First Draft of Personal Statement-Need Feedback!

[aahmed03]

Hey guys! I would really appreciate it if you could give me some feedback on the first draft of my personal statement for PA school. Thanks!

 

I have always wanted to become Mother Teresa. Ever since I discovered this, I convinced myself that the oddly shaped birthmark on my left cheek was a sign that I was meant to do great things. I made it my aim in life to embody her persona. The noblest aspect of human nature is our yearning to care for others and be loved and I was determined to find a career built on those qualities.

 

My grandmother was diagnosed with cancer five years ago. Chemotherapy days at the clinic became her favorite days. She would dress in her favorite clothes; she was the happiest on those days. I became my grandmother’s primary caretaker at home. I would take her to the clinic biweekly for chemotherapy—sitting beside her for hours listening to stories of her youth.

 

There was an enormous amount of trust between my grandmother and the providers at the clinic. Their care along with the determination they had instilled in her, prolonged her life for four full years even though her cancer had metastasized. We all believed it was a miracle.

In the last year, she lived in our home under hospice care. She died on her birthday. It was the first time I had seen disease conquer medicine. In her last moments, I held her hand and watched as the organs that I had become so in awe of in my study of biology, slowly began to fail before my eyes. It had never occurred to me before that day that there existed something more powerful than medicine. I realized that the most honorable aspect of medicine was not its ability to cure, but its ability to give hope.

 

The images of war are often surreal. It is only by working with wounded soldiers at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center that I finally understand. These men risk their lives in the name of their nation, leaving behind their families; with the clear motive to defend our country. While doing clinical research with the Acute Pain Service Team, I had the privilege of shadowing a few physician assistants who have dedicated their lives to caring for wounded warriors. I realized that healthcare requires the concerted effort of a team of providers in a variety of different specialties in order for it to be effective. Although I had long considered becoming a physician, I realized that I would be able to get the same amount of satisfaction in caring for others, while having more flexibility both at work and in my personal life if I became a physician assistant.

 

In the words of Albert Einstein, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” A bright summer day on June 10, 2011 was nothing short of a miracle. I stood on the side of the Pennsylvania turnpike next to my overturned Nissan Altima, gasping for air and choking behind tears. My car had flipped over on the side of road. The entire front windshield caved inwards and the roof was flattened. I managed to survive the accident with merely a distal finger fracture.

 

I would have died that day without accomplishing my lifelong dream. I want to be known for being a passionate person who made a difference in people’s lives. By utilizing the skills of a physician assistant, I believe that I can improve the quality of life of thousands of people while embodying the qualities of my lifelong hero. In her own words, “Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.”

[jen0508]

"Although I had long considered becoming a physician, I realized that I would be able to get the same amount of satisfaction in caring for others, while having more flexibility both at work and in my personal life if I became a physician assistant. " this is not necessarily true, please see the post "Personal statement writing tips" in the pre-PA forum

 

this is a decent start. i would elaborate more on your position at walter reed. you did not even mention your title or what kind of work you did. healthcare experience is an important part of the PA school application so its always a good idea to devote some of your essay to it...explain what your role in the healthcare team was (what you did), what you learned, and how this will help you succeed in PA school or become a better PA. shadowing is okay, but not really enough.

 

anyways, keep at it. good luck

[aahmed03]

Thank you for the feedback! I will look into that and elaborate on the healthcare experience.