marilynpac Posted October 14, 2010 Share Posted October 14, 2010 I remember when this thread was first put up. I remember thinking "The Heartbreaker Thread". Everyone on this forum supports you 100% that's why this forum is here. You can only go forward with your life from here on. I don't think there's a person on here who hasn't suffered from a broken heart at one time or another. Always remember your profession is always there, it's always consistent, it will give you pleasure and pain but it's always faithfully there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
underserved Posted October 15, 2010 Share Posted October 15, 2010 He's just jealous. I'm single. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CJKitty Posted October 15, 2010 Share Posted October 15, 2010 I'm so glad that BOTH of you are doing better now. Keep your heads high and look ahead at all the exciting new people you'll be meeting, and all the life experiences! When I first read this thread back in May, it made me look at my own relationship in a new light. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, living together for 4... and we've both known that I wanted to go to PA school almost since the beginning. He's been supportive of me the whole way and we know it will be the most difficult thing we've ever faced as a couple. We have always agreed that he would not follow me to my school unless he was able to find a fantastic aerospace/IT job nearby, and with my first acceptance coming from Arizona, it looks like we will wind up in different states. He will probably work for JPL in California. Neither of us really knows what will happen, but for now we're welcoming the challenge. 2.5 years apart is nothing compared to the 40+ years together that could follow... all we need to do is keep focusing on the future, making sure we're always communicating, and supporting each other from a distance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellajoy Posted October 15, 2010 Share Posted October 15, 2010 I wish I was doing better...but seeing as how this has all just started happening in past 2 days and still is going on...it's hard to feel better when everything is changing (some good and a lot bad) and I can't really stop crying. I'm trying to be positive and I know in the end I won't regret doing this. But, right now it is super hard! Besides the fact that my almost 5 year relationship that I thought was stable and was one where I thought he would support me no matter what through thick and thin is ending...I also am having to worry about what I am going to do over the next 6-7 months because we live together (and we've been living mostly rent free because it is a property his parents own). So now we either live uncomfortably as "roommates" or instead of saving up money, I will have to spend a lot more and attempt to find a short term place to live. Does anyone have any advice on this? Never thought this would happen...thought I had a much stronger relationship. To the poster above me...I wish you lots of luck and I hope you guys make it! That is the way I was hoping/thinking I would end up (doing the long distance thing if needed, it is only a short time in our long lives, etc), but sadly, that is not the case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
c0untingstars Posted October 15, 2010 Share Posted October 15, 2010 Yeah, I was actually going to suggest seeing if you could either move in with your parents and get a job near them or just start your move to your new city now and try to get a job there :) Don't know if its an option, but continuing to live with him...its gonna suck. It will be even harder to move on if he's still in your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellajoy Posted October 15, 2010 Share Posted October 15, 2010 Yeah, I know. Parents not an option as they live in a completely different state from me now and where I will be. And as for moving up to school early, interesting option except for the fact it is a different state and I would need to get licensing in that state, which isn't always a quick process, plus find a new RT job (but people are hiring less plus who is going to hire/orient someone who would just be leaving in 6 months?). So unfortunately I think I need to stay in this city keeping my job/benefits for the time being. So that brings my options once again to the awkward roommate situation or finding some sort of relatively cheap and furnished place short term. Staying in the same place will be awful, but we have a 3 bedroom place and I work nights...so maybe doable. We don't always see each other a lot sometimes as it is during the school year. I can always pick up extra shifts as able too. I think all the holidays coming up will be the worst. I can always go see the parents, but my work schedule makes it hard as I work every other holiday (as in Christmas eve or Christmas night) and every other weekend. As much as that whole situation sucks, moving out may be worse due to 2 moves in 6 months and loss of a lot of money when my primary goal right now is to save money. Am I dumb in thinking this way? I would not say this is the worst thing I have been through, but it us certainly up there. It just kills me that last night he was crying with me and telling me he's not kicking me out and he loves me and I'm his best friend...well, why is he doing this then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marilynpac Posted October 15, 2010 Share Posted October 15, 2010 He's having a hard time dealing with your future success. My husband went through that when I was doing my prereqs. He would always start a fight with me the night b/f a big exam hoping to muck everything up. It just made me more determined. Even though I've been married 31yrs is that any guarantee that he won't surprise me and bring home a younger girlfriend? It's happened before to my friends. I've always said spouses/SOs come and go there are a few things in this life that are irreplaceable. One of them is your children and another is your profession. You need a back up plan in case things get worse at your household. You may have to move back in with your parents, even short term.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellajoy Posted October 15, 2010 Share Posted October 15, 2010 Thanks for the words and advice marilyn. I know I will need a backup plan...which I will work on once I calm down a little. I just talked to my parents and they offered to let me stay there if I need to or help me out a little with money if needed. I just don't know at this point...I think there's a lot more talking and discussing that still needs to happen. I really think that things will be a lot better once spring hits and I'm preparing to move and start school, but right now it is so hard. It does help that in IL I will have a ton of family around me....and I also just found out that my dad just got a new job in the Chicago area (he'll be working from home in MI for the next 6-8 months, but then they will be moving to the Chicago area too). All signs I think that are saying that i'm making the right decision and that going was meant to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marilynpac Posted October 15, 2010 Share Posted October 15, 2010 I agree PAMAC, staying in that situation is just adding to your misery bellajoy. The emotional rollercoaster your on now isn't healthy and b/f you know it your physical health is going to be affected by it too. I think your last sentence said it all.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellajoy Posted October 15, 2010 Share Posted October 15, 2010 Thanks guys. I guess I just have a lot to think about. No matter what, I will figure it out and get through this. And, marilyn, I agree my previous last sentence says it all...just trying to keep those those thoughts at the forefront of my mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator ventana Posted October 16, 2010 Moderator Share Posted October 16, 2010 If your relationship is good you will make it in spite of PA school. I broke up with my GF before PA school - we have since lived together for 8 years, married for 3 and just starting to think of starting a family... good relationships pervail but the weak one's should be allowed to just flame out..... focus on PA school..... you will need the energy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ucfstef84 Posted November 4, 2010 Share Posted November 4, 2010 bella, I know it seems like the worst has happened and it hurts so bad, but what matters is you were ACCEPTED into PA school, which is really great and something to be proud of, and if he can't be supportive of an accomplishment like that and isnt willing to make it work then maybe hes not the one...I understand how you are feeling tho, my ex broke up with me when I wanted to move home so I could figure out what to do with my life, and went and knocked up some girl only a couple months later and is now having a baby with her, but I took that time to focus on myself and now I will be starting PA school next summer and I could not be happier. my point is, like a previous poster said, your career isn't replaceable so do what is good for you now and everything will fall into place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellajoy Posted November 4, 2010 Share Posted November 4, 2010 Thanks again everyone! So I guess I should update.... He decided he couldn't let me stay anymore so I was forced into finding somewhere new to live for the next 6-7 months. I found a roommate around town....I don't know her other than the handful of times we gave met up/talked, but I think it will work out. It just stinks for many reasons....not with him anymore, this is highly upsetting/stressful, have lost my cat, will have to move twice in about 6 months, and will be spending money when I really need to save it (will now be trying to pick up extra hours a bunch). I have been packing, and I will be moving on Saturday. This is so hard. But thanks for all of your support you guys! And I am very grateful for my family's support as well. I don"t know how I would be getting through this otherwise (sometimes have moments where I feel like I'm not....but I am doing it). Trying to stay positive.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marilynpac Posted November 4, 2010 Share Posted November 4, 2010 It makes me wonder if he has someone else waiting in the wings....sorry bella, but that's the first thing that comes to mind. How did you lose your cat? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellajoy Posted November 4, 2010 Share Posted November 4, 2010 Marilyn....I sure hope that is not the case...would devastate me even more. I don't think he is telling me everything yet though, and I think I will probably find out someday. Just hoping it is more he hasn't "in love" with me for awhile now and this was his excuse...and not someone else. (although I can just see me having spent almost 5 years of my life with this guy waiting for marriage and within a year of all this he'll be engaged or something) As far as the cat....we got her together right after we moved in together. She kinda was more his buddy...but she was mine too. He is keeping her. Now all I have is pictures... :( missing her terribly already. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marilynpac Posted November 4, 2010 Share Posted November 4, 2010 I bet when all is said and done, you will miss the cat tenfold over him.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guthriesm Posted November 4, 2010 Share Posted November 4, 2010 I bet when all is said and done, you will miss the cat tenfold over him.... I agree. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kit-kat Posted November 4, 2010 Share Posted November 4, 2010 Bella, I think you should get yourself a new kitten if you can have it at your current location. Get an adorable, fluffy kitten. It'll give you something to go home to, something to cuddle at night, and maybe even a stress-reliever during PA school. Cats are pretty low maintenance too if you get busy at work or at school. Every time I've had a break up it's been nice to know that my dog and cat still love me unconditionally. And if you lost the other cat to him... replace the void of him and the cat. Plus, kittens are an adorable distraction to the unpleasantries of life :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellajoy Posted November 4, 2010 Share Posted November 4, 2010 Kit-kat....that is definitely the plan....although I will have to wait until move #2 I think. I don't think I am allowed in the apartment I will be in for the next few months....sad, but I am looking forward to a new, future furry friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mahnken Posted April 21, 2011 Share Posted April 21, 2011 He's having a hard time dealing with your future success. My husband went through that when I was doing my prereqs. He would always start a fight with me the night b/f a big exam hoping to muck everything up. It just made me more determined. Even though I've been married 31yrs is that any guarantee that he won't surprise me and bring home a younger girlfriend? It's happened before to my friends. I've always said spouses/SOs come and go there are a few things in this life that are irreplaceable. One of them is your children and another is your profession. You need a back up plan in case things get worse at your household. You may have to move back in with your parents, even short term.... Ugh, yes...that reminds me of when I was in my first yr of med school before dropping out... I am staying single this time so I don't have to worry about any possible drama a relationship could bring!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellajoy Posted April 21, 2011 Share Posted April 21, 2011 Ugh, yes...that reminds me of when I was in my first yr of med school before dropping out...I am staying single this time so I don't have to worry about any possible drama a relationship could bring!! Is it sad I would still like a little relationship "drama"? :) it has been like 6 months since all this has happened...being single is okay, just not all it is cracked up to be. Although I will say that 1) I am better off, 2) I am glad it happened 6 months ago and not now or 6 months into the program, and 3) whoever said that I will soon be missing the cat more than him was totally right! :) (update on the situation for anyone who was following: so a few days later in Nov after my last posting on this thread, on his facebook he had a new friend and was "in a relationship"...yes, right after we broke up and he kicked me out. I asked a couple of months ago of he had cheated and his response was that he was appalled and hurt that I would ask that. Ugh...good riddance. Definitely moving onward and upward. Thanks to everyone ego had listened and gave advice 6 months ago!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Steve Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 Is it wrong when I read your first post my first thought was "he's got someone else"? Sitting out here in the cheap seats eating popcorn it seems to be such a predictable turn. Most people don't SUDDENLY bail on a relationship unless there is someone else who has caught their fancy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellajoy Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 Is it wrong when I read your first post my first thought was "he's got someone else"? Sitting out here in the cheap seats eating popcorn it seems to be such a predictable turn. Most people don't SUDDENLY bail on a relationship unless there is someone else who has caught their fancy. Eh...not wrong. So many people said that...so you are definitely not the only one. And I agree. And did you not love the answer I got them I asked him about it? :) really? Sent from my ADR6300 using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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