JenkoSol Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 So I am in the final stages of choosing between two programs I've been accepted into. Both are great programs (very highly ranked, well established, strong rotational sites, similar cost/COL) and honestly I feel like I couldn't go wrong with either educationally. One program is east coast and is kind of my "perfect fit" school. I felt great vibes from the faculty, liked all general aspects of the program, and loved the area/surroundings. The other program is west coast and where my girlfriend of three years lives. This program also seems wonderful, but maybe not as wonderful as the other program. My question is...do I go to the school that is a better fit (even if marginally so), or go to the school that may preserve my relationship to a greater degree? Will I find living with my girlfriend a distraction and maybe resent not being able to spend too much time with her, or is it better to go to my better fit school and try a LDR? Would living alone be better for my education? I love my girlfriend very much and she wants me to live with her, but I wonder if I'd feel cheated out of the other program. Just to be clear, she 100% supports me either way and knows my dilemma. Any advice welcome! Thanks! Also--the distance between us would require flying/multiple day trips, so I'd likely only be able to see her on breaks and not weekends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator LT_Oneal_PAC Posted February 6, 2019 Moderator Share Posted February 6, 2019 For my wife, even before she was my wife, I would never have done a long distance relationship by choice. We did twice, but it was beyond our control. That’s all the advice I can really give since we all have different values on love, education, career. Perhaps think about where you’ll be after. Is she going to come to you or are you going to Cali after? If you think you’ll move back there then it’s a no brained to me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MT2PA Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 Hypothetical: You may feel like you're in a LDR even if you stay on the West coast. While it may be easier to see your GF when you have free time, you will likely be spending a lot of time in class, studying, study groups, etc. PA school isn't really a 9-5 job where you have nights and weekends free. Will you feel guilty living with her and not being able to spend time with her? Will you feel guilty living across the country and not being able to spend time with her? Honestly there's no right answer here. I saw plenty of relationships fail during PA school and plenty flourish. Some were long distance, some had their SO with them in the same city. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victory1322 Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 I could go through and answer your questions, but those would just be my opinion and perspective since I and others on this forum know nothing about you, your girlfriend or your dynamic as a couple. My suggestion is regardless of your decision, sit down and have a frank discussion about how demanding the next few years will be for you. Whether you live with her or not, you'll need to devote a majority of your time to school and studying with the amount of information you'll be learning at such a rapid pace. To somewhat answer one of your questions, I feel anyone in a relationship wishes they could spend more time with their SO during school, it's how your SO makes you feel about it that would determine resentment. If they're understanding and supportive, it'll be much easier to get through. But if they're on you about not spending enough time with them, resentment may start to build and that's where tension can occur. This can happen if you live on opposite coasts or in the same house, so laying everything out before starting school will help outline both of your experiences for the next few years. Also, to echo Lt. Oneal, I would think more about where you would like to end up following PA school as opposed to the 2-3 years you'll actually be in school. If you think you'll want to practice on the West Coast after graduation, then I'd say go with the West Coast school and vice versa. It's much easier to make contacts through rotations and it would be beneficial to complete rotations in the area you'd like to end up practicing in the future. For what it's worth, I'll be entering into a LDR once I start PA school in May and if I had the choice you do, I would have stayed to be closer to my SO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest thatgirlonabike Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 PA school is a once in a lifetime opportunity. You don't even know if your GF will be there in two years. You don't want to resent her for the rest of your time together because you didn't go to the school you REALLY wanted. There is nothing that would keep me from pursuing my dreams. If it's really the perfect school for you do it because you will never get the chance again. FWIW I'm in a 7+ year relationship and will be moving away for PA school. When I started this process we both knew it would happen. Hopefully, our relationship will survive but if it doesn't then I will still be a PA. I decided a long time ago that no person was going to keep me from fulfilling my dreams. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UGoLong Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 No one right answer. Assuming your relationship survives for two more years, you two will encounter all kinds of challenges that most adult relationships go through. Going away to school is frankly not that big a deal in the larger sense. You’re not going away to a war zone and getting shot at, for example. I also echo the comment about how you’d feel is you stayed for your girlfriend and you end up splitting up anyway. Do what’s right for your career and working through it as a team is a good start. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenkoSol Posted February 7, 2019 Author Share Posted February 7, 2019 2 hours ago, UGoLong said: No one right answer. Assuming your relationship survives for two more years, you two will encounter all kinds of challenges that most adult relationships go through. Going away to school is frankly not that big a deal in the larger sense. You’re not going away to a war zone and getting shot at, for example. I also echo the comment about how you’d feel is you stayed for your girlfriend and you end up splitting up anyway. Do what’s right for your career and working through it as a team is a good start. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk That is sort of how I am thinking about it. Our relationship has had its personal ups and downs, so maybe in a way I think this is a good opportunity to see how we handle difficulties/a test of the bond? Sounds silly, but kind of where my mind is at. I think if I ended up attending the west coast program I might be disappointed, although to be fair, I'd likely work on the west coast if we stayed together in the end anyway. Do you all think it would be ridiculous to move away to the east coast for schooling and then back to the west for a career or potential residency? I know the easy choice is to stay where I'm at with her, I just feel like I haven't really done anything for myself at any point in my schooling or careers up to this point. It suddenly feels very selfish..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenkoSol Posted February 7, 2019 Author Share Posted February 7, 2019 5 hours ago, MT2PA said: Hypothetical: You may feel like you're in a LDR even if you stay on the West coast. While it may be easier to see your GF when you have free time, you will likely be spending a lot of time in class, studying, study groups, etc. PA school isn't really a 9-5 job where you have nights and weekends free. Will you feel guilty living with her and not being able to spend time with her? Will you feel guilty living across the country and not being able to spend time with her? Honestly there's no right answer here. I saw plenty of relationships fail during PA school and plenty flourish. Some were long distance, some had their SO with them in the same city. I almost feel like moving away while in school would be a productive and good educational boundary, as bad as that sounds. I think I would have difficulty prioritizing my time if I was always boarding myself up in the home office night after night to seek time away from my girlfriend, her friends/family, our pets, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nichole96 Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 52 minutes ago, JenkoSol said: That is sort of how I am thinking about it. Our relationship has had its personal ups and downs, so maybe in a way I think this is a good opportunity to see how we handle difficulties/a test of the bond? Sounds silly, but kind of where my mind is at. I think if I ended up attending the west coast program I might be disappointed, although to be fair, I'd likely work on the west coast if we stayed together in the end anyway. 49 minutes ago, JenkoSol said: almost feel like moving away while in school would be a productive and good educational boundary, as bad as that sounds. I think I would have difficulty prioritizing my time if I was always boarding myself up in the home office night after night to seek time away from my girlfriend, her friends/family, our pets, etc. It sounds like you know what your decision needs to be. I'd tell her exactly what you've written here. It might sound harsh but I've had these conversations with my bf of 3+ years so he knows what to expect when I'm in school. Either we'll learn to adapt to the distance (3 hours apart), prioritize each other during grad school, and get married after graduation, or the distance will be too much, we'll break up, and I'll still have attended my dream school and kick-started a career I've been excited about for the past 8 years (way before I met him)! I'm all about sacrificing for someone you love but you also don't want to subconsciously (or conciously!) resent her for being a roadblock to your future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenkoSol Posted February 7, 2019 Author Share Posted February 7, 2019 10 hours ago, nichole96 said: It sounds like you know what your decision needs to be. I'd tell her exactly what you've written here. It might sound harsh but I've had these conversations with my bf of 3+ years so he knows what to expect when I'm in school. Either we'll learn to adapt to the distance (3 hours apart), prioritize each other during grad school, and get married after graduation, or the distance will be too much, we'll break up, and I'll still have attended my dream school and kick-started a career I've been excited about for the past 8 years (way before I met him)! I'm all about sacrificing for someone you love but you also don't want to subconsciously (or conciously!) resent her for being a roadblock to your future. This exactly! This makes me feel a little less guilty/selfish/horrid although I'm sure it's still going to be difficult to explain to her, especially when I know she'd make the opposite decision if roles were reversed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SjohnPA87 Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 Just my two cents because it seems like most are saying choose your "dream school" on the east coast. I am just giving the other side of the argument. Do you love this girl and want to marry her one day? If the answer is yes, then this is a no brainer. Stay on the west coast. This whole mentality that PA school absolutely consumes every aspect of your life is somewhat ridiculous. Yes, PA school is very tough and requires a lot of time and studying, but it is insane to be told that you will basically have to lock yourself away for two and a half years. It seems like you may be looking at your girlfriend as a distraction during PA school. The real distraction is being in a long distance relationship. In my opinion there are far more distractions that come with a long distance relationship. What about the feeling of withdrawal when you may not see her for 3 months at a time. That in its self can be distracting from studying. I am a current student on my second year of school. My experience thus far has been nothing but amazing. Yes it has been the most challenging year of my life but also the most rewarding. I have had moments of being completely overwhelmed and moments of pure bliss when a huge testing week is finally over and my classmates and I go out for celebratory drinks. Trust me you will want to share these moments with your significant other and when those moments come (the good and the bad) you will want her there to support you and to celebrate with you. In summary, about a third of my class is in a long distant relationships and 100% of them would do anything to live in the same city as their significant other. They would have loved to have had your decision. What good is being on the east coast at your "dream school" when your mind will likely be on the west coast. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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