Early rough draft of personal statement

[yellowpadofpaper]

This is not complete. I'm stuck and would appreciate some direction.

 

Please feel free to give whatever feed back you may have. I know I should have a lot coming!

 

I feel like I have a good start, but I'm not sure where to go from there. Thanks for reading! (X's used to maintain anonymity) 

 

 

 

I excitedly wheeled my lab cart through the hospital wards; anxiously anticipating what my future as a medical professional would entail.

“Would patients like me? What if I hurt them? I hope I can answer all of their questions,” I thought to myself.

As I approached a patient room, I had to refocus my attention. Having just been hired to the department, this was going to be my very first blood draw. Up until this point I had only completed venipunctures under the supervision of a trainer. I had studied, practiced, and been tested on proper techniques and procedures. I was confident; however first times for anything no matter how prepared can cause some nervousness.

 

I knocked on the door and walked in.

“Hi, my name is X. I’m from the lab,” I announced with a smile. “I’m here to take care of your blood draw today.”

“Oh great, the vampire is here,” the patient replied. “Why do we have to do this AGAIN? I hate this, and I FEEL LIKE A PINCUSHION IN THIS HOSPITAL!”

I acknowledged their frustrations and did my best to put them at ease.

“I know these aren’t any fun, and I’m not sure why you are scheduled to have another draw. I can check and see if your lab results are still necessary?”

“Well, okay fine.”

After checking and confirming with the nurses station that they were indeed waiting on lab results to move forward with the patient’s treatment, I returned to the patient. I gently explained what I had learned from the nurses. With the patient now a bit more willing, I applied the tourniquet, found the vein, and cleansed the site. After removing the safety sheath, I steadily pressed the needle into the vein and drew back.

 

Drawing blood as a new phlebotomist was definitely trying. I had fun quickly adapting to the fast pace, drawing difficult veins, catching incorrect orders, and the long hours on my feet. Now, what I enjoy most is the interactions I have with patients. I like to measure my accomplishments not on the number of draws I do, but on my ability to earn the trust of patients and their families. However as a phlebotomist, while I do provide an important service for patients, my role is a rather meager one. The limitations of a phlebotomist, and the limited nature of other healthcare professions, are some of my motivations for becoming a PA.

 

Shadowing PAs has shown how expansive the scope of the profession is. Not only do PAs have a plethora of technical abilities but they also must possess the intangibles as well. From educating and developing relationships with patients and their families, to assisting in surgeries and seeing patients post-operation, I am continually inspired by the career. One PA in particular that I shadowed, “X”, exemplified the necessity of a competent and trustworthy healthcare provider. As a gastroenterology PA, “X” has the task of rounding on patients in the hospital. One patient in particular having just had a stroke, was left with the inability to swallow. When consulting with the family, “X” provided hope in a time of suffering. She empathized with the family and gained their trust while developing a relationship with them. During the consultation she was able to share her knowledge and shed light on how her specialty could assist the family with the placement of a percutaneous endoscopic gastrostomy. The family put their trust into “X”, and she was able to deliver.

This encounter has shown me the importance of the relationship between the provider and the patient. As a high school water polo coach and an organic chemistry mentor, I too know the significance of a trusting relationship….

[yellowpadofpaper]

Even if you see some spelling errors or grammatical inconsistencies, just looking for something to change and make it better..THANKS

[ehubbs]

I used a "small moment" to start my essay as well but yours is way too long. You need to spend more time explaining why you. By using up so much text on narrating this small moment you haven't left much time to state your case. I would explore the water polo coaching more or maybe something else about you that makes you unique.

 

As an aside I spent well over 40 hours writing my statement.

[yellowpadofpaper]

Thanks. That was a worry of mine, that it may be too much text for a such a brief occurrence. I'm trying to weave my coaching experience in, but the way I've written it so far, it feels natural to bring it up later. Here are my revisions with some additional content:

 

 

I pushed my lab cart through the hospital wards; anxiously anticipating what my future as a medical professional would entail.

“Would patients like me? What if I hurt them? I hope I can answer all of their questions,” I thought to myself.

Approaching a patient room, I had to refocus my attention. Having just been hired to the department, this was going to be my very first blood draw. Up until this point I had only completed venipunctures under the supervision of a trainer. I was confident; however first times for anything, no matter how prepared can cause some nervousness.

 

I knocked on the door and walked in.

“Hi, my name is Andrew. I’m from the lab,” I announced with a smile. “I’m here to take care of your blood draw today.”

“Oh great, the vampire is here. Why do we have to do this AGAIN? I hate this, and I FEEL LIKE A PINCUSHION!”

I acknowledged their frustrations and did my best to put them at ease.

“I know these aren’t any fun, and I’m not sure why you are scheduled to have another draw. I can check and see if your lab results are still necessary.”

“Well, okay fine.”

After confirmation from the nurse, I gently explained their lab results were necessary to continue with their medications. With the patient now a bit more willing, I applied the tourniquet, found the vein, and cleansed the site. I steadily pressed the needle into the vein and drew back.

 

Drawing blood as a new phlebotomist was definitely trying. I had fun quickly adapting to the fast pace, drawing difficult veins, catching incorrect orders, and the long hours on my feet. Now, what I enjoy most are the interactions I have with my patients. I measure my accomplishments not on the number of draws I do, but on my ability to earn the trust of patients and their families. I can empathize with the overwhelming feelings surrounding a hospital stay, and I hope my friendly disposition and efforts at developing rapport bring some solace to my patients and their families during these trying times. However as a phlebotomist, while I do provide an important service for patients, I am limited in my scope of practice. These limitations are some of my motivations for becoming a physician assistant (PA).

 

Shadowing PAs in different practice areas has shed light on the numerous opportunities available within this profession. Not only do PAs boast a plethora of technical skills but they must also possess a myriad of interpersonal and professional capabilities. From educating, consulting and developing relationships with patients and their families, to making important decisions in patient care, I am continually inspired by this field of medicine. One PA in particular that I shadowed, “X”, exemplified the necessity of a competent and trustworthy healthcare provider. As a gastroenterology PA, “X” has the opportunity of rounding on patients in the hospital. One patient in particular having just had a stroke, was left with the inability to swallow. When consulting with the family, “X” provided solace in a time of panic and suffering. She empathized with the family and gained their trust all while developing a relationship with them. During the consultation she was able to share her knowledge and shed light on how her specialty could assist the family. She recommended the placement of a percutaneous endoscopic gastrostomy (PEG) tube to ensure proper nutrition during recovery. X’s ability to manage the emotionally stressful situation, in addition to guiding the family in making informed evidence-based medical decisions, is an incredible skill that I one day hope to possess.

 

I have always heard the expression that healthcare providers need to have a “good bedside manner” but it wasn’t until I shadowed PAs that the term actually had real-world applications for me. It became apparent that PAs having a good bedside manner was deeply rooted in their strong leadership qualities. As a phlebotomist I gain exposure to practicing good bedside manners, but I especially have benefited from my roles as a high school water polo coach and an organic chemistry mentor in establishing myself as a strong and confident leader. I have learned firsthand that leaders must operate within the framework of a team. Entrusting tasks to my assistant coaches during practices and games, enabling me to focus on bigger picture objectives, I feel translates well to a team approach as a healthcare professional.

As a coach I am a role model for impressionable teens while also being a reliable member of the community that parents trust with their children, I have to maintain a professional demeanor at all times……

 

(just threw that last sentence on there to give another lead into a new topic).

 

Thanks again.

[Derbingle]

I liked your first two paragraphs....i could visualize uou doing what you were writing about...(a lot of times i stop reading first paragraph in.) you have the ability to write with flair, dont bore it down with mindane stuff. Be true to you and that writing will come throug. Sit, feel your gut, why do you want to be a PA? Then write it. Start the third pargaraph as something deeper. We get to see how you got on the PA track. A good take off might be from when you went to check with the nurses, why does he needed Labs. (Its left hanging). What did you learn? And How did that intrigue you? Or did it? Good luck.

[yellowpadofpaper]

I liked your first two paragraphs....i could visualize uou doing what you were writing about...(a lot of times i stop reading first paragraph in.) you have the ability to write with flair, dont bore it down with mindane stuff. Be true to you and that writing will come throug. Sit, feel your gut, why do you want to be a PA? Then write it. Start the third pargaraph as something deeper. We get to see how you got on the PA track. A good take off might be from when you went to check with the nurses, why does he needed Labs. (Its left hanging). What did you learn? And How did that intrigue you? Or did it? Good luck.

 

Thank you for your input. I see what you mean when I read it from your perspective! I think I could spice it up a bit if I explained an "AH HA! moment" by connecting WHY I am drawing the blood..

[EMEDPA]

She empathized with the family and gained their trust all while developing a relationship with them

 

 I think you mean sympathized here. to experience empathy the individual would have had to have been a stoke victim themselves and known at a deeper level what was going on from personal experience.

review sympathy vs empathy definitions. just a thought.

[yellowpadofpaper]

She empathized with the family and gained their trust all while developing a relationship with them

 

 I think you mean sympathized here. to experience empathy the individual would have had to have been a stoke victim themselves and known at a deeper level what was going on from personal experience.

review sympathy vs empathy definitions. just a thought.

Great catch!! Thanks.

[wthomas1]

I think if you are going to begin with a short story, maybe announce earlier in your essay that it was your first blood draw on your own as a phlebotomist. 

 

Also never downplay your job or roles you have done previously, also put a positive spin on them so you can show what potential you have.

[yellowpadofpaper]

Good point. I see what you mean by not downplaying being a phleb, and I am not trying to on purpose.... It's just the fact that being a phleb is naturally going to have limitations. Whereas being a PA will open those doors.

[Derbingle]

Good point. I see what you mean by not downplaying being a phleb, and I am not trying to on purpose.... It's just the fact that being a phleb is naturally going to have limitations. Whereas being a PA will open those doors.[/

 

Everyone loves a talented, capable and fast phleb tech. Everyone knows their name. You guys are valuable, vs and compared to the flip side tech who prefer to read thier iphone, text message, ignore new orders, pretend they didnt see a new label, lost the label, blame you for losing a label, lost the blood, let it sit too long and on and on. The good ones are like you favorite anything. Good luck. Ps..a good way to remember empathy/sympathy.......empathy...you can put yourself in their shoes, sympathy....identify their sitiation, feel bad for them, understand, acknowledge but not experience it. IMHO.