Personal Statement -- Critique Needed

[medic1210]

            Health care is like a complex machine with many moving parts that rely on one another to keep the machine functioning properly. When one part fails, the machine fails. In health care, failure has massive implications on the lives of our patients. It is the responsibility of health care professionals at all levels to understand their role in the “machine”. With the growing need for accessible and affordable medical care due to an aging population and rise of chronic health conditions, physician assistants are in prime position to help alleviate barriers to medical care. It is the PA role in the “machine” that excites me and draws me to the profession.  

 

            Modern health care is having difficulty keeping up with the medical needs of the population. Physician assistants, in collaboration with supervising physicians, are able to provide excellent medical care in many settings to meet these demands. They routinely serve as leaders of health care teams, directing patient care. I witnessed this recently during a mass casualty situation.

 

            In April 2014, a young man at a local high school stabbed multiple students in between classes. Many of the victims were transported to the trauma center where I was working. The number of victims outnumbered the number of available trauma surgeons and emergency physicians. Fortunately, the trauma service had two physician assistants on staff that had received additional training in trauma and surgery. Both physician assistants were given dedicated staff and managed their own patients while the attending physicians were treating their own patients. These two physician assistants led their teams and provided excellent care to the victims, all of whom had a positive outcome. This incident only strengthened my resolve to pursue a career as a physician assistant.

 

            Despite my desire to become a physician assistant, there is an unavoidable issue that needs addressed. To describe my academic career as inconsistent is being generous. Multiple factors led to my poor grades in more than a few classes. The main reasons for my difficulties were a full-time job in emergency medical services and poor study habits. I eventually began doing better after changing jobs and seeking out academic counseling to help develop better study habits. It took time but eventually I saw an improvement in my grades. I learned that studying is a skill that requires the ability to adapt to changing courses and material. Because of my effort to make changes, I can confidently say I am ready for the rigors of the physician assistant curriculum.

 

            The opportunity to become a physician assistant is exciting. I’ve been privileged to treat patients as a paramedic for the better part of a decade and look forward to a long career treating patients as a physician assistant. The future of health care depends on passionate individuals willing to provide excellent care. It is my intention to fill this role given the chance.

 

           

           

 

           

 

 

[medic1210]

Anyone have any thoughts?

[paproof]

Intro needs work; needs to be more interesting.  Could do a better job explaining your academic shortfalls.  It's got potential but needs more work.

[medic1210]

Intro needs work; needs to be more interesting.  Could do a better job explaining your academic shortfalls.  It's got potential but needs more work.

 

Could you elaborate on what you mean by explaining my academic shortfalls? I thought briefly mentioning academic difficulties was the best approach, not a long drawn out explanation. Save that for the interview.

[Guest Jo1208]

I would start with the story about the stabbing.  It's a great story to grab the reader's attention.  

 

Personally, I wouldn't explain your academic shortcomings in your personal statement. I was at an information session for a PA program a few weeks ago and the director of the program told us not to ever bring up your bad grades in your personal statement. She said that since the prompt asks why you want to be a PA, any deviation from answering that question will cause you to lose points on your essay.  If your bad grades aren't the reason for why you want to be a PA, don't bring them up. 

[UGoLong]

I would start either with the stabbing or maybe a very brief intro to you. Tell the stabbing story like Dick Wolf would (the creator of Law and Order), that is, from your perspective. Don't introduce some outside event and then we peer in to find you in it. Instead be a work and it just happens around you and what you see motivates you. Much more compelling.

 

The grades deal is an interesting point. If your grades are really poor (and I don't know that they are) then I wouldn't go into all the reasons why but rather how you turned yourself around after you found your goal.

 

I read these things frequently and your PS is often the thing that grabs the AdCom's attention. I have fought for applicants I believed in after reading their PS and after meeting them. Don't blow the chance. Don't make excuses, but give people a chance to want to get to meet you. The PS is primarily a marketing tool to make them want to do just that.

 

Good luck!