all is that our healthcare system is messed up...like bad(I’m in UC/FM). People say to “find your passion” and “do what you love” but sometimes it’s easier said than done. What has helped me is to research whats out there so I know I have options, healthcare related or not. You WILL be stuck if you make yourself stuck. Set aside 1-2 hrs on your weekend for personal development and check out what’s out there. My goal now is to work for myself and have my own business. 

And yet you will find people even here on these boards that refuse to entertain any fundamental changes away from the profit driven medical system we have.  Stunning really.

It's about $$$$$$$$$$$$.  Period.  And not for the people who actually provide the healthcare and their ancillary staffs, but for investor groups, corporations, insurance companies, the drug companies and hospital groups.  Those of us on the bottom are left to feed off of their scraps.  It's nauseating. 

Edited November 7, 2019 by Cideous

[pennylv]

32 minutes ago, Cideous said:

It's about $$$$$$$$$$$$.  Period.  And not for the people who actually provide the healthcare and their ancillary staffs, but for investor groups, corporations, insurance companies, the drug companies and hospital groups.  Those of us on the bottom are left to fee off of their scraps.  It's nauseating. 

Agree. I didn’t realize it until I started practicing. 

[rev ronin]

1 hour ago, Cideous said:

And yet you will find people even here on these boards that refuse to entertain any fundamental changes away from the profit driven medical system we have.  Stunning really.

Really?  I'm not recalling seeing that--even when lots of folks differ over what a better solution is, I've observed that the perception the current system is broken is pretty universal.

[UGoLong]

Pretty much all private sector jobs involve making as much money as you can for whichever organization you work for since that's what they're all about.

Three observations after a half-century of work:

1. Each organization seems to have its own particular balance between doing a good job for its "customers" and making money for the Mother Ship. 

2. You probably won't live long enough to see any given organization's problems solved to your satisfaction.

3. All jobs are not the same; find one you mostly like.

That said, I recommend that you find an organization whose balance between profit and service you agree with, work for a nonprofit/not-for-profit (though you may be surprised how much they are revenue-oriented, too), work for a government agency, or start your own organization.

In my case, I work for a doc who has a balance I can buy into and -- at least a few times every day -- I know why I'm there.

Edited November 9, 2019 by UGoLong

[Guest Paula]

To the OP:  It sounds to me you need counseling.  Are you suicidal?  If you hate it so much get out and go work retail.  Or go back to school.  Or create something , paint a picture, forget about medicine and realize not everyone makes the right decision for a career .  It'll be ok.  

[GetMeOuttaThisMess]

I’m not sure that I made the right decision thirty eight years ago either. Sure, there were some dark periods. Employee health made it survivable over the past 13 years or so of direct care. What got you into this rabbit hole of a career to begin with?

[Mayamom]

3 hours ago, GetMeOuttaThisMess said:

I’m not sure that I made the right decision thirty eight years ago either. 

38!!! Holy crap.  

[pa10000010]

21 hours ago, GetMeOuttaThisMess said:

I’m not sure that I made the right decision thirty eight years ago either. Sure, there were some dark periods. Employee health made it survivable over the past 13 years or so of direct care. What got you into this rabbit hole of a career to begin with?

Mainly opportunities brought me to this point. I was doing biomed as under grad and wasn't sure what to do. I know someone who's a PA, recommended that, got into PA school. During PA school I wanted to quit (I felt that I was too stupid) but everyone just said to push through. First job, was close to my parents, but hated it (felt that I was subpar for the job) pushed through. PA friend had job offer in psych thought changing fields would help (thought I did well with my psych rotation, questionable). Nope. Thought maybe the field was ok but the place was the problem so went to a different place. Nope. Everyone just tells me to push through. Which isn't terrible advice as I am able to support myself and the job hasn't said anything to me about performance.

[boli]

I graduate from PA school in about 8mo. Is this what I have to look forward to? 

[ohiovolffemtp]

11 hours ago, boli said:

I graduate from PA school in about 8mo. Is this what I have to look forward to? 

Not necessarily - totally depends on the match between you and your job.  But, remember both you and your work environment can and will change over time.  UGOLong described it well.  So, always be re-evaluating whether your current job is still the right job.  Pick your first job based on your ability to learn and grow.  The job market for the PA with 5 years experience is very different than that for new grads.  Be willing to switch jobs once you've gotten to that point.  Don't just stay where you are - always keep looking around.  You may not change jobs, but you'll be far more comfortable knowing what trade-offs and alternatives there are.

[rev ronin]

On 11/15/2019 at 8:21 AM, boli said:

I graduate from PA school in about 8mo. Is this what I have to look forward to? 

Probably not.

Seven years in, I am being asked to work more hours by all three of my part-time jobs, and named my own salary at the last two.  I love all three of them, because each different practice environment challenges me and allows me to help people in different ways.  At the same time, I'm scrambling to finish my fourth Masters' because I'm so busy doing stuff I love with my three PA jobs, my fire department, and my county EMS system,

However, as a 13-year veteran of a Fortune 100 company, I know how to negotiate, how to say "No", how to say "yes, but...", and know when walking away is the only reasonable option.  Two of my three jobs sought me out and rehired me after I'd left, with better pay and substantial improvements in the issues that prompted me to leave--although, in fairness, I grew to appreciate the good things I missed about those practice environments once I had been away from them for a year or so.

I am finally making as much money as I did in the IT security role I left to enter PA school.  It's been rough at times, but I would never go back.  There have been grumblings and rumblings about market saturation, scope of practice, stupid regulations, and the like ever since I started participating in this forum over 10 years ago as a pre-PA student, but you know what?  I already had financial success--I just wanted to keep my family physically and financially intact while I did stuff that made a difference to real people's lives.  If that's your motivation, there is probably about as much opportunity for you as there was for me.

[sas5814]

On 11/7/2019 at 9:26 AM, pa10000010 said:

How hard is it to go back to school?

I started college for the first time when I was on active duty in the 82nd Airborne. I went at night 4 days a week and on Saturdays when our training and deployment cycles permitted. I got my associates degree this way.

If you think your schedule is too crowded to go to school imagine doing it when your day starts with PT at 0530 and ends when your class is over at 2100. 

The point being if you want it...it can be done. Stop thinking about why it can't be done and start figuring out how it can.