Moving while married

[OPA2NPA]

Looking for advice.

I am from the east coast and I am admitted to a school in the west coast. I am also admitted to a newer program closer to home with a much lower first time pass rate, cost $20,000 more, and limited/expensive housing option.

My choice is to move out west since it makes financial sense. However, my wife doesn't like the idea of leaving her family and moving across the country. She states: "You'll be in school 24/7, all I am asking is to at least have my family around."

Has anyone dealt with a situation like mine? BTW, I would be moving from Boston MA to Portland Oregon. Also, my wife is a nurse who will have one year of med-surge experience by the time I start school

[pastudentw]

My husband and I actually moved across country (from west to east coast) one month after getting married. Both of our families are back home.

Most of the time, I'm very grateful that I'm no where near all my family. I'm very close with them and I know it would have been a huge source of distractions if I had gone to school locally. It makes life much easier for me because I don't always have to say "no" to things I would have normally been invited to.

My husband works full time and is really easy going. I know it would be nice for him to be around family and friends since I'm mostly just studying every night and weekend, but he has found ways to entertain himself and we grown a lot from being out here separated from family. You will be able to visit home during school breaks which I have found always energizes me going into the next semester.

I obviously don't know exactly what to tell you but I think you have a logical thinking going on by wanting to go to a cheaper school with a better PANCE pass rate. But it is also important that your spouse is happy and comfortable with where they are because you won't be able to spend as much time with them.

What is the comparison of PANCE pass rates? Are we talking a few percent or a huge gap?

[OPA2NPA]

Thank you for sharing your input!

The schools are MGH (88% first time pass rate on the PANCE) and OHSU (98% pass rate). 

 

 

[AbeTheBabe]

My wife and I moved from west coast to east coast the day after we got back from our honeymoon. Both had never left our parents house. She was very hesitant about leaving (she cried when she found out lol). I was on the waiting list for a school about an hour away, but once we started the drive out east I called them and told them to take me off the list so I won't have to make a decision like yours. It was very hard for her the first 6 months, but in the end she ended up loving it out there and was so glad we got to live in our own and do our own thing away from family. Luckily, she is in HR and her company allowed her to work from home. Also, she did her Masters in HR online. I can't stress enough how important it was that she had something to do after work as I didn't have the time to hang out after class for more than an hour or so a night. Hopefully she can pick up a hobby or have something to do or make friends with the other wives from guys in your class.

[UGoLong]

One week after returning from our Honeymoon, my wife and I loaded everything we owned (not much) into a two-wheeled U-Haul and moved 500 miles from home so I could go to graduate school. We quickly found that, when we were together, everything around us was “home,” no matter where we were physically.

She got a job and, together, we met met new friends. We became midwesterners, and still are. We will be married 50 years next summer.


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[JMPAC]

We quickly found that, when we were together, everything around us was “home,” no matter where we were physically.

We will be married 50 years next summer.


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Aww! :)

[JMPAC]

I say move for cheaper tuition. As someone on the other side who is facing their loans, I think you will be glad you did. Also, Portland is pretty awesome. It’s not like you’re asking her to move somewhere terrible. There is a lot to do and I think people are pretty friendly.
My SO and I have done a few moves and they’ve been great experiences. We moved to a different state with no family on our one year anniversary and it was one of the greatest times. We weren’t in school yet, but we spent tons of time together exploring a new place and really became “us” while we were out on our own and making our own life together.
You’ll be studying a lot in school, but you’ll also have time to explore a new place with her. There are breaks and weekends. We became close friends with our classmates and their significant others. And the significant others became friends with each other.
The main thing is that cheaper tuition, though. Haha

[MT2PA]

I see her point but wonder if there are more questions to be asking/options available.

Do you plan to return to the east coast after school?  If yes, is it an option for you to move out to OR solo?  May not be cheaper that way, but you get the better program and your wife gets to be with her family and you can focus on school without the guilt.

If you plan to stay on the west coast or go somewhere new altogether, sell her on the idea of A: built in social network with your new classmates (I'm sure some are bound to be married) and B: getting a jump start on a new job/friends of her own.

There isn't really a 'right' answer here - it's your wants/needs vs her wants/needs.  Best bet is to find some compromise.

[Jdabrowski]

14 hours ago, 1OPA2NPA said:

Thank you for sharing your input!

The schools are MGH (88% first time pass rate on the PANCE) and OHSU (98% pass rate). 

 

 

MGH interviews this weekend.....That being said it is good to know the what if's and having a plan.

[MCHAD]

2 hours ago, MT2PA said:

I see her point but wonder if there are more questions to be asking/options available.

Do you plan to return to the east coast after school?  If yes, is it an option for you to move out to OR solo?  May not be cheaper that way, but you get the better program and your wife gets to be with her family and you can focus on school without the guilt.

If you plan to stay on the west coast or go somewhere new altogether, sell her on the idea of A: built in social network with your new classmates (I'm sure some are bound to be married) and B: getting a jump start on a new job/friends of her own.

There isn't really a 'right' answer here - it's your wants/needs vs her wants/needs.  Best bet is to find some compromise.

OP moving by himself for school is a horrible idea in my opinion.  PA school married with kids is stressful enough when you live together, I can’t imagine trying to keep a marriage healthy living on opposite sides of the country.  

We had a couple classmates who lived an hour and a half away and lived near school m-f and went home on weekends and they had a rough time. 

[MT2PA]

1 hour ago, MCHAD said:

OP moving by himself for school is a horrible idea in my opinion.  PA school married with kids is stressful enough when you live together, I can’t imagine trying to keep a marriage healthy living on opposite sides of the country.  

We had a couple classmates who lived an hour and a half away and lived near school m-f and went home on weekends and they had a rough time. 

And yet, there are those that successfully do it.  Each relationship is different.  To each their own.

[MCHAD]

8 minutes ago, MT2PA said:

And yet, there are those that successfully do it.  Each relationship is different.  To each their own.

Obviously people can, that doesn’t mean you should if you can avoid it.  

[OPA2NPA]

22 hours ago, AbeTheBabe said:

My wife and I moved from west coast to east coast the day after we got back from our honeymoon. Both had never left our parents house. She was very hesitant about leaving (she cried when she found out lol). I was on the waiting list for a school about an hour away, but once we started the drive out east I called them and told them to take me off the list so I won't have to make a decision like yours. It was very hard for her the first 6 months, but in the end she ended up loving it out there and was so glad we got to live in our own and do our own thing away from family. Luckily, she is in HR and her company allowed her to work from home. Also, she did her Masters in HR online. I can't stress enough how important it was that she had something to do after work as I didn't have the time to hang out after class for more than an hour or so a night. Hopefully she can pick up a hobby or have something to do or make friends with the other wives from guys in your class.

Thanks for your input.

Looking back, anything you would have done to make the move smoother for her.

[OPA2NPA]

10 hours ago, MT2PA said:

I see her point but wonder if there are more questions to be asking/options available.

Do you plan to return to the east coast after school?  If yes, is it an option for you to move out to OR solo?  May not be cheaper that way, but you get the better program and your wife gets to be with her family and you can focus on school without the guilt.

If you plan to stay on the west coast or go somewhere new altogether, sell her on the idea of A: built in social network with your new classmates (I'm sure some are bound to be married) and B: getting a jump start on a new job/friends of her own.

There isn't really a 'right' answer here - it's your wants/needs vs her wants/needs.  Best bet is to find some compromise.

She doesn't like the idea of me moving to Portland solo and, quite frankly, I don't like the idea either. working on finding a compromise

[OPA2NPA]

7 hours ago, MCHAD said:

OP moving by himself for school is a horrible idea in my opinion.  PA school married with kids is stressful enough when you live together, I can’t imagine trying to keep a marriage healthy living on opposite sides of the country.  

We had a couple classmates who lived an hour and a half away and lived near school m-f and went home on weekends and they had a rough time. 

I don't like the idea of moving by myself, neither does she. 

[UGoLong]

OP moving by himself for school is a horrible idea in my opinion.  PA school married with kids is stressful enough when you live together, I can’t imagine trying to keep a marriage healthy living on opposite sides of the country.  
We had a couple classmates who lived an hour and a half away and lived near school m-f and went home on weekends and they had a rough time. 

When I went to PA school (married 38 years at the time), my wife stayed home and I moved about 2 hrs away to school. I came home on weekends or she visited me if I had a test coming up. She had our kids around (all living around town away from home.) She also has lots of friends. We talked by phone every evening.

It wasn’t any different than people who spend their lives traveling every week and easier than for those who get deployed. Didn’t seem to be a problem.

I suspect that it is an individual choice based on your particular relationship, its unique mix of personalities, and your mate’s support structure.


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[AbeTheBabe]

On 11/1/2017 at 7:59 PM, OPA2NPA said:

Thanks for your input.

Looking back, anything you would have done to make the move smoother for her.

It would have been better if we had a place to move to. Because we were working and had the wedding/honeymoon we couldn't go out and look at places and figured we'll find something when we get there. So we stayed in different hotels for 7-10 days in each hotel for the first month until we found a place. This was hard for her as she was still working, or was trying to. Luckily we found a place we loved in our budget in a nice area. Walking distance to almost everything so we just shared 1 car which I took to school since she worked from home anyway.

[boli]

Looking for advice.

I am from the east coast and I am admitted to a school in the west coast. I am also admitted to a newer program closer to home with a much lower first time pass rate, cost $20,000 more, and limited/expensive housing option.

My choice is to move out west since it makes financial sense. However, my wife doesn't like the idea of leaving her family and moving across the country. She states: "You'll be in school 24/7, all I am asking is to at least have my family around."

Has anyone dealt with a situation like mine? BTW, I would be moving from Boston MA to Portland Oregon. Also, my wife is a nurse who will have one year of med-surge experience by the time I start school

Just curious, why didn’t you have this discussion before you applied to a school across the country? She had to know this was a possibility when you applied

 

Edit: or did she change her opinion since staying local is a possibility?

 

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[devod]

Looking for advice.
I am from the east coast and I am admitted to a school in the west coast. I am also admitted to a newer program closer to home with a much lower first time pass rate, cost $20,000 more, and limited/expensive housing option.
My choice is to move out west since it makes financial sense. However, my wife doesn't like the idea of leaving her family and moving across the country. She states: "You'll be in school 24/7, all I am asking is to at least have my family around."
Has anyone dealt with a situation like mine? BTW, I would be moving from Boston MA to Portland Oregon. Also, my wife is a nurse who will have one year of med-surge experience by the time I start school

OHSU has a good reputation, but for me it's all about keeping my wife happy. If you think your wife is going to be constantly upset by not having family around, then I would stay east coast. If she can adjust easily, then it probably doesn't matter. Just ask yourself how fun it will be if your wife is going to be unhappy while you're trying to study. I could go on forever about this....

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[CAAdmission]

Boston hasn't had anything going for it since the American Revolution. Get out while you can.

[UpRegulated]

On 10/31/2017 at 6:54 PM, OPA2NPA said:

Looking for advice.

I am from the east coast and I am admitted to a school in the west coast. I am also admitted to a newer program closer to home with a much lower first time pass rate, cost $20,000 more, and limited/expensive housing option.

My choice is to move out west since it makes financial sense. However, my wife doesn't like the idea of leaving her family and moving across the country. She states: "You'll be in school 24/7, all I am asking is to at least have my family around."

Has anyone dealt with a situation like mine? BTW, I would be moving from Boston MA to Portland Oregon. Also, my wife is a nurse who will have one year of med-surge experience by the time I start school

$20K????  That's chump change over the life of a career and should have nothing to do with your decision.

You are in school for 2-3 years.  You are married for life.  Your wife giving up seeing you for 2-3 years warrants listening to her opinion.  She is making a greater sacrifice than you.  If you pull your wife away from her family over a relatively minor school preference it will cost you.  She will be left with no nearby family and no husband.  The failure rate of marriages with students in medical professions is already extremely high.  Taking her away from her family + you being in school all but guarantees the house will win.

Lower pass rates?  Your education is your responsibility as much as it is your school's.  Actually more. If you can't learn what you need to learn on your own, then that is on you.  You will have lifelong career after school and no professors to help you.

 

[FB123]

What makes your situation tough is you have been accepted in the city and/or state your wife prefers. Deciding to uproot to simply save $20K and avoid a lesser pass rate of 10% can be seen as trivial (and will add to the headache's PA school WILL give you). I agree with the points @UpRegulated made. Understand that 88% vs 98% can mean as little as 4 students vs 1 student didn't pass their FIRST try. Not exactly earth shattering. Also, your wife will undoubtedly find work as an RN. If housing is that 'expensive', her salary will help. Good luck and congratulations on you acceptance.