Tell me about life as a PA-S and a parent

[DMB2015]

I'm sure there's a number of PA-Ss out there that are married and have kids. I'm hoping to be in that boat but I have been really curious about how you guys handle school and family. I have 2 girls 20 months apart, they are 6 & 7 (K and 2nd grade) and my oldest is developmentally delayed so she has alot of OP therapy and needs extra attention for her school work. I'm also a leader for my 6 yr old's Girl Scout Troop...but, I'm pretty sure I'll have to give that up if I'm offered a place in PA school.

 

I guess my "big pictue" question is, if I am accepted, will I ever see my kids? How do you find balance between school/family, or is there even such a thing as balance? And, especially you single parents -- how do you get through? What do you do when school or daycare calls and tells you your child has to go home sick, or if your child can't go to school/daycare for a number of days due to illness? What about times when your breaks for holidays & other time off don't match up with your child's breaks?

 

Thanks!

 

-D

[just_me]

You'll see them....I mean you live together right??:wink:

 

No but seriously, as a married person you certainly have it easier than me...especially if your spouse can stay at home (oh and its possible, there are families in my class like that). With someone else, you have someone that can be home during those mismatched holiday breaks, home sick days etc. Theres someone else there to provide that attention while youre buried knee deep in notes/books/powerpoints. Theres someone else there to help keep the house clean, cook meals and stock the toilet paper. Not trying to make it seem like married couples have it super easy in PA programs, but if you have a solid marriage and have been use to sharing responsibilities it should be easier---now if you have been use to traditional roles and the homemaker goes off to school, that could be a tad more difficult to manage. Give yourself a ++ if you are able to have a support system around to help out.

 

I would like to point out that Im merely comparing this to the life of a single parent PA student. Luckily (or unluckily--not sure which yet:heheh:)my child is an upcoming teen. Sorry but teens are needier than an infant most times and certainly more trouble than a 2 year old (but ya have to love them right?) so it certainly made things difficult add the fact that I moved away from my support system and well....yeah. I got budget increases to pay for tutoring, she had friends/neighbors homes that she could hang out with during my late nights and well if I didnt/couldnt go to class...I just didnt (lectures are recorded--attendance not mandatory as our program realizes we are adults and not in high school) wont kill you to miss a couple lectures to spend time with your family, just dont make a crazy habit of it. If I needed to pick her up early, I left. If breaks didnt match up, it really didnt matter because I usually sent her to her fathers or grandmothers (at her request of course) to visit.

 

Its doable as a single parent and even more doable as a couple....just takes planning/takes a little support/takes compromise from both sides....it can be done.

[Just Steve]

It's a kick in the gonads.

 

worth it? Yes. Fun? No. Easy? Not by a long shot.

 

Only way i have survived is from my past experience in the medical field. If I was doing this as a career change from non medical, I don't think I would survive without that key background knowledge.

 

My oldest is 9, my twins are six. My wife works outside of the home...looking forward to this being over.

[PYRITE]

It's rough. I have two kids (12 and 5) and there are weeks where I don't see my five year old from monday-thursday. I try to reserve Friday nights and half of Sundays for family time. During exam periods (right now) it can be especially tough. I couldn't do it without the support of my wife (who works full time). I couldn't imagine doing it as a single parent. The way I look at it it's only 36 months (30 now, not that I'm counting). The end result will be worth it.

[mackjacks]

My program requires attendance and it is really looked down upon and affects their grade if someone is absent. Everyone I know with kids has a good support system of family members, friends, and babysitters who can help out when needed. It seems like they have a backup plan for the backup plan for the backup and more. Especially for next year on rotations when we will be potentially working crazy hours.

[neikibe]

now if you have been use to traditional roles and the homemaker goes off to school, that could be a tad more difficult to manage. QUOTE]

 

That's the situation we're going to be in when I start school on August. I've already started to plant the seeds in my husband's head that there are going to have to be some *major* shifts in the distribution of household work! I'm used to juggling multiple roles (part-time work, school, parent and homemaker), but him.... not quite so much. But he's very supportive and we have a great relationship so I'm sure we''ll get through it, though it may be bumpy.

 

BTW, BMD, one of my 3 kids also has special needs. It just adds icing to the cake of complications, doesn't it?

[Fat Albert]

My wife is due with our first child 2 weeks after I begin my program. It'll be an interesting experience, to say the least. Does anybody know of a drum of amphetamines I can buy?

[LT_Oneal_PAC]

My wife is due with our first child 2 weeks after I begin my program. It'll be an interesting experience, to say the least. Does anybody know of a drum of amphetamines I can buy?

 

What a coincidence, my wife just gave birth to our first two weeks before my finals of first quarter.

 

Let me say a few things. First, do not let people make you feel guilty if you stay up all night the day your child is born to study and take a quiz the next day. Does it suck for you and your wife, yeah, but now it's out of the way and you get more time with your kid.

 

Secondly, get someone to come stay with you for the first two weeks. It's hard to be there every second and its tough on your wife who has never done this before and has to figure out a routine, while worrying about why her breast milk isn't coming in faster, why is the baby still jaundice, and her vagina feels likes it is literally going to invert and fall out. She needs to eat properly, get plenty of fluids, and its hard to do all that while trying to take care of a new baby and finding time to nap.

 

Good luck, sir. It only has affected one quiz grade so far for me (missed the class it was announced and no one told me a quiz was scheduled until a couple days before). Hit me up if you need advice or need to vent.

 

My wife had to go to her mother's (mutual decision, we put it off at first but things got worse with her mental state) during finals because she was depressed about breast feeding and feeling like she was dragging me down, not eating/drinking well for lack of time, wasn't sleeping enough because she wouldn't wake me to get help. I miss her and my new baby, but she is now much more mentally stable because she is getting help and taking care of herself.

[OpSite]

It's a kick in the gonads.

 

worth it? Yes. Fun? No. Easy? Not by a long shot.

 

Only way i have survived is from my past experience in the medical field. If I was doing this as a career change from non medical, I don't think I would survive without that key background knowledge.

 

My oldest is 9, my twins are six. My wife works outside of the home...looking forward to this being over.

 

Ditto, but from the female side. Four teens (two with IEP's) does not make this fun or easy! Working part time on top of it has been a challenge as well (going casual for rotations and can't wait!!). Just keeping an eye on the prize..........

[jsfelder0417]

I've been married for 5 years, and my wife and I have a 1 month old baby. It's been busy, but I live really close to school, which helps a lot. My prior career was in the Army, so I actually see my family a lot more now in PA school than I did before on active duty with deployments, training exercises etc. The weeks are mine, I go to school and study for most of the day, and give the family 2 hours of hanging out. On the weekends though, I give them as much time as I can to give my wife a break. So far it has worked very well.

[rev ronin]

That's the situation we're going to be in when I start school on August. I've already started to plant the seeds in my husband's head that there are going to have to be some *major* shifts in the distribution of household work!

 

Just get divorced now or abandon the idea of PA school--and save yourself the hassle of getting divorced DURING PA school.

 

If your spouse isn't already 110% supportive of the fact that your entire family life is going to get completely and totally rearranged, you are setting yourself up for a major, major disconnect. It might not really end in divorce, but some people just don't get how really serious it is that you have absolutely aligned family priorities.

[just_me]

Definitely going to be hard if he's not already use to doing "woman" things:heheh:

 

I cant really say I agree with getting a divorce or abandoning the idea of school but you need to do more than simply planting the seeds, you need to get him started now, assuming the roles--find out now if he can handle it because if he can't then you two have some serious soul searching to do.

 

now if you have been use to traditional roles and the homemaker goes off to school, that could be a tad more difficult to manage. QUOTE]

 

That's the situation we're going to be in when I start school on August. I've already started to plant the seeds in my husband's head that there are going to have to be some *major* shifts in the distribution of household work! I'm used to juggling multiple roles (part-time work, school, parent and homemaker), but him.... not quite so much. But he's very supportive and we have a great relationship so I'm sure we''ll get through it, though it may be bumpy.

 

BTW, BMD, one of my 3 kids also has special needs. It just adds icing to the cake of complications, doesn't it?

[kayg1]

Just get divorced now or abandon the idea of PA school--and save yourself the hassle of getting divorced DURING PA school.

 

Wow.......let's not get crazy.

[neikibe]

Woah, that was some serious negativity. I'm very new here, just found out a couple of weeks ago that I'm accepted, so yeah, I'm still in the "planting seeds" stage right now--but we have until next Fall to be in full-on ready-to-go mode so we'll definitely be doing as just_me suggests and transitioning our chore distribution before then. We've already talked about that.

 

I'm really not worried about our relationship surviving, to tell you the truth. We've been together for well over two decades and have gotten through some pretty serious crap already... two graduate degrees (one for each of us), military deployments, special needs kid, chronic debilitating health condition (now under control)... so no, I don't think that PA school will break us. I don't know anyone with a stronger relationship. I am just interested in advice on how to minimize the pain for everyone involved, of which I know there will definitely be some!

[rev ronin]

Wow.......let's not get crazy.

 

Yep. I never talk about cancer with my patients who smoke, or HIV/AIDS with my patients who come to talk about birth control, because it would be irresponsible to scare people into taking the downsides of their short-sighted and dangerous actions seriously.

 

It is not for one partner to tell the other one about unilaterally-imposed changes. If a family is going to go to PA school, the FAMILY has to want to go to PA school. Relationship attrition in my class was about 50%, higher for nonmarried couples than married--although, interestingly enough, all the married couples with one or more children made it through.

 

So no, do not hint at your partner about what will change... if you want them to stay with you. Talk early and often.

[neikibe]

So, in your analogy, someone with a family going to PA school is engaging in something "short-sighted and dangerous", akin to smoking or having unprotected sex with multiple partners?

 

I do agree that it is important that everyone in the family be supportive and on board. That is the situation that we have right now, but I know that later on, after classes actually start, reality will hit and there will be some pain, even possibly some resentments. We're all human, and change is hard.

 

Also, by the way there is no "hinting" going on; when I said "planting seeds" I meant preliminary discussions.

[rev ronin]

So, in your analogy, someone with a family going to PA school is engaging in something "short-sighted and dangerous", akin to smoking or having unprotected sex with multiple partners?

 

That's so vastly off the mark of what I said that it calls your analogy-interpretation skills into question.

 

Saying that your partner will have to make some changes and that you're "planting seeds" about those changes says that you have unilaterally decided that changes will be made, rather than approaching this other adult and discussing together the reality of PA school obligations and whether each of you is ready to meet them together and do what it takes to succeed. If you're already committed together and working out the fine details, then you've simply made yourself sound self-centered and inconsiderate when reality differs, but the post I was reacting to did not paint that sort of a picture.

 

The reality is, people who get into PA school are almost all type A hard-charging folks. In your quest to achieve, do not forget the others in your life, lest in your ignorance of or apathy towards their desires and needs, you wreck your relationship when you and they find the reality of what you've gotten into more than they can tolerate.

[neikibe]

rev ronin, you know nothing about me or my relationship aside from what you have seen in a few typed characters on your screen, yet you choose to assume the worst and to post inflammatory and hurtful replies, when I was only making a light-hearted reply to another poster.

 

I plan to remain in this forum for the support and practical advice that it offers, but I have no interest in interacting with people who behave in the way that you have on this thread.

 

Please refarin from replying to my posts. In the future I will certainly refrain from replying to yours.

[Will352ns]

I'm really not worried about our relationship surviving, to tell you the truth. We've been together for well over two decades and have gotten through some pretty serious crap already... two graduate degrees (one for each of us), military deployments, special needs kid, chronic debilitating health condition (now under control)... so no, I don't think that PA school will break us. I don't know anyone with a stronger relationship. I am just interested in advice on how to minimize the pain for everyone involved, of which I know there will definitely be some!

 

We have a very similar background, but slightly reversed. When I'm at home, I help out around the house as much as I can because my wife has to stay home with my disabled son pretty much full time. It's my way of giving her a break. Once I start PA school this summer, it's game on....that help is greatly reduced. I am lucky in the fact that she fully supports my decision and knows that being a PA is what I want to do. I almost opted to go the RN route because it would have been an easier path; it was she who told me that I would never be happy doing that.

 

She also realizes the benefits of my career choice; job stability, good salary, and good options as to where we want to end up. These are things that your partner needs to understand and focus on. It's a couple of years of suck for long term gain; for everyone.