VERY Rough Draft - can someone tell me if I'm headed in the right direction for my personal statement? Thank you!!

[MarissaGottschall]

Palms clammy, legs nervously trembling, heart pounding, mind going a million miles a minute. You would think I was lining up to run the Olympic 100m dash. Instead, I was just an anxious freshman sitting in the undergraduate advising office waiting to hear my name get called. I entered college unsure of what career path I wanted to pursue and now it was time to face the inevitable question: what was I going to do with my future? I love science, I love anatomy, I love biology. Those were the first words I blurted out as I walked into my advisor’s office. At least that’s a start, right? No more than five minutes later, I was officially enrolled in classes setting me up for a future in healthcare.

            College. The perfect time to go out on a whim and try something new. With that in mind, I decided to become an EMT. My ability to make patient-care decisions, perform focused patient assessments, and think competently under stress has consistently been tested, tweaked, and perfected. However, a majority of EMS calls are relatively straight-forward and non-critical. I had to hone in on a skill set that is often overlooked, that is, the ability to show respect, offer reassurance, and display compassion to all patients, regardless of patient priority. Creating a positive experience can truly make all the difference: an angry patient can be defused, a scared patient can become more comfortable, a family member can feel more at ease knowing their loved one is receiving the best care.

            It is now 3:50am and I am at the hospital dropping off my third patient of the night. Each time I transferred over one of my patients, I was left with the burning question: what happens next? With that in mind, I began volunteering in the emergency department. I was captivated by the inner-workings of the hospital. The collaborative efforts between doctors, PAs, and nurses was like clockwork, each carrying out their part to arrive at the same end goal: a successful patient outcome. What stuck out to me the most was the patient interaction between the physician assistant and the patient. The PA’s constant reassuring gaze, positive attitude, and unwavering smile, even when the emergency department was overflowing with patients. From the start, the physician assistant had directed attention to patient interaction, ensuring the patient had a positive experience. She took a special interest in the patient’s story, leaving the patient feeling heard and valued. The way the PA approached patient care, personably with compassion and reassurance, encompassed traits I both admired and to which I could relate. From that moment on, I was hooked.

            I went on to seek out numerous PA shadowing opportunities. I saw how PAs dabble in every specialty; a limitless range of knowledge and capabilities. The surgical PA I shadowed bounced from a brain surgery to an orthopedic surgery without falter. The emergency department PAs I shadowed were able to assess, diagnose, and treat each patient without a shadow of doubt. The overall versatility of a PA astounded me, the ability to transfer their knowledge and skills from one specialty to another. The opportunities are infinite. Again and again I was reassured as to why I chose this profession.

            My education solidified my path to becoming a physician assistant. My first year in college was a challenging adjustment period for me, as it is for most freshman. Naive of the rigor of college classes, uncertain of how to study effectively and unsure of how to manage my time. I was prompted to adjust the way I approached each class. I thought of each class as a new challenge, one I could approach, evaluate, and analyze in a way much like a physician assistant does with each patient, assessing, diagnosing and treating them appropriately. Eventually I figured it out; my grades steadily improved concurrently with the rigor of my classes.

            I am no longer that timid, anxious freshman sitting in the chair waiting to hear my name get called, unsure of what to do next. I am now striving towards a profession that so seamlessly highlights my personality and encompasses qualities that I admire. From spending the extra minute speaking with the patient to bouncing from specialty to specialty, a physician assistant can do it all. A patient’s outcome isn’t only dependent on the medical care they receive, but also on the level of attention and positive experiences they are given. Wise words I once heard were: “I will not only treat the disease; I will treat the patient with the disease”. Those words embody what it means to be a physician assistant.

[Caligal]

You are definitely off to a good start! I think because you talked about your education in the 5th paragraph, you can tweak your introductory paragraph a bit more. Maybe try to combine those 2 paragraphs into one. Also, in your second paragraph, I would try to talk about a situation that you faced on the job and how that solidified your decision to be a PA. Try to incorporate how each experience made you want to be a PA even more. Otherwise, I think your statement is really good!

[MarissaGottschall]

Thank you so much for your feedback, I appreciate it!!!

[aba51]

I really liked the flow of your narrative. It's very engaging. With that said, here are some of my suggestions:

** "However, a majority of EMS calls are relatively straight-forward and non-critical." You were probably describing the area that you worked in or if it was for a transport company, but as someone who has experience in the field as both an EMT and paramedic, I was kinda insulted. It comes off as a generalization (my service area was the complete opposite), so honestly I would just take that sentence out.

 

** "...I was left with the burning question: what happens next? With that in mind, I began volunteering in the emergency department." I see where this transition is coming from but it could be more smooth. Maybe you can specifically say that you were wondering what happened next with the patient or how the patient process went after EMS, etc.

 

** Platitudes like "shadow of doubt" or "the opportunities are infinite" can be nixed out. It takes up unwarranted space.

 

All in all, I would recommend you be more specific of the PA profession. I know you listed qualities like "compassion" or "reassurance" or duties like "diagnosing and treating" but those are also the qualities of a doc and np. What is it that PAs are known for (you touch more on this in the 4th paragraph)? Try to make your sentences more concise and each word valuable and necessary. I don't know how much characters your narrative is, but once you have more concise sentences, you'll find that you'll have more room to expand on specificity and personal experience.

[MarissaGottschall]

Thank you for your feedback!! I will definitely be going back to make some corrections!

[Patricia5827]

I’ll messgw you my edits if you read mine

[MarissaGottschall]

Thanks so much! I am going to revise my statement a little more and then send it your way!