PLEASE PLEASE Read :) Any critique would be greatly appreciated! ROUGH DRAFT

[pre-pajlg]

As we sat around a small, portable DVD player sized television phone, staring at the weak face of my mother on the end, I begged the answer to, “Mommy, when you come home?”. I was four when my mother was diagnosed with leukemia, a disease that took her away from my family for four years, to a Philadelphia hospital, which did not allow visitors under the age of eighteen. Though my younger sister, could never understand what was happening, by the time I was six, I clearly comprehended what my family was dealing with; the hopeful, yet somehow eerie, apprehension that grew stronger and became harder for me to ignore, even as a child. I became hung up on “helping mommy” by sending her homemade paper dolls and clay animals, my age appropriate versions of a cure for cancer. Fortunately, my first encounter with medicine was the best I could have asked for: a cured, healthy mom with whom I can share my life.

 

I’ve known ever since my mother’s cure that I wanted more than anything to be involved in the beautiful miracle of saving lives. For each birthday, I requested science sets, microscopes, old textbooks, and anything scientific I could get my hands on. My father always jokes that I have been studying for my medical professions exams since I was ten, which while comical, is actually the truth. I have study guides on anatomy and physiology from 1997 and medical terminology flash cards from 1999. After all my research and reading, I decided when I was twelve that Pediatric Neurosurgery was the field I wanted to enter. I’m not sure how many other twelve year olds know with such passion what they want to become. I fell in love with the brain and every aspect of it, desiring to know more about it, even information that is unknown. Every step in my life there after has always been preceded by my contemplation on where my next move will place me in terms of my medical future.

 

One of those large steps was my decision to enroll at Bucknell University. My dreams of having a career in the medical field were drawing closer and I was determined to make my way through college as a top student with all the right extracurricular activities. Like a child in a candy store, I could not say “no” to any opportunity I was offered. I started completing research September of my Freshman year, impressing my professors at Bucknell, and haven’t slowed down since. I became the Vice President of a Neuroscience club as a Freshman and tutored other students in my class in Biology, at a professor’s recommendation. I became a role model for my friends and peers in the pre-medical majors. However, I was keeping a secret that would soon ruin my seemingly “perfect” nature.

 

Around halfway through my first semester, I fell into a deep depression, waking up from anxiety attacks every night. I mindlessly refused to ask for help and kept it a secret until my Sophomore year spring when I could no longer handle the emptiness and panic I was experiencing. I finally received the help I needed and came out of the experience a new person. Though my grades suffered because of it, this incident was the most maturing, growing experience I have had thus far.

After I recovered and was mentally healthy again, I realized that medical school was not for me and that what would fit my personality and dreams the best was becoming a Physician Assistant. The entire reason I wanted to go to medical school in the first place was to be a part of improving the lives of my patients. I am familiar enough with myself to recognize that I will be much happier pursuing a career as a PA because the quality of helping others and practicing medicine is still available, but increased patient contact is an added benefit. Because I love interacting with people, I am excited to work with children and their families, both in good times and in bad. All patients come into the hospital looking for answers, and my desire to find their solution is exuberant, which comes across in my passion for the medical field. I look forward to becoming a part of a team that works together to improve health and all feed off of one another’s knowledge to become the best team possible for their patients.

 

Through my experience as a volunteer, researcher, and Certified Nurse Aide, I know that I will be capable of handling the positives and negatives of the Physician Assistant career. The aspect of death and dying I have dealt with during my time as a Hospice volunteer. As I speak with people on the verge of death, even if I am just there to listen, every bone in my body hopes that it eases them. During my undergraduate research, I spent hours with Autistic children, developing patience for children, and even parents, when they are difficult to handle. Lastly, as a CNA, I have finalized the skills and attributes needed as a PA. Though I have only been a CNA for a short time now, I definitely have a new and better understanding of the medical field and even a better understanding of taking care of patients. An older patient I was caring for once told me that I “emanate love through my passion”. This statement means the world to me and is exactly how I want to base my career on as a PA.

 

I know that being a Physician Assistant requires emotional strength and a continuous devotion to serving others, all while presenting an endless challenge to think critically and improve on your abilities. Through experiences I have had, I cannot think of any other profession that will be as rewarding for me as that of a career in the medical profession. Each new patient is a new opportunity to make a difference in another person’s life. I have the passion, love, and ability to thrive through Physician Assistant school and all the endeavors there after.

[jen0508]

THIS IS WAY TOO LONG!!!!! adcom who see this PS are going to think "dammit!". shorten it and repost. keep it around 5000 characters (including spaces)

 

 

take out the mention of your initial desire to go to medical school. that has no place in a personal statement for PA school. especially since your reasoning is bullsh*t "...I will be much happier pursuing a career as a PA because the quality of helping others and practicing medicine is still available, but increased patient contact is an added benefit." PA'S DO NOT HAVE INCREASED PATIENT CONTACT!you will find this out once you start clinicals. most PAs have the same patient load as their supervising physicians (meaning they have the same amount of time to see patients as their SP's)

 

i am not going to comb through this paper for coherence and grammar since there are too many mistakes and it would take me all night to correct everything. I know you said this is a rough draft, so repost this once you have shortened it and corrected all the errors

[muchi]

I agree, this is too long. For example, in your first sentence, you have a huge run-on sentence. "Though my younger sister, could never understand what was happening, by the time I was six, I clearly comprehended what my family was dealing with; the hopeful, yet somehow eerie, apprehension that grew stronger and became harder for me to ignore, even as a child." Try and break this up so its not as long. I do feel that you have a good base tho, you have a lot to say. I agree with the above comment that you should remove your reason for wanting to become a PA (more contact) and dig deeper and find a better reason. You did mention why you want to be in the health field so maybe build on that. Hope i said something useful. Good luck!