jnm2008 Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Hi All, My husband has been accepted into his top choice of programs, 30 minutes from home, and will start in January of 2013. We own our home, and he will live at home and stop working during the program. I work PT, and carry health and dental benefits at work. For income, we will need to take out loans for some living expenses during the program, but he does plan on participating in the State's underserved area care program, so hopefully some of his student loans will be eliminated after his commitment is up. My husband thrives on stress. He has been a post-baccalaureate student for the past five years now, most of it FT, getting his pre-reqs done in anticipation for school. While being a FT student, he worked 60+ hours PER week the whole time as a paramedic/FF, got married, bought and completely renovated our home (from the studs out and complete exterior), had and had a baby...who is now 2 and has special needs. Yes, we're busy. But our lives are enjoyable, and we love our son to pieces. He was VERY sick for his first year and a half of life, but is now at a point where he is doing well and thriving. His condition is not something that will ever go away. I manage all of my son's medical care (he is tube dependent, needs a lot of medications, therapies, etc). I attend all his appointments, and hospitalizations, so my husband would not have to worry about any of that while he is in school. We literally will just keep our current system in place, execpt there is no renovation work to do anymore, and my husband won't be "working" except for the occaisional call-duty at the department when his school schedule will allow. Well, we are now planning to have another child. We are looking into early spring of 2013, just a few months after he begins the didactic portion of his schooling. We do have childcare for our son, and I will take the standard 12 weeks off with baby #2. Shortly after that, our special needs son will begin part time schooling 5 days per week, lessening our need for childcare, which is provided by my in-laws since they are retired and have offered free childcare. Waiting until after school to have another child is not an option for us for medical reasons related to our son's diagnosis. Our risk is 50% to have another affected child, and that risk increases with age. With this being said, however, we are not worried about having another special needs child, if that's what we get. We already know what we are up against, and have a really good support system in place. We would just like to lessen the chances of that happening without resorting to high-tech fertility treatments. Our question is, does it sound reasonable for us to have another child during the early part of his didactic phase? Keep in mind that it's me getting pregnant/having this baby...not him, who will be the student...I just wanted to make sure that was clear. I'm not talking about me going to school and having a baby... We were concerned about holding off until the rotations phase because he will not be home, and may need to be away for weeks at a time depending on where they send him for clinical sites. My thoughts were, during the didactic phase, he would be crazy busy with studying, but at least he would be home in the late evenings to "help" with the little things like give our son his meds/get him in the bath tub/ bed, and he would also be around a little more in the beginning while we are still adjusting to having two children. Thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cecilia Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 what happens if you have a difficult pregnancy and are not able to work? will there be an income coming in anyway? i vote to wait until kid #1 is a little older. Going from one kid to two is a big change. Even if kid #1 is manageable right now, after a new baby comes, s/he may become more clingy, jealous, etc... Is there a grandma around to help? You said your husband will be very stressed and that may not be good for the whole situation. Baby #2 may not sleep during the night, and that means you will not, and most likely will wake up kid#1. Worst case scenario: a complete disaster. You need to asses the possibilities before you get there. I am a mom of 3. all pregnancies very different. all babies very different. first one slept during the night, perfect baby. Second and third, i would wake up every 2 hours, sometimes having two babies crying at the same time at night (my 2nd and 3rd are only 11 months apart). There is nothing wrong with having more of a separation between kid#1 and kid #2. In fact, from what I have read, kids seem to do better when they have more attention from their parents until they are 4 or 5 before another kid shows up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jnm2008 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Share Posted April 23, 2012 Baby #1 just started sleeping more than two consecutive hours last month, at nearly 2 years old. We are no strangers to sleep deprivation, managing his chronic medical problems and he screamed his lungs out for 23 hours a day for over 10 months due to his condition. All this while hubby went to school FT, maintaning a 3.7 GPA and working 60 hours a week. Time management is our strength, if nothing else is. We know we may not get lucky next time. Fine, we already know there's a 50% risk of another affected child. We will not be waiting until after school to have another for medical reasons, the longer we wait, the higher our odds of having another affected child are, since it is chromosomal in nature. We are both a-okay with having another affected child, we know exactly what we are up against...but we are trying to lessen our chances, therefore, a "4-5 year age gap" is not an option. We would also like more than two children, so we would like our third shortly after he graduates/starts working. We are not willing to do high tech fertility treatments for personal reasons, which is our only other option. I'm no fool. I didn't say it would be easy. I was merely asking whether the didactic or rotation phase might be the best timing...we aren't "in it" yet, so I was hoping to hear from someone who is. Basically, my reasoning for choosing the early didactic phase is in my original post, I was looking to see if that was a reasonable assumption. We are just trying to make the best of what we have been given. We won the genetic lottery, lucky us. I'm pretty sure hundreds of PA student's spouses give birth while they are in their program. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmaski Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 I feel like I should not tell you what to do, but since you wanted votes- maybe to help you out deciding I'd vote for #1 : wait until 2nd year. I have 2 little ones and I'm starting PA school next month, my husband and I don't have financial issues but we're already freaking out. It will be lot of stress just from the change that will happen. so just an advise from a mom, wait until-at least- your husband gets done with his 1st year. Believe in God, your second child will be what god meant him/her to be whether he/she came a year early or 3 years after. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MMiller Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Wait. Wait until your husband is done with school before you have another child. 2 years is not that long, and it will be better for your entire family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Steve Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 It's an impossible question. You have already pre loaded the scenario with "husband thrives on stress" and several examples to back up your claim. You have already laid out your plan for child care and all of that. You go so far to state your chances for another affected child. If you got a "no" or "wait" answer I bet you already have a stack of points to bring forward why you should go forward with your plan. We all have our own opinions. In the scenario you describe my vote is not to have another child period. Dedicate all available time/dollars to care for the child you have now and create a life and bond as enriched and as wonderful as possible for your child, husband, and yourself. Will the stress of PA school be critical in the home life? There are sssoooo many variables in that process that it's impossible to give a good assessment from out here in the peanut gallery. Things like your husband's background...as a medic, did he transport or just ride as an ALS first responder on the fire engine? Any background in critical care medicine? How many years has he been doing it? What is his overall disposition? Can he slow down and live in the moment in front of him or is he always reaching for the next best thing? Is he happy bombing a mid term if he has to in order to care for his growing family and end up with a barely passing grade at the end of the term? The decision is between you, your husband, and extended family....those who know you best. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acebecker Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 I agree with Just Steve insofar as he brings up your well thought out plans and your statements about the fact that you won't be waiting until the end of school for medical reasons. You are obviously fairly convinced to do this. Our opinions shouldn't matter all that much. There is nothing wrong with your plans, either way - child in 1st year or child in 2nd year will not likely affect you guys much. You're committed, have it well thought out. To be honest, I can't comment on your situation with any authority as I am not in it. I'll just tell you that my wife had our 2nd baby 2 mos into the program, and a classmates' wife had their 4th about 6 mos in. We all survived. But there were no extraneous demands - our children had no special needs. The biggest drawback is that we missed so much of their early lives because we were busy with school. It was no walk in the park, and your situation sounds much more challenging than ours were. Good luck. Hope you get it figured out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swimbikerun4fun Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 JMN2008, You thoughts are well thought and your question well considered. The others have posted good ideas. As has been already said, its good/ok to seek opinions on what others would do, but ultimately it is you and your husband's ultimate decision on what's best for your individual situation. Unlike many on this forum, I am a pa school reject, meaning, twice now, not accepted. My story is long but that is not the purpose of this post. I simply want to introduce you to a wonderful program that someone told me about 3 years. www.daveramsey.com Besides reading his books and following his philosophy for getting out of debt, managing financial matters and saving for the future, he offers a fabulous online forum, where there are thousands of members (~$100/yr) where they offer absolutely wonderful advice to people on things such as what you write about - making good decisions, stressful times, communication with spouse, etc. Not being accepted to the one and only PA program that is reasonable for me and my family, not once, but twice, has been the most devastating disappointment I have dealt with in my 23 years as a health professional. The strangers on that forum helped me turn the situation around, partner with my hubbie of 20 years instead of divorce, convinced us we could indeed work 5 jobs between the 2 of us to successfully pay off $100,000 in 2 years, and now, in the past year, have now got $60,000 sitting in bank for when I DO get accepted this time, to pay cash for tuition and allow me to only work 1 job, nurses aide on weekends, as I carry the health insurance for our family. YEAH! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taotaox1 Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 So.. what you are is asking is "Is it a good idea to take the high risk of giving birth to a second special needs kid while my husband is in PA school"? (Since you asked for "thoughts" in a public forum I will give you my true answer, not my polite work one.) First off, the answer is no... that is likely one of the least good ideas you could have in reference to PA school. Could you and him pull it off? Only you and him know that. With that said...... You sound like you have already made your mind up and want someone to "co-sign" an idea that you already know is less than stellar. This would be a iffy proposition (as least as something to do on purpose) without the fact that your first child is special needs. The fact that your second child ALSO has at least a 50% chance of having the same problems compounds this significantly. Not to mention the very questionable ethics of continuing to have children with those kind of odds, when adoption is a viable option. This just screams "selfish" to me on multiple levels. I wish you the best, but this situation and your explanation of it sets my "uh oh" radar off. It seems like you may be thinking more about your desires/ambitions than your husband (or...... if he really is on board 100%) your future child that would fulfill these desires and ambitions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aprillh Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 I think either phase would be fine, really. Didactic he will be studying a lot but during rotations he will be taking call and up all night or away at the hospital. Of course, during "easy" rotations, the schedule will be more manageable but you never know... Being a parent is hard and I think it is smart to look further down the road, knowing that the time he is in school is finite. Meaning, you can get through the tough times. You may not feel like it at times, but you have handled some intense stress already. And who knows, you may get blessed with the easiest pregnancy, delivery, and baby and all this wondering will be for nothing. If you get pregnant while he is on rotations, it will be that much closer to graduation anyway and that will only be months of managing 'on your own' vs. years if you were to get pg now. Best of luck either way and prayers for an easy pregnancy and baby! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mdebord Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 Although I am in agreement with others who have already spoken, you've made it clear that you only want an opinion on didactic vs clinical year, so I will try to help you out there. I vote for clinical year. Although each person and school is different, I found that I had much more time in the second year. In didactic, you generally have a full "work day" of classes, then are left to study at night and on weekends. It's not unreasonable to expect that your husband will help out somewhat in the evenings, but remember he will need A LOT of "quiet time" to himself as well. During clinical year, the schedule depends on the rotation. Of course there will be ER nights and on-call times, but more than half of my time was spent in an 8-5, weekends off situation. My friends and family noticed that I had more time for them. Of course studying is still important, but becomes less time-consuming. As others have said, the decision is up to the two of you, just make sure you have considered all possibilities (you on bedrest, either of your children in the ICU, etc.) These are situations that could severely impact your husband's ability to finish school, and certainly on time. Every pregnancy comes with an inherent risk, but only can you say if you think it's worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SocialMedicine Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 I would wait. Let your husband understand what PA school is about and what the time requirements area. He could easily be spending 70 hours a week in class and studies. When he is in clerkship he will easily be working a 50 hour + work week with little flexibility and the possibility of nights and travel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jnm2008 Posted April 25, 2012 Author Share Posted April 25, 2012 All I have to say is "wow"... First off, most of you are extremely rude, condescending, and have abosolutely no grounds to judge our choices, thoughts, beliefs or decisions regarding our family planning. I was asking for guidance on which year would be best to have another child, of the two years. Despite stating consistently that waiting was not an option, I still got that for an answer. You are not in our shoes, and I hope that you never will be. Why? Because it has been the most emotionally challenging, greuling and painful experience I could ever imagine. You have no idea what we went through to have our son because of our situation. None. You have no idea how old we are, and how we might not have a lot of time left to have kids. I know that two years isn't a long time to wait in theory. But you don't know the risks we have discussed with our doctors about with regards to waiting either. You also have no idea what we are like personally, or what our relationship is like, what our support system is like, or what we are personally able to handle stress wise, other than the information I provided, which was supposed to quell those of you who were going to tell me that it would be too stressful. Like I said before, I'm no idiot. We can handle stress. I was NOT asking whether or not you thought it was a "stellar" idea as someone said, nor was I asking your your uninformed judgements. I was asking whether or not PARENTS who are in PA/have gone through PA school either HAVE HAD or would have had an easier time with having another child during their first, or second year. That was the question. I do not care what you think about my choices. In fact, if you didn't want to answer the question, you shouldn't have bothered responding at all. I honestly hope you all are better listeners and medical providers with your patients than what you display here. Apparently, compassion is not your strong point...And this is coming from a woman who works in an Emergency Department and her husband, who for the record for which ever of you wanted to know, has 10 years experience in firefighting/EMS, 7 of which are as a medic on both transport and critical care transport trucks, for both private and municipal departments...and two years experience in house in an ER medic. In fact, I received "people" on an online forum intended for support of those going through the challenges and rewards of this career choice telling me that I'm selfish for wanting another child, or that my husband really might not "be on board" with this. Excuse me? Who exactly do you think you are? And yes, we already had a decision in mind. And YES! I was looking for someone to back up the CHOICE we already made...BY TELLING ME WHICH YEAR YOU THOUGHT MAY BE BEST...FIRST OR SECOND. We were debating at home, between ourselves, but wanted the input from someone who has been there before. First year= busy studying, but home at night to help when possible and not studying. Second year=lighter courseload, more "free" time, but might be on call/away nights or away for weeks at a time on rotation. I was NOT asking whether or not we should wait, persue adoption, IVF, etc etc etc. And, for the record, my son is not a death sentence. He is typical in more ways than not. He is a complete and total love. He may have a trisomy, but he is only very minimally behind cognitively. Last check he scored around the 18 month mark for cognitive and speech. He is almost 24 months. His biggest problems are the medical ones, 95% of which are managed and behind him (so far). He is currently thriving, growing and very much a typical two year old boy. He loves playing ball, Sesame Street, and playing outside. The only differences are we communicate primarily with ASL, he needs his tube to survive, and we give him medications to help his body do most of the functions you take for granted. Shame on you for making judgements and your hurtful comments about bringing another child into the world. All I can say is thank heavens he was born to us, and not you. We knew he was sick before he was born, and chose to have him anyways. That was our choice. And we will do it again if put in that situation, which was stated correctly at 50%. Those were the cards we were dealt. Just be thankful that you aren't the ones going through this. But HOW DARE you judge us. We take excellent care of our child, and he is doing very well because of how well we advocate for him and manage his medical care. With all we have given him in his two years of life, he has given us much more. And my husband is more than 100% sure he wants this, in fact, it was he that suggested we not wait to have another baby. So for those who feel like they can contribute to this discussion without the negativity, I welcome your input. But don't sit here and think you can be all big and bad behind a computer screen. I doubt you'd ever say things like that to someone's face. And if you would, maybe it's time for you to find another line of work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merseur Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 I agree with everyone. I think you took the risk of receiving negative feed backs when you posted your question on a public site. Not everyone will agree with your decision. The responses weren't rude and judgmental. I think people gave you their honest opinions which you have solicited. Everyone one of us have been to PA school and knows how much time and dedication it took to finish. I knew people who got divorced or separated while in PA school. While some students in my class worked full time while in PA school, they struggled to graduate. It appears that you have already made your decision. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MMiller Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 All I have to say is "wow"... First off, most of you are extremely rude, condescending, and have abosolutely no grounds to judge our choices, thoughts, beliefs or decisions regarding our family planning. I was asking for guidance on which year would be best to have another child, of the two years. Despite stating consistently that waiting was not an option, I still got that for an answer. You are not in our shoes, and I hope that you never will be. Why? Because it has been the most emotionally challenging, greuling and painful experience I could ever imagine. You have no idea what we went through to have our son because of our situation. None. You have no idea how old we are, and how we might not have a lot of time left to have kids. I know that two years isn't a long time to wait in theory. But you don't know the risks we have discussed with our doctors about with regards to waiting either. You also have no idea what we are like personally, or what our relationship is like, what our support system is like, or what we are personally able to handle stress wise, other than the information I provided, which was supposed to quell those of you who were going to tell me that it would be too stressful. Like I said before, I'm no idiot. We can handle stress. I was NOT asking whether or not you thought it was a "stellar" idea as someone said, nor was I asking your your uninformed judgements. I was asking whether or not PARENTS who are in PA/have gone through PA school either HAVE HAD or would have had an easier time with having another child during their first, or second year. That was the question. I do not care what you think about my choices. In fact, if you didn't want to answer the question, you shouldn't have bothered responding at all. I honestly hope you all are better listeners and medical providers with your patients than what you display here. Apparently, compassion is not your strong point...And this is coming from a woman who works in an Emergency Department and her husband, who for the record for which ever of you wanted to know, has 10 years experience in firefighting/EMS, 7 of which are as a medic on both transport and critical care transport trucks, for both private and municipal departments...and two years experience in house in an ER medic. In fact, I received "people" on an online forum intended for support of those going through the challenges and rewards of this career choice telling me that I'm selfish for wanting another child, or that my husband really might not "be on board" with this. Excuse me? Who exactly do you think you are? And yes, we already had a decision in mind. And YES! I was looking for someone to back up the CHOICE we already made...BY TELLING ME WHICH YEAR YOU THOUGHT MAY BE BEST...FIRST OR SECOND. We were debating at home, between ourselves, but wanted the input from someone who has been there before. First year= busy studying, but home at night to help when possible and not studying. Second year=lighter courseload, more "free" time, but might be on call/away nights or away for weeks at a time on rotation. I was NOT asking whether or not we should wait, persue adoption, IVF, etc etc etc. And, for the record, my son is not a death sentence. He is typical in more ways than not. He is a complete and total love. He may have a trisomy, but he is only very minimally behind cognitively. Last check he scored around the 18 month mark for cognitive and speech. He is almost 24 months. His biggest problems are the medical ones, 95% of which are managed and behind him (so far). He is currently thriving, growing and very much a typical two year old boy. He loves playing ball, Sesame Street, and playing outside. The only differences are we communicate primarily with ASL, he needs his tube to survive, and we give him medications to help his body do most of the functions you take for granted. Shame on you for making judgements and your hurtful comments about bringing another child into the world. All I can say is thank heavens he was born to us, and not you. We knew he was sick before he was born, and chose to have him anyways. That was our choice. And we will do it again if put in that situation, which was stated correctly at 50%. Those were the cards we were dealt. Just be thankful that you aren't the ones going through this. But HOW DARE you judge us. We take excellent care of our child, and he is doing very well because of how well we advocate for him and manage his medical care. With all we have given him in his two years of life, he has given us much more. And my husband is more than 100% sure he wants this, in fact, it was he that suggested we not wait to have another baby. So for those who feel like they can contribute to this discussion without the negativity, I welcome your input. But don't sit here and think you can be all big and bad behind a computer screen. I doubt you'd ever say things like that to someone's face. And if you would, maybe it's time for you to find another line of work. Why don't you save the pity-party act for another forum. We are all health care providers here, and many of us DO know what you are going through. Don't be so quick to think you are the only couple with challenges in their family life. What we do bring to the discussion, however, is a perspective you and your husband DON'T have, and that is how hard PA school can be. So before you get your fragile feelings hurt by airing everything on a public forum and not liking the responses, maybe take a step back and realize folks are just offering up the same advise as we would one of our own patients who presented a question like this to us. 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taotaox1 Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 Look, I feel a bad for the overly assumptive nature of my reply and the level of distress it seems to have caused you, and I apologize for it. I do not know you or your husband and he may very well be completely on board with the situation. I did not mean it as an accusation, but more as food for thought. My post did not, however, reflect this well and upon re-reading I see it does come off as accusatory and even condescending. Once again, my apologies for the poor form. Also, no one, including me, was attacking your choice to keep your first kid or how you are taking care of him. I am sure you are a great mom and your son is wonderful... most kids with trisomy are absolute balls of love and smiles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kittryn Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 after reading your introductory letter posing your question, I was going to say if anyone can handle the stress of your projected scenario it would seem to be you and your husband. you both have accomplished mountains of life goals at an early stage of life, and seem to be handling those choices very well, and with lots of support (which you are very lucky to have!). after reading your second letter, though, I thought, "whoa, slow down here, wait a minute..." in that you went from 0-10 anger/defensiveness when confronted with some ill-thought-out and possibly ignorant and/or clumsy responses to your question. letting your dander fly so quickly (and at such length!) can be highly alienating, but then again, you seem to have done fine so far with presumably the same personality. so apart from cringing at your reaction, I think you and your husband can most likely handle whatever life throws at you. PA school is very hard, and didactic and clinical are each very tough in their own way. so do your research (as you do) and make your decision (tho I suspect you already have), and God bless you. and try to bear in mind that even with the best and most thorough attempts to account for all factors in such a big life decision, life still holds all the cards with regard to those unexpected curve balls. best of luck. and ps I agree that some of the responses to your post were presumptuous and outside the scope of your query. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azwerin Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 I disagree that he will be home to help during didactic year. If anything clinical year he will have adapted better and know how to study. Pa school is very different then working and going to school full time. I did that and I did it pregnant and pa school is still way harder and time consuming. I would recommend waiting until his rotation phase to get pregnant. 1 year is not a major affect on the high risk pregnancy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiaroscuro27 Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 I love it when people come to a public forum to ask for advice concerning private family matters, only to get upset when a bunch of strangers who don't know the details of their lives tell them things they don't want to hear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
physasst Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 Why don't you save the pity-party act for another forum. We are all health care providers here, and many of us DO know what you are going through. Don't be so quick to think you are the only couple with challenges in their family life. What we do bring to the discussion, however, is a perspective you and your husband DON'T have, and that is how hard PA school can be. So before you get your fragile feelings hurt by airing everything on a public forum and not liking the responses, maybe take a step back and realize folks are just offering up the same advise as we would one of our own patients who presented a question like this to us. Agreed with this. I don't know you or your situation, but you asked a question and have gotten some responses. It seemed from your OP that you had decided you were going to do this either way. Part of being a health care provider is giving answers that people don't like. I do it every day. I've had patients tell me I'm the biggest a*shole they've ever met..I've had others (the majority) say how much they love me...whats the difference? Cause the unhappy ones want one answer, one answer only and don't like the alternative answers. The same situation has occured here. No one insulted your son directly that I saw. I wish you and your husband good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tigerlily Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 So.. what you are is asking is "Is it a good idea to take the high risk of giving birth to a second special needs kid while my husband is in PA school"? (Since you asked for "thoughts" in a public forum I will give you my true answer, not my polite work one.) First off, the answer is no... that is likely one of the least good ideas you could have in reference to PA school. Could you and him pull it off? Only you and him know that. With that said...... You sound like you have already made your mind up and want someone to "co-sign" an idea that you already know is less than stellar. This would be a iffy proposition (as least as something to do on purpose) without the fact that your first child is special needs. The fact that your second child ALSO has at least a 50% chance of having the same problems compounds this significantly. Not to mention the very questionable ethics of continuing to have children with those kind of odds, when adoption is a viable option. This just screams "selfish" to me on multiple levels. I wish you the best, but this situation and your explanation of it sets my "uh oh" radar off. It seems like you may be thinking more about your desires/ambitions than your husband (or...... if he really is on board 100%) your future child that would fulfill these desires and ambitions. I know that it is a sensitive question, and some honest answers might be taken offensively...but I agree 100% with every word that taotaox said... Every answer is a fair answer, regardless of who it comes from, you are on a public forum. You said people shouldn't answer if they didn't want to answer to begin with, what I think you meant to say is that people shouldn't answer if they don't plan to give the answer you have pre-plotted for them. It sounds like you're not the only one that has suffered through your child's ailments...sounds like your child has suffered just as much...probably more. So I wish you weren't so offended by somebody saying it is selfish to want to try for a 2nd baby...regardless if it is during the 1st or 2nd year of your husband's pa program. I know you mentioned so much about the potential difficulties YOU and YOUR husband will face, and how YOU are prepared for those challenges...nothing about the suffering your future child could potentially go through. I know my response will probably anger you further, and you will probably discard my point of view, and take only the opinions from those that agree with any part of your plan. You can also request a change a provider if you find one that disagrees with your plan, pretty easy to exercise your free-will. Either way, I hope that part of you is actually willing to listen to all the feedback you requested. BTW...sounds like you strive on stress as well. I truly wish the best for YOUR BABY regardless of your choice... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bradtPA Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 For the OP, the original post was from April, and any suggestion I have is probably too late. But the fact is, any problems that a student has with home, finance, kids, etc wil be made much worse by the stress of PA school. 10 exams in 10 days for finals is common, causing the student to have to devote most of their time to survival. 8 hours of class and 8 hours of home study is the norm in year one, and spending time in different cities and sometimes different states during rotations is the norm, forcing the spouse to assume the role of both parents. The question here is really whether or not the spouse can handle things alone while the student is in school, because there will be many days where the student will not be able to help you at all. To ANY family considering something like this, the BEST answer is to wait. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rcdavis Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Forced to choose between 1st and 2nd yrs only, take the second. And ADOPT... which of course entirely eliminates any health issues, any time constraints, etc. your tone sounds like you have already made up your mind. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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