ajohnson2 Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 I have been accepted into MCPHS Manchester which has been my first choice school since I started to apply two years ago. I was accepted in mid- March. Now, last night, my boyfriend of 1.5 years tells me that we are headed in different directions. He explained that with me going to school and focusing 100% on that, that we wouldn't make it. The school I am attending happens to be in his home town where his parents live, and is only 1.45 hours for where he lives. I am so distraught to think that someone who was so supportive about my schooling (we talked a lot about it) has just done a 180*. I don't even start class until Jan 2011, so I feel like he didn't even give it a chance to work. Sorry, I just needed to vent some because I'm so frustrated that this whole time I thought he was happy and supportive of this. My heart is broken into a thousand pieces and only time will tell how it will all end up. Has anyone else gone through this, where your significant other couldn't deal with the stress of you going to school? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jwells78 Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 I'm sorry to hear of your pain. I will say that PA school was VERY trying for my marriage- and we almost split during the last quarter of my clinical year because of it. It was very difficult for me to finish my last quarter because of some major disasters in my relationship. The loss of my wife's support at that critical time was a huge blow to my confidence and self-esteem, but it garnered one nugget of truth and drove it home. That truth is this: in this world, nothing is certain. No matter what their relationship to you, everyone in this life will likely let you down at one point and so you have to vigilant, confident, and believe whole-heartedly in the one person you can trust absolutely: yourself. I hope that you don't let this deter you from matriculating... You worked hard to get there. Keep your chin up. -J Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deborah212 Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 Just wanted to send you some more support. You will get through this and be better because of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acozadd Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 I'm going to be attending PA school about 4.5 hours from where my girlfriend is going for her graduate school. I'm prepared for it to be difficult but I have no idea what to expect beyond that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MCHAD Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 You know what, as bad as this sucks now. You should thank him for not waiting until you were already into the first or second semester of school. This gives you time to recover and mentally prepare yourself for PA school. I know, this isn't what you want to hear but he did you a favor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eighthnote24 Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 Exact same thing happened to me, except mine dumped me a little longer before PA school started. I think he's using PA school as an excuse. There are many people in my class who are in long distance relationships that are way more long distance than 1.5 hours. If he really wanted it to work, he'd make it work. Sounds like he's taking the cowardly, easy way out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michell Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 I want to send you some support myself. I have to agree with everyone who said that he did you a favor for telling you this now so that you can adjust to the change next year and focus on your studies. The same thing happened to my friend who got accepted to a program except we found out that her boyfriend was actually jealous of her starting PA school and really insecure. He thought that she would find someone better and dumped her! Guess what? She did! It's tough getting out of a relationship like that, but you will make it through. Good luck to ya! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BruceBanner Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 I would take it for what it is: you guys are headed in different directions if it came to this. Just my opinion, but it's unnatural for a man to follow a woman on her path. I know you probably saw it as you guys going through it together, but you aren't married. He has plans and directions of his own. Like MCHAD said he kind of did you a favor---better to have this happen now than mid-way through school. I broke things off with my gf before I moved 6 hours away to start school. She is a wonderful woman and it was a very, very hard decision. But you have to be realistic about this stuff---when you are in an intense program AND you live in different towns/states, needs are going to go unmet. You can only stretch yourself so thin and something has to give. That might sound defeatist, but it isnt. You have to rely on yourself. If things are meant to be time will work all that out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BruceBanner Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 Exact same thing happened to me, except mine dumped me a little longer before PA school started. I think he's using PA school as an excuse. There are many people in my class who are in long distance relationships that are way more long distance than 1.5 hours. If he really wanted it to work, he'd make it work. Sounds like he's taking the cowardly, easy way out. Why because his plans didn't align with hers?? The cowardly way out would be if he stayed with her despite all that because he was afraid to let go of the comfort he had. It takes more balls to end it before things get hard than in the middle of a storm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smitty6572 Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 I have been accepted into MCPHS Manchester which has been my first choice school since I started to apply two years ago. I was accepted in mid- March. Now, last night, my boyfriend of 1.5 years tells me that we are headed in different directions. He explained that with me going to school and focusing 100% on that, that we wouldn't make it. The school I am attending happens to be in his home town where his parents live, and is only 1.45 hours for where he lives. I am so distraught to think that someone who was so supportive about my schooling (we talked a lot about it) has just done a 180*. I don't even start class until Jan 2011, so I feel like he didn't even give it a chance to work. Sorry, I just needed to vent some because I'm so frustrated that this whole time I thought he was happy and supportive of this. My heart is broken into a thousand pieces and only time will tell how it will all end up. Has anyone else gone through this, where your significant other couldn't deal with the stress of you going to school? Sorry that you are broken hearted. This too shall pass. Sounds like he is using PA school as an excuse. We all have free will, it's better now that you find out he was not the one than 15 years down the road. I would say concentrate on your studies, let time heal those wounds, and someone just may come along that shares your passion for learning, as well as being supportive of your choices to better yourself. In my book anyone who has the drive and discipline to be accepted to PA school is a great catch. Stay true to yourself and things will work out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marilynpac Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 A heart may be broken but it still has to keep on beating. Time does heal all wounds, but look at it this way. If you didn't go to PA school b/c of him, he may have step away from the relationship down the road anyway and where would you be? One thing I have found out about this profession, it's always faithfully there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayakr Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 Very sorry for your heartache. I firmly believe that, while PA school may have been the "straw that broke the camel's back", this situation is likely another symptom, not the cause of your relationship duress. (In otherwords, if it wouldn't have been PA school, it would have been something else eventually). Picking up the pieces seems impossible at first, but time has a way of healing all wounds (or at least making them bearable). Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. Almost everyone has been there at one time or another. Don't look back! You will know when you find the right one someday. Hang in there and keep your chin up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator rev ronin Posted May 7, 2010 Administrator Share Posted May 7, 2010 While it's certainly disappointing when a relationship doesn't work out, you did say "boyfriend"--not husband, not even fiance. As in, no promises of tomorrow, no "'til death do us part", etc. by either one of you to the other one. Without trivializing your pain, I don't see that he's done anything particularly wrong by dumping you: either of you could walk away since neither had any hold on each other. What hurts, of course, is that you wanted to be with him AND do PA school... and despite his earlier assurances, he's changed his mind. Frankly, being with someone through PA school and all its travails and turmoil is a huge commitment to expect of someone who has never formally committed to you. When reality comes crashing down on your hopes and dreams, it hurts. It hurts bad, and I am absolutely sure this hurts right now as bad or worse as anything else you've experienced to date. Yes, he may have been using this as a pretext, but you were in an "at will" relationship, and hoping and wishing that it's going to be more permanent than that doesn't make it so. I share the sentiments of the above writers: take the time to heal emotionally. Betrayal and disappointment are real feelings, and intellectualizing them away won't help you move through this. Oh, and pick up a copy of The Missing Piece Meets the Big O. It was recommended to me by a friend who had been divorced, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeyBoy Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 You know what, as bad as this sucks now. You should thank him for not waiting until you were already into the first or second semester of school. This gives you time to recover and mentally prepare yourself for PA school. I know, this isn't what you want to hear but he did you a favor. Agree 100%. A classmate of mine was dumped by her boyfriend of 2+ years the day before our first huge medicine exam... and she survived and is a fantastic PA student. You'll be OK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
d2305 Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 Find another who is worthy of your love. Get some exercise and you will feel better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kit-kat Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 ajohnson, Wow, I'm really sorry. I'm sure you're devastated and I completely understand why. I agree with what a lot of other people have said, if it wasn't that you were going away to PA school, it would have been something else. This is just an excuse. And like a few other people, a reasonable one, if he doesn't see it working out long distance (even 1.5 hours), then at least he's being honest with you. Better now than later when you're super stressed out. Think of this as an opportunity to really do something for yourself. Spoil yourself, indulge yourself a bit (not with food! you will regret that!). Focus on yourself! PA school will be an amazing experience for you, enjoy every minute! Good luck! I hope things get better soon for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just_me Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 as others have said....its better now than later during your program. at least you have time to get over it and get your head on straight as opposed to this happening during the week of finals or something obviously he realizes that you need to focus 100% on school because its a lot of work---now if hes just using as it an excuse or being sincere it really doesnt matter because it really is the truth you need to focus. maybe he knows that things will change and he knows that he cant handle that. some times people get spoiled with the way things are and if things change it makes them uncomfortable and they cant handle go to school, reach your goals and if things were really meant to be---they will happen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weello Posted May 8, 2010 Share Posted May 8, 2010 I went through kinda the same thing with my ex girlfriend. We split after 2 years, last august. She was a year younger, still in undergrad. I on the other hand had graduated and was working and applying to schools. We both decided (mainly her) that we should go our own ways, since we both had some important stuff in our lives coming up. As bad as it hurt a few months back, the smoke has cleared now and I'm able to finally realize it was the best decision possible. We both needed to concentrate on ourselves. When were in our early 20's, its OK to be selfish for a while and worry about taking care of ourselves as opposed to another person. Since a few years down the road when you have a family, that will be your job and the "selfish" card goes out the window FOREVER! My ex was a wonderful person, we just made a choice, that from my eyes was very mature and has worked out for the best. You should be thankfull that he did this wayyyy before school starts, so you have time to get yourself back on track. Keep your head up, and be proud of the fact that you got into PA school and before you know it, you will be sitting in class, not even thinking about this stuff. Just my 2 cents Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bosox2k1 Posted May 8, 2010 Share Posted May 8, 2010 I am sorry for your heartbreak and as someone said earlier--it is better that it is happening now rather than during the school year. It would be unbelievably hard to focus if this happened during the year and maybe this is a blessing in disguise. I am reading a lot about how some sort of distance is breaking a lot of couples up. My girlfriend currently lives in NE and I am in VT, and I got accepted to MCPHS-Boston. Our whole relationship has been long distance and she's picking up everything to follow me to Boston, or so I hope it's in Boston. She may do travel nursing around Boston, but it seems more than likely she will be in NYC. We have dealt with distance our entire relationship and I think with her in NYC and I in Boston---it will be like we are next door neighbors compared to the distance between us now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hemegroup Posted May 9, 2010 Share Posted May 9, 2010 I have been accepted into MCPHS Manchester which has been my first choice school since I started to apply two years ago. I was accepted in mid- March. Now, last night, my boyfriend of 1.5 years tells me that we are headed in different directions. He explained that with me going to school and focusing 100% on that, that we wouldn't make it. The school I am attending happens to be in his home town where his parents live, and is only 1.45 hours for where he lives. I am so distraught to think that someone who was so supportive about my schooling (we talked a lot about it) has just done a 180*. I don't even start class until Jan 2011, so I feel like he didn't even give it a chance to work. Sorry, I just needed to vent some because I'm so frustrated that this whole time I thought he was happy and supportive of this. My heart is broken into a thousand pieces and only time will tell how it will all end up. Has anyone else gone through this, where your significant other couldn't deal with the stress of you going to school? He is NOT your significant other. Let him go, and be glad about it. You will find someone who loves and respects you for you, not someone who bases your relationship on conditions which adhere only to their own selfishness. Honestly, he did you the biggest favor. As others have said, focus on your education, exercise, eat well, and get your rest. You have the rest of your life ahead of you, and it is going to be wonderful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajohnson2 Posted May 11, 2010 Author Share Posted May 11, 2010 I want to thank everyone for their replies. My heart is torn apart and I am still left with "everything was great Sunday into Monday (and before) and all of a sudden, bam, he says its over on Thursday". He was so supportive, and excited about my being accepted. Just at Easter his dad mentioned something about marriage and as a dad he wasnt ready, and my ex said "oh yeah, "smile", someone just has to finish school first". How do you go from talking about things like that and Monday making plans to spend mothers day together with my mom, to Thursday being over?! UGHHH! Sorry, Im just venting. I am dealing with this the best I can and trying to survive my summer. I know time is all that can heal this agony and I look forward to the day I can completely move on and enjoy school when it starts in January. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellajoy Posted October 13, 2010 Share Posted October 13, 2010 I came across this post and had to reply...looks like I may be in the same sort of situation. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years (1.5 years long distance and 3+ years living together). I found out I got into 2 schools (one 5+ hours away and one 8) this past week. While he has never been too excited about the possibility of moving away with me due to job prospects, I was hoping I would be able to convince him...or worst case scenario we would have to do the long distance thing again. So yesterday he decides to tell me that he doesn't want to leave and likely will not find a job in the new city....and he will not do a long distance relationship. Says he will not allow me to not go though because it's a great opportunity, something to be proud of, etc....and he will not hold me back. Weird thing is...it wasn't really an end all break-up yet...but feels like one, so I am really confused and upset. I know we're not married yet, but I thought that would happen in the future, and on top of that we live together and have been together for almost 5 years...I thought things were much stronger than obviously things are. So now I am in this situation where we live together, but may not be together and I won't be starting school until June. Not sure how to deal with that right now. Has anyone else gone through this kind of situation? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joelseff Posted October 14, 2010 Share Posted October 14, 2010 It is VERY hard on your relationship and on the SO. they dont always, in my case anyway, fully understand the demand of school and expect it to be like a night school thing. It gets very tough. I think being single would be the best way to go while in PA school. BTW I have known my wife for 18 years and had been married for 10 years before school and this was the most trying time in our relationship. I am glad to say it is MUCH better (esp since I graduate in less than 2 mos :0) ) but it was VERY difficult. I also have two little kids and it affected them adversely also to not have daddy home except on saturdays an part of sunday. Hang in there but if you are not married and no kids with your SO, I think it would be better to be single....Just sayin.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajohnson2 Posted October 14, 2010 Author Share Posted October 14, 2010 I posted this back in May and since then have grown on my own quite a bit. BellaJoy- I am sorry to hear of things going sour for you, but try to focus on the bright side- You were accepted, and to more than one school! CONGRATS! I know it is easier said than done. I was devasted for quite some time and still think about it from time to time. Recently I have met a new man, a wonderful man, but we are remaining only friends for now. This new guy and I are keeping things very slow because he knows how demanding school will be and how important it is that I focus on my studies. I am trying to keep my head on straight and focus on my own happiness right now, which is PA school!! I really hope you find your smile, and wish you the best of luck!!! People on this site are super supportive and you don't need a man to lean on... use family and friends!!! GOODLUCK! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellajoy Posted October 14, 2010 Share Posted October 14, 2010 Thanks for all the kinda words, advice, and support you guys! :) I knew this this would be a tough road no matter what and sacrifices would have have to be made, etc....and I think I have been preparing myself mentally pretty well. But this whole thing just took me by complete shock. I keep trying to tell myself that everything happens for a reason. And also that even though it sucks now, things always seem to work themselves out in the end. Those seem to be themes of my life. Despite being very confused, hurt, heartbroken, and upset....I really am trying my hardest to stay positive and think about the good things. It is awesome that I have acceptances to PA schools (and so early in the app cycle too) and that I have a choice...and I got in a school I really loved after I visited/interviewed that is fairly close to my parents (3.5hrs) and very close to my extended family (grandpa, aunts/uncles, cousins, etc) who will all be within a 45 min driving radius. On top of that, I am very excited to live in a new place again, meet all new people, especially my future classmates/colleagues. This will be a very trying and emotional 7 months to go (and beyond I'm sure), but I am trying to just keep all these exciting and good things in mind as well. I really have noticed this board to be very supportive in general, which is why I've enjoyed reading and posting on it. So thanks again for the support and letting me vent a little. (I'm sure I may need to do that again sometime in the future.) You guys are great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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