shendricks02 Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 Hi all! So I recently got accepted to PA school for the 2013 entering class (class of 2015), and although I'm very excited to begin the process, I've got to thinking how this will effect my plans to get married in the future. I have been with my boyfriend for the past 6 years (high school sweethearts :)), and although we have known for the past couple of years now that we are going to get married, we have always put our career goals first. During undergrad we never made plans to get engaged because a) we were poor undergrad students and didn't have enough money, and b) we both knew I had plans to enroll in graduate school out of state and didn't want to spend the first couple years of marriage apart. Now that I am officially accepted and my boyfriend has a career as an engineer, we have began discussing when would be the most appropriate/fitting time to get married while completing my PA education. I am from Minnesota and going to PA school out of state. We both know we want to get married during the summer months, because if you've ever been to Minnesota you may know how crazy the weather can be in any other season :) My question then is, would it be better to get engaged and be planning during the first year of PA school and get married halfway through? Or during the clinical rotations and get married the summer following the 2nd year around the same time you need to be prepping for the PANCE exam?! I am aware how busy and hectic PA school is going to be, so if anyone has any input from their own experiences of being enrolled in PA school and/or being engaged or getting married while in school I would greatly appreciate it!! Thank you all for you help!! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Steve Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 So remind me again why you are not sticking with the plan of waiting until after grad school? That was a great plan...why change it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenmood Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 I was engaged when I started PA school. We got married while I was in didactic year. Our honeymoon is postponed until after graduation and the PANCE. I found it completely do-able. The thing is... you need to know yourself. Is it possible? Of course. But I'm generally not a control freak and was happy to delegate onto family. I gave them a lot of freedom in how things were done without the concern that I would go Bridezilla on them if it wasn't perfect. If you want to have input into exactly how every piece of flair at your wedding will look, maybe wait until you have the time to be that detail-oriented. It also helped that I was planning a wedding nearby. You will be out of state, unavailable to be personally present except on carefully pre-planned occasions. Consider that, too, and how comfortable you will be not seeing/touching materials and decorations before you make decisions and how often you will be able to return for dress fittings, parties, etc. Will it stress you out to be playing games at a bridal shower when you have a test and you know you have 6 hours of travel ahead of you? Tips for making it work: 1. Get engaged. 2. Arrange all of your vendors before you start school (flowers and decorations, music, photography, food/booze, location, limos/transportation, etc). 3. Appoint contact people for each vendor with the power to make small decisions (this is important). 4. If you're making decorations yourself, start now. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KCMA79 Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 My wife and I waited until she finished grad school to get married and then 16 mos later I started PA school. So with 16 mos of marriage under our belts we moved across the country for me to go to PA school. It was rough. The didactic yr was a killer because if I wasn't at school I had my nose in a book. During my first yr we went to a Marriage Enrichment weekend seminar. I was so engrossed in A&P that I was drawing and listing muscle/tendon insertions during the seminar so we went home during the afternood of the first day. I took heat for that for yrs. The only bright spot was she had a job in the hosp where the PA program was based so we were able to often have lunch together. The second yr was just complete insanity with rotations. I very seriously thought about sending her home and I would move into the dorm. If she wasn't making such good money I think she would have gone home. Do not equate PA school with your undergraduate college life or even grad school it is a completely different animal and most students right out of college don't appreciate that. It is hard to describe but most of us at some point in PA school have a light bulb moment when we went "holy crap if I don't get this right I could kill someone. I'm not making widgets here". So don't fall into the trap of comparing college life with PA school. I don't recommend getting married just prior or during PA school but ultimately you will do what you want. Just another opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blburns Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 I got married 5 months before starting PA school and after 1st quarter, my wife moved back to FL and now we are separated. We had some problems for sure but PA school is very time consuming and I wish we had waited until after school to get married. It is certainly doable but PA school adds a big stressor on your marriage and if you don't have a strong foundation, it may crumble. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator rev ronin Posted October 31, 2012 Administrator Share Posted October 31, 2012 PA school is hard on relationships, no matter what. I'd say about 1/3 of my class who started in a relationship, ended without that same relationship. Only a couple of those were divorces, but most of the engaged/long-term committed/life partners didn't make it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicinePower Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 It is hard to describe but most of us at some point in PA school have a light bulb moment when we went "holy crap if I don't get this right I could kill someone. I'm not making widgets here". Most epic quote of the day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
briepm Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I got married the year before PA school and we're doing great :=D: However, I cannot IMAGINE planning a wedding at the point. We are very low-key people, had a very non-traditional wedding, and the amount of work and stress required for even a simple wedding is tons more than you would think. Now, I will say the same thing X10 for PA school. I say this with love and as something who has obviously been in your shoes - you have no idea what you're getting into. PA school is so much harder than you think it will be. You can do it (almost everyone that starts a program makes it through) but WHY would you want to add any extra stress to your life if you could help it? Wedding planning can be fun, but I promise you it will NOT be fun or joyful when you have 4 tests coming up the next week and each is over not the main points but the minutiae of roughly 200 pages of complex material each. Personally, trying to plan a wedding during the didactic year sounds like a recipe for lots of crying and many mini-nervous breakdowns. Your mind can only be in one place at once - better to have it on your studies for this year IMHO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nicole.a Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 Hey! I figure I should add my two cents since I'm nearly half way through didactic year AND getting married in less than two weeks. Also, my fiance is an engineer like your boyfriend :). We got engaged in March and decided that we didn't want to wait over two years to get married so we decided to do the wedding during one of two big breaks (two weeks) we get through school. I finish finals Thursday, get married Saturday, and leave for our honeymoon Sunday. And, surprisingly, there are two other young ladies in my program getting married over the same break. On top of it, my fiance and I bought a house the first month of school and there are two hours of distance between us. Would I do it this way again? For sure. PA school is insane, but your life outside of school doesn't (quite) stop and that can be a good thing--to have responsibilities and exciting things happening outside of school has helped keep me grounded. That being said, I'm not sure I'm the smartest cookie in the box for doing it this way :). But I'm a testament to the fact that it can be done and happily. It's been stressful a few times, sure, but mostly really, really good. Best wishes on whatever you decide, Nicole Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leecee Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 I got engaged at the end of my didactic year in December 2011. I just got married in August and at that time I was half way through my clinical rotations and everyone thought I was crazy for not waiting. I wanted to get married in the summer time and I didn't want to wait until the next summer when I would be finished with the program. I'll admit it was very stressful planning a wedding while in clinicals. I was very fortunate to have a lot of help. I recommend getting a wedding planner if you decide to get married during clinicals. This will help you stay organized and on task. Good luck! It's funny because I have heard a lot about people getting divorced during PA school... In my class I think 10 of 40 of us got engaged and 3 of us got married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bdub Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Hi, I'm from Minnesota as well and attending PA School out of state, my boyfriend is an engineer/farmer, and we are planning on getting engaged and married while I'm in school. The reason for this being is that we want to have kids shortly after I graduate but still have time to enjoy married life as well. I'm in a bit longer program (33 months) but still very busy. We both decided that trying to plan a big wedding would be to hectic so we are planning on doing a destination wedding shortly before my clinicals start and a reception a month or two after we get back from the vacation while I'm in one of the less hectic clinical rotations (if that exists haha) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cstarkwe Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 Allyse? Is that you? I got engaged at the end of my didactic year in December 2011. I just got married in August and at that time I was half way through my clinical rotations and everyone thought I was crazy for not waiting. I wanted to get married in the summer time and I didn't want to wait until the next summer when I would be finished with the program. I'll admit it was very stressful planning a wedding while in clinicals. I was very fortunate to have a lot of help. I recommend getting a wedding planner if you decide to get married during clinicals. This will help you stay organized and on task. Good luck! It's funny because I have heard a lot about people getting divorced during PA school... In my class I think 10 of 40 of us got engaged and 3 of us got married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CWS010190 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Alright I am in a very similar spot! My fiance proposed while I was applying to school. It was a total surprise! We immediately found a venue that we loved but had to book it right away (we got the last weekend available for 2015). Not knowing what my future was going to look like, I felt that I had made the best decision as I possibly could. Well fast forward and I have been accepted to a program and start in two months! My program knows that I am getting married (they saw my ring and asked me what my fiance does during my interview) but they do not know when. I'm getting married out of state from my program, and it will be 3 weeks into the new semester. What is the best way to go about telling my program about my upcoming nuptials and asking for days off? I know, this is crazy, but my parents have already spent $$$$$ on the wedding, we have hired a wedding planner, invitations have gone to the printer...there is no turning back from here! Any advice that is not "Cancel your wedding you idiot" is appreciated! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gbrothers98 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Get married after PA school. I did. Of course I had to get divorced first.....PA school helped a lot with that. GB PA-C Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ilovelost Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Hmmm, this might be relevant to my life soon... I could see getting engaged before or during PA school... but I wouldn't even think about wedding plans anywhere near my PA education or the PANCE. It can wait :). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delco714 Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Ok..So no one really answered this..realistically? You need to present this way ahead to your program. Should be ok. I agree too far to look back. I do think that the timing of it will detract from the experience. School is a poor time for babies and marriage, but make the best of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ap1249 Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Let your program know right away, and explain your situation and why you had made those choices; they should be understanding. On your end, do whatever it takes to take as few days off as possible, including having all the wedding preparations done before class starts, and deferring your honeymoon until a break in the semester. If everything is done ahead of time, you shouldn't need more than a couple days off just before your wedding. It's not ideal, but you can spend more time with your spouse and family after you finish! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MT2PA Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Alright I am in a very similar spot! My fiance proposed while I was applying to school. It was a total surprise! We immediately found a venue that we loved but had to book it right away (we got the last weekend available for 2015). Not knowing what my future was going to look like, I felt that I had made the best decision as I possibly could. Well fast forward and I have been accepted to a program and start in two months! My program knows that I am getting married (they saw my ring and asked me what my fiance does during my interview) but they do not know when. I'm getting married out of state from my program, and it will be 3 weeks into the new semester. What is the best way to go about telling my program about my upcoming nuptials and asking for days off? I know, this is crazy, but my parents have already spent $$$$$ on the wedding, we have hired a wedding planner, invitations have gone to the printer...there is no turning back from here! Any advice that is not "Cancel your wedding you idiot" is appreciated! Hurry and tell them now. Can you defer a year? Not ideal but neither is taking time off (if they even allow it) just 3 weeks into the semester. Don't ask us, ask your program and find out how much they can work with you on this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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