Contemplating leaving school

[Confused PA]

Hi Everyone,

 

To make a long story short, I started PA school and after two semesters, took a leave of absence due to depression/anxiety.  I took some time off, started medications/therapy, ate better and exercised more over the summer.  I felt great.  Then, this Fall, I started up again taking classes that the faculty deemed appropriate for me to retake.

 

My issue now is that I find myself doing better in classes, but not being very interested in them.  I see my classmates eating up pharmacology charts and being able to match bacteria to condition like their life depended on it.  I just don't find it that interesting.  Disease seems to excite my classmates, but makes me sad for the patients that have to endure it.  I am comparing myself to my classmates, which I probably shouldn't do, but the way most of them loooooove the material makes me wonder.

 

I try to look forward to see when it will get better, but I only see clinical year with rotations in surgery, OB/GYN, Peds and EM which I really don't want to do and then trying to put it all together for the PANCE  then feeling like I don't know what I am doing for the first few years of practice. 

 

I am venting and I appreciate the opportunity this forum provides for it, but am also seriously considering leaving school for good.  Do any of the more seasoned students/PAs have any advice?  Did any of you feel like leaving, even if you were passing?

 

Thanks.

 

 

 

 

 

[Disciple3]

Honestly, it sounds like you might belong in another field if that's how you "truly" feel.  Sure everyone gets down over certain things we see in the medical profession, but if you don't think you can handle the day to day things and are not even interested in it then it might not really be for you.  Another thing to consider with depression is a general "disinterest" so maybe you just haven't fully moved past that either.  I would suggest perhaps going back and re reading your personal statement about why you applied to school to begin with, remind yourself why you are there.  Go take a walk around the hospital and watch some patients that are struggling, this is an easy way to visibly remind yourself why you are there as well.  If none of these works and you didn't have a very strong motivation for attending PA school in the first place then I would cut my losses now.

 

And as a side note that could be part of this, definitely don't compare yourself to where your classmates are at now.  You are at different points now and they've delved into the material and curriculum by now and are going full speed ahead until graduation.  You've kinda missed the start of that but by no means have to count yourself out because of it.

[SHU-CH]

The above advice is good. You need to have this discussion with people that know you - they know your personality, your history, your interests. Have a frank conversation with your family and your faculty. This is not for everyone, and you have one shot at life so do something you enjoy.

 

On the flip side, the last student I spoke with about similar issues stuck it out, finished school without difficulty and likes medicine so much they are looking to go on to med school.

[Confused PA]

Thank you both for your genuine responses.  I entered the profession because I lost my Father to cancer and I was really impressed with the health care team that treated him.  As the years have passed I wonder if that is the best reason to pursue being a PA.  I just made an appointment with my advisor to talk through things and will go from there.

[primadonna22274]

I am sorry about your father.

Your soul searching is not in vain. This is a hard profession. It is not for everyone and I don't think it's worth beating yourself up if you find it's not for you.

I wonder if you would be better suited to one of the other helping professions --perhaps counseling psychology to help patients and families manage loss? You seem to have a heart for this. I think you might be a very good fit for hospice/palliative medicine, perhaps not as a medical practitioner but there are many other valuable people on that team.

Meet with your advisor. I hope you get good counsel and make the best decision for YOU.

Best wishes.

 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N910A using Tapatalk

 

 

[BennyD]

There are a lot of things in life that are hard. Many worthwhile things require some level of sacrifice.

 

Here are some questions you should as yourself:

 

1) Is there an area of medicine that I would be interested in practicing in as a PA? (consider carefully, as there are many fields!)

2) What would I gain or lose from dropping out?

3) What would I gain or lose from staying in the program?

 

I'd encourage you to hang in there. I don't know your personal situation. What I do know is that you will meet plenty of people along the way that will help and encourage you. You'll become a stronger individual because you were able to work through this! Even if its hard, you fail a couple tests, you struggle here and there, that's life. Don't get yourself down. It doesn't mean you aren't cut out to be a caring provider. I fall asleep in half my PA classes. I only find a portion of the material really interesting. Pharm,....not particularly. ;)

 

As mentioned above, you should consult some close friends or family, those who know you best. If they aren't around, decide what YOU want.

 

Best of luck

 

Benny

[Johnson2018pac]

I'm in school about where you are, 3rd semester. Is it possible that you just feel out of place with your classmates loving it and you not really being quite as enthusiastic about it?

My class is not like that at all actually...my program has placed so many extracurricular responsibilities on us outside of classes and exams that we are all just physically there. No one is really excited about the material...we are all just exhausted and going through the motions... I think if I was the only one that felt this way and the rest of my class was on cloud 9...I might would feel similar to you.

I view the program as my job...getting up, going to class, exams, homework, all the other random stuff...clock out and then go home...

[Tori]

First off, no one should be that excited about pharm charts so I think something is wrong with your classmates and not you ;). All jokes aside, there are so many different areas of medicine and it is completely normal not to find them all fascinating. I personally loved learning about infectious disease and neuro but found pulmonary quite dull and HEENT to be straight painful. So maybe you just haven't found your section yet:)

It's also very easy in didactic year to forget why we are putting ourselves through this. I started volunteering at a student run free clinic and it's been amazing to see patients and remind myself what I'm here for. I try and go once a month and swear it helps keep me sane. If your school doesn't offer something like this I recommend trying to find time to shadow a PA on a semi-regular basis in a specialty that interests you. If even after shadowing you still don't think the profession is for you, then there is no shame in leaving to find your real passion. But give it a fair shot, I promise most people are not enjoying didactic year as much as your classmates seem to be. 

[cinntsp]

I agree with the suggestion above to go back over your personal statement and reanalyze your reasons for entering the profession and what you hoped to gain out of it.  Evaluate whether these are still applicable at this point.  Also, do consider that anhedonia is a symptom of depression and discuss this possibility with your psych provider.  It may just be that your treatment needs a little more time to see a maximum benefit.

[PACdan]

There will always be people in your class that seem to spend every waking moment cramming the smallest minutia into their heads. Whether it all sticks and is retrievable later is another story. While it's important to know when an antibiotic would be appropriate, and what an appropriate choice may include, I think that memorizing doses and scheduling is largely worthless. That can be looked up in a few seconds, is more up to date, and doesn't run the risk of misremembering. We'll look up the same medication dosing hundreds of times when starting out, and then by shear repetition it will be committed to memory. But by far, the recognition is the more important aspect.

 

You don't have to be passionate about every single area of medicine to be a good provider. Empathy is probably the single most important thing, and that can't be taught. I like reading about esoteric diseases and obscure infections. That's not high-yield PANCE material, but that interests bleeds into the bread and butter stuff. If charts aren't your thing, find a good podcast, or maybe even a book. There are so many avenues to amassing clinical knowledge. Of course you need to know the testing material, but if you can get excited about a little niche somewhere in medicine, I think that will help motivate you in the other areas too.

 

Everyone in my class has two or three rotations we aren't looking forward too. Either because it's some area of medicine we're not interested in or because it's something we just dread. The best advice I've gotten about this is too look at it as a once-in-a-lifetime experience. While you may not ever work in surgery or EM, you'll pick-up many useful tidbits and skills that crossover into something else.

 

Just some thoughts. Good luck.

[Maynard]

Everything about your post suggests to me that your depression is not as well-controlled as you seem to think. You may be better than where you were before, but I think you still have some work that needs to be done.

 

Don't make a major life decision like this when you're depressed.

[Confused PA]

I would just like to say thanks to everyone for their constructive responses. 

 

I met with my advisor last week and she was very supportive of me and said that I should stay in school.  She said that being a PA student will have its ups and downs and to just take it test by test. She also said that dreading rotations at this point really is like judging a book by its cover.  It was a good chat and very pro-PA, but I guess I should have expected that speaking to someone that has dedicated her life to PA education.

 

I'm going to meet with my psychiatrist this week and change up my medication and talk about things.

 

I did re-read my personal statement.  It is generally about the loss of my father and how the health care team generated my interest in medicine.  My dad died when I was a sophomore in college.  Right around the time that I was choosing a major and what path to take early in my education.  So, I chose biology and moved forward with the goal of ending up in medicine.  Looking back, I should have tried other subjects, just to make sure I was choosing the right thing.  If I had it to do over again, I would probably choose something in television/radio/writing.  I'm at the point now where I'm torn between a probable stable job (PA) and throwing it away and trying to break into a creative career.  

 

I know that this isn't something that can be solved by an internet message board (unless one of you owns a production company on the side).  Thanks again for your replies.

[MT2PA]

I would just like to say thanks to everyone for their constructive responses. 

 

I met with my advisor last week and she was very supportive of me and said that I should stay in school.  She said that being a PA student will have its ups and downs and to just take it test by test. She also said that dreading rotations at this point really is like judging a book by its cover.  It was a good chat and very pro-PA, but I guess I should have expected that speaking to someone that has dedicated her life to PA education.

 

I'm going to meet with my psychiatrist this week and change up my medication and talk about things.

 

I did re-read my personal statement.  It is generally about the loss of my father and how the health care team generated my interest in medicine.  My dad died when I was a sophomore in college.  Right around the time that I was choosing a major and what path to take early in my education.  So, I chose biology and moved forward with the goal of ending up in medicine.  Looking back, I should have tried other subjects, just to make sure I was choosing the right thing.  If I had it to do over again, I would probably choose something in television/radio/writing.  I'm at the point now where I'm torn between a probable stable job (PA) and throwing it away and trying to break into a creative career.  

 

I know that this isn't something that can be solved by an internet message board (unless one of you owns a production company on the side).  Thanks again for your replies.

You have gotten some excellent advice here, and seem to have a plan, but I'd like to add one thing: that feeling you have, of feeling sad for the patients instead of loving microbes, reflects the reason you chose to go into PA, admiration for the healthcare team that took care of your father.  Having compassion and understanding for what patients are going through is a good trait!  You just can't let it ruin your life because people get sick all the time.  Remember that for all of the sick patients, as a PA you will also be helping just as many get healthy.

 

If you really think a career in communication is more your style you could certainly move on to that.  Depending on how deep you are in loans, you may want to consider finishing school and working as a PA to pay those off and save up money to pursue your next career or find that journalism/communication could be an enjoyable hobby on the side instead.  But don't force yourself to be a PA if you will hate going to work everyday.

[SHU-CH]

 She also said that dreading rotations at this point really is like judging a book by its cover. 

 

Every day on every rotation is an utterly unique experience. There is no point in trying to gauge what might happen there based on someone else's experiences. We have sent students to the same site, same preceptors and gotten feedback from "best experience ever" to "worst experience ever." I am inclined to correlate the experience more to student attitude than anything the clinical site does.

 

It is also normal to have doubts. Again, I would caution against comparing against classmates. Most of them probably also have doubts, they just hide them better!

 

The one thing I will say for a career in medicine is that you will have the chance to do something awesome for someone every single day of your career.

[pavlovacloud]

Hi Everyone,

 

To make a long story short, I started PA school and after two semesters, took a leave of absence due to depression/anxiety.  I took some time off, started medications/therapy, ate better and exercised more over the summer.  I felt great.  Then, this Fall, I started up again taking classes that the faculty deemed appropriate for me to retake.

 

My issue now is that I find myself doing better in classes, but not being very interested in them.  I see my classmates eating up pharmacology charts and being able to match bacteria to condition like their life depended on it.  I just don't find it that interesting.  Disease seems to excite my classmates, but makes me sad for the patients that have to endure it.  I am comparing myself to my classmates, which I probably shouldn't do, but the way most of them loooooove the material makes me wonder.

 

I try to look forward to see when it will get better, but I only see clinical year with rotations in surgery, OB/GYN, Peds and EM which I really don't want to do and then trying to put it all together for the PANCE  then feeling like I don't know what I am doing for the first few years of practice. 

 

I am venting and I appreciate the opportunity this forum provides for it, but am also seriously considering leaving school for good.  Do any of the more seasoned students/PAs have any advice?  Did any of you feel like leaving, even if you were passing?

 

Thanks.

I had to take a leave of absence for my anxiety as well. Didactic year really took a heavy toll on me and I also felt very depressed at some points too. My teachers actually noticed signs and got me seeing the school psychologist which was helpful. Some of my classmates had physical symptoms from stress too.  I can tell you didactic year was hell and sometimes I questioned if I made the right choice. But at the same time, I worked really hard for PA school and knew it was the path I wanted to take so I didn't give up. Rotations really confirmed I did make the right choice. The experiences you get in the field is nothing like the classroom. I say keep at it.

 

None of my classmates were crazy about pharmacology. It drove us crazy instead.

[greenmood]

I really think you should stick it out. There are so many possibilities for a licensed PA right now, and you haven't given yourself the chance to explore them yet.

 

I will say though - your attitude will determine, in large part, how much you enjoy the rest of your schooling and the first few years of your career. Sometimes it sucks, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes you're inspired, sometimes you're not. You can spend the next year cultivating the mental and spiritual fortitude to weather the crappy parts.

[Reality Check 2]

Don't want to be a downer - but - really consider whether or not you will be 100% THERE for your patients.

There is nothing worse than a provider who is just there to punch a clock or go through the motions.

Can you advocate for your patients and deal with their stories and drama and stay whole yourself?

It can be hard.

 

An acquaintance is an oncologist. He became a doctor because that is what his parents expected of him. He didn't want to be a doctor. He hates it. He has been doing it nearly 20 years and I would never want to be his patient. He will say at a parent dinner (our kids go to school together) that he chose oncology because a lot of his patients won't be around long and he won't have to deal with them too often............................... Seriously, said that outloud. He did what was expected of him but not what he wanted or what he might be good at. Not sure what he would be good at with this attitude but - just having to say it.

 

So, seriously consider what you WANT to do and what you CAN do and if you can do it well - the overwhelming majority of the time.

 

Maybe medical journalism is still going to be your thing someday. Just make sure you are capable of helping people and staying whole.

 

I wish you well

[Babushka]

Former PA student here (I dropped out 3rd semester).

 

Revisit your WHY behind going to PA school in the 1st place. Crucial to making  important life decisions: categorize your Why's as either "intrinsic" or "extrinsic motivators". Intrinsic motivation will carry you through all of the peaks & valleys, including this period of doubt and boredom. But if your WHY's are extrinsically motivated (ex: fancy job title, pleasing your parents, the material assets you'll procure, or just not knowing what else to do with your life), PA school will be drudgery (in the short term), and you may never find "true" satisfaction in your career (long term). So it's important to use your Why's to rekindle your passion, if it's indeed there.

 

That being said, it's unwise to borrow money that is difficult to repay. So if you're not sure whether you'll actually practice as a PA, then don't accrue the debt for a specific credential that entitles you to a specific, non-overlapping scope of practice (PA licensure will not enable you to practice as an RN or PT or nurse practitioner, for example). 

 

One last thought from someone who has walked in your shoes through the same quandary you walk through now: While there is a psychological cost to becoming a PA , there is a [perhaps greater] psychological cost to quitting. *** DON'T make a PERMANENT DECISION (that will affect the rest of your life) based on TEMPORARY circumstances, thoughts, or feelings. I urge you to tread carefully!! 

 

I withdrew from PA school in my 3rd semester for reasons that made perfect sense at the time, but in retrospect seem unreasonable & foolish. "If only I had a time machine" goes through my mind each day... But now I have to live with the consequences— that affect my life, and my children's lives. That was 6 months ago, and every day I feel the guilt and regret and disappointment in myself. 

 

If you're not 150% SURE about quitting, I urge you to first talk to your advisor, visit student counseling, and get as much input as you can before dropping out.   

 

Best wishes to you!

 

(PM me if you want to know more detail about my journey.)