PAPac44 Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Hey everyone, I just put together a very rough draft and would love and appreciate it to hear what you think and welcome any advice. I didn't go over my grammar much yet, but I would like to get an idea of what you think of the content within my statement, and if it is strong enough...Thanks in advance! A mixture of character, desire and determination, along with experience is what has paved the path to my career as a Physician Assistant. At an early age I was impacted simply by one word: altruism. The act of sacrificing oneself for the sole purpose of helping another, without expecting anything in return is the basis of which the goals for my future thrive on. The ability and pride I have for helping others in need, along with my experience in the medical field has given me the confidence that I will be a successful Physician Assistant. Being a physical therapy aide for over a year has made me certain that I serve a purpose in life to be a positive impact on the health of others. The gratitude I feel being able to see patients that initially have low hope due to an injury or disease, and being an important factor in the journey to better health and overall quality of life is unmatchable. Over the year I have been witness to patients who have received multiple types of surgery ranging from total knee replacements and hip replacements, to reconstructive shoulder surgery. Because of these surgeries, the patient is able to eventually become pain free and healthy, allowing more mobility and an overall increase in the quality of life. It has been a true privilege to be able to directly work with such patients, and be witness to their rehabilitation from weeks to months during their recovery. Not only do I want to continue to be such a part of the healing process in the future, but I would love to be able to provide and assist in such surgeries. Throughout my years as an undergraduate in college, I have faced many diversities that had impacted my studies. Being a part of a Division I Ice Hockey team, working 25 hours a week and taking on challenging courses as a young adult resulted in a hindrance of my true potential. It was not until years later where I found my path in life to become a PA, that I had matured to be able to balance my time more efficiently and prioritize what was important to me in life. There is no doubt that had I developed such maturity earlier, my grades would have been great early on. The upward trend in my grades, earning a 3.76 cumulative GPA, and 3.65 science GPA in my last 62 credits, while continuing my studies post-baccalaureate, is evidence of my determination, commitment and true potential. Although it may have negatively affected my grades, being a part of the ice hockey team built my character tremendously in many aspects including being a good team player, a positive quality for anyone in life, that will undoubtably contribute to my future success as a Physician Assistant. Having been on the correct path these past few years, my studies, along with my experiences are the vehicle for my future success. Continually challenging myself with upper level science courses, as well as medical terminology, has strengthened my overall knowledge. My experience volunteering with Habitat for Humanity, along with obtaining my certification as a VIBS Emergency Room Companion has provided me with a deeper understanding for people who may be less fortunate. Furthermore, my experience shadowing a Family Care PA, earning my EMT certification, and the opportunity to observe a wide range of different health care providers in the Emergency Room at Stony Brook Hospital has given me confidence, along with the tools I feel will be essential to my success. During my clinical rotation in the ER, I was part of a team of providers to care for a elderly man in cardiac arrest by performing compressions. The opportunity to provide hands on care in such a situation was absolutely life changing. Furthermore, during my time shadowing a PA, it was amazing to experience the different situations a PA will encounter, as well as learning priceless information not only about patients and illnesses, but the role of a PA. I am a firm believer that everyone has a purpose to fulfill in life in which our experiences and knowledge lead us to. For me, my determination to always be the best I can be, my love for the medical field and my desire to help others is why I am certain a career as a PA is perfect for me. As a PA, I will have the privilege to have a direct positive impact on the lives of many each and every day, allowing patients to be confident they are receiving the best care possible. *****Thanks again everyone, I know it needs a ton of work but I needed to get something down on paper and work from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PAPac44 Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 Hey everyone, I just put together a very rough draft and would love and appreciate it to hear what you think and welcome any advice. I didn't go over my grammar much yet, but I would like to get an idea of what you think of the content within my statement, and if it is strong enough...Thanks in advance! A mixture of character, desire and determination, along with experience is what has paved the path to my career as a Physician Assistant. At an early age I was impacted simply by one word: altruism. The act of sacrificing oneself for the sole purpose of helping another, without expecting anything in return is the basis of which the goals for my future thrive on. The ability and pride I have for helping others in need, along with my experience in the medical field has given me the confidence that I will be a successful Physician Assistant. Being a physical therapy aide for over a year has made me certain that I serve a purpose in life to be a positive impact on the health of others. The gratitude I feel being able to see patients that initially have low hope due to an injury or disease, and being an important factor in the journey to better health and overall quality of life is unmatchable. Over the year I have been witness to patients who have received multiple types of surgery ranging from total knee replacements and hip replacements, to reconstructive shoulder surgery. Because of these surgeries, the patient is able to eventually become pain free and healthy, allowing more mobility and an overall increase in the quality of life. It has been a true privilege to be able to directly work with such patients, and be witness to their rehabilitation from weeks to months during their recovery. Not only do I want to continue to be such a part of the healing process in the future, but I would love to be able to provide and assist in such surgeries. Throughout my years as an undergraduate in college, I have faced many diversities that had impacted my studies. Being a part of a Division I Ice Hockey team, working 25 hours a week and taking on challenging courses as a young adult resulted in a hindrance of my true potential. It was not until years later where I found my path in life to become a PA, that I had matured to be able to balance my time more efficiently and prioritize what was important to me in life. There is no doubt that had I developed such maturity earlier, my grades would have been great early on. The upward trend in my grades, earning a 3.76 cumulative GPA, and 3.65 science GPA in my last 62 credits, while continuing my studies post-baccalaureate, is evidence of my determination, commitment and true potential. Although it may have negatively affected my grades, being a part of the ice hockey team built my character tremendously in many aspects including being a good team player, a positive quality for anyone in life, that will undoubtably contribute to my future success as a Physician Assistant. Having been on the correct path these past few years, my studies, along with my experiences are the vehicle for my future success. Continually challenging myself with upper level science courses, as well as medical terminology, has strengthened my overall knowledge. My experience volunteering with Habitat for Humanity, along with obtaining my certification as a VIBS Emergency Room Companion has provided me with a deeper understanding for people who may be less fortunate. Furthermore, my experience shadowing a Family Care PA, earning my EMT certification, and the opportunity to observe a wide range of different health care providers in the Emergency Room at Stony Brook Hospital has given me confidence, along with the tools I feel will be essential to my success. During my clinical rotation in the ER, I was part of a team of providers to care for a elderly man in cardiac arrest by performing compressions. The opportunity to provide hands on care in such a situation was absolutely life changing. Furthermore, during my time shadowing a PA, it was amazing to experience the different situations a PA will encounter, as well as learning priceless information not only about patients and illnesses, but the role of a PA. I am a firm believer that everyone has a purpose to fulfill in life in which our experiences and knowledge lead us to. For me, my determination to always be the best I can be, my love for the medical field and my desire to help others is why I am certain a career as a PA is perfect for me. As a PA, I will have the privilege to have a direct positive impact on the lives of many each and every day, allowing patients to be confident they are receiving the best care possible. *****Thanks again everyone, I know it needs a ton of work but I needed to get something down on paper and work from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkels Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 You open with pounding the idea of altruism being you main motivation. That is wonderful, but your history of altruism is summed up in one sentence in your personal statement and it only says that you volunteered. The fact that you volunteered can be found in your application. For somebody who is putting so much emphasis on altruism, you should spend more time talking about those experiences and how they influenced you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkels Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 You open with pounding the idea of altruism being you main motivation. That is wonderful, but your history of altruism is summed up in one sentence in your personal statement and it only says that you volunteered. The fact that you volunteered can be found in your application. For somebody who is putting so much emphasis on altruism, you should spend more time talking about those experiences and how they influenced you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2full2eat Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I actually really liked it. Its been a little while since I read a PS "draft" that I felt like reading all the way through. Maybe I am bias because I live on long island and know of SB hospital very well, and also been a physical therapy aide for most of my HCE. If you don't mind my asking, what outpatient clinic do you work for? Where do you live? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2full2eat Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I actually really liked it. Its been a little while since I read a PS "draft" that I felt like reading all the way through. Maybe I am bias because I live on long island and know of SB hospital very well, and also been a physical therapy aide for most of my HCE. If you don't mind my asking, what outpatient clinic do you work for? Where do you live? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PAPac44 Posted June 29, 2012 Author Share Posted June 29, 2012 sorry i havent been able to get on the forum in a while...I work for Body in balance and i live in the ronkonkoma area...can anyone else also help critique? Thanks for the help everyone!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PAPac44 Posted July 4, 2012 Author Share Posted July 4, 2012 Revised it a bit if anyone would like to provide advice...thank you all! A mixture of character, desire and determination, along with life experiences are essential assets that have paved the path to my career as a Physician Assistant. At an early age I was impacted simply by one word: altruism. The act of sacrificing oneself for the sole purpose of helping another, without expecting anything in return is the basis of which the goals for my future thrive on. At an early age I began helping others whether it be contributing to a charity to help a family in need, or by taking any opportunity in everyday life to help someone no matter how small the deed may be. Over the years, the ability and pride I have aquired by helping others in need, along with my experience in the medical field has given me undoubtable confidence to persue a future as a Physician Assistant. Being a physical therapy aide for over a year has made me certain that I serve a purpose in life to be a positive impact on the health of others. The gratitude I aquire when i see patients that initially have low hope due to an injury or disease, and being an important factor in the journey to better health and overall quality of life for them is unmatchable. Over the year I have been witness to patients who have received multiple types of surgery ranging from total knee replacements and hip replacements, to reconstructive shoulder surgery. Because of these surgeries, the patient is able to eventually become pain free and healthy, allowing more mobility and an overall increase in the quality of life. It has been a true privilege to be able to directly work with such patients, and be witness to their rehabilitation from weeks to months during their recovery. Not only do I want to continue to be such a part of the healing process in the future, but I would love to be on the other end, providing and assisting in surgeries. Throughout my years as an undergraduate in college, I have faced many adversities that had impacted my studies. Being a part of a Division I Ice Hockey team, working 25 hours a week and taking on challenging courses as a young adult resulted in a hindrance of my true potential. It was not until years later where I found my path in life to become a PA, that I had matured to be able to balance my time more efficiently and prioritize what was important to me in life. There is no doubt that had I developed such maturity earlier, my grades would have been great early on. The upward trend in my grades, earning a 3.76 cumulative GPA, and 3.65 science GPA in my last 62 credits, while continuing my studies post-baccalaureate earning a 4.0, is evidence of my determination, commitment and true potential. Although it may have negatively affected my grades, being a part of the ice hockey team built my character tremendously in many aspects including being a good team player, a positive quality for anyone in life, that will undoubtably contribute to my future success as a Physician Assistant. It had also made me a person that is motivated to always become better, which will be a beneficial factor in my success throughout my life. Having been on the correct path these past few years, my studies, along with my experiences are the vehicle for my future success. Continually challenging myself with upper level science courses, as well as medical terminology, has strengthened my overall knowledge. My experience volunteering with Habitat for Humanity, along with obtaining my certification as a VIBS Emergency Room Companion has provided me with a deeper understanding for people who may be less fortunate. Furthermore, shadowing a Family Care PA, earning my EMT certification, and the opportunity to observe a wide range of different health care providers in the Emergency Room at Stony Brook Hospital has given me confidence, along with the tools I feel will be essential to my success. During my clinical rotation in the ER, I was part of a team of providers to care for a elderly man in cardiac arrest by performing compressions. The opportunity to provide hands on care in such a situation was absolutely life changing. Furthermore, during my time shadowing a PA, it was amazing to experience the different situations a PA will encounter, as well as learning priceless information not only about patients and illnesses, but the role of a PA. I am a firm believer that everyone has a purpose to fulfill in life in which our experiences and knowledge lead us to. For me, my determination to always be the best I can be, my love for the medical field and my desire to help others is why I am certain a career as a PA is perfect for me. As a PA, I will have the privilege to have a direct positive impact on the lives of many each and every day, allowing patients to be confident they are receiving the best care possible. To have a positive affect in the lives of others is what I consider true happiness and success. The skills and knowledge I will aquire while becoming a PA will allow me to succeed and give me the opportunity to live the life I dream of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PAPac44 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 I had a old teacher help me out in editing my personal statement and he suggested I provide more direct clarity by trimming some of the fat in words/phrases that aren't needed. What do you think?? Character, desire, determination, and life experience are the bricks that have paved my path to a career as a Physician Assistant. At an early age I learned about altruism. It was only a matter of time since then that I began helping others, whether by contributing to a charity, or by assisting others hands-on, no matter how small the deed. My pride in helping others, along with my experience in the medical field, have given me the confidence to become a Physician Assistant. A physical therapy aide for over a year, I had a positive impact on the health of others. I feel intense gratitude when I meet a patient with low hope because of an injury or disease, and help that patient journey to better health and overall quality of life. I have worked with patients who have had total knee and hip replacements and reconstructive shoulder surgery, and helped them to become pain free and mobile. It has been a privilege to work with such patients, and witness their rehabilitation. I want to continue to be part of the healing process but I would love to help patients from the start, by assisting in surgeries. As an undergraduate, I struggled to keep up my studies while part of a Division I Ice Hockey team, and working 25 hours a week. Now I have matured and can balance my time more efficiently and prioritize what is important. The upward trend in my grades, earning a 3.76 cumulative GPA, and 3.65 science GPA in my last 62 credits, with a 4.0 GPA in post-baccalaureate studies, gives evidence of my determination, commitment and true potential. Challenging myself with upper level science courses, as well as medical terminology, has strengthened my overall knowledge. At the same time, playing on the ice hockey team built my character and made me a team player. My experience volunteering with Habitat for Humanity, along with obtaining my certification as a VIBS Emergency Room Companion has provided me with a deeper understanding for people with physical and emotional needs. Shadowing a Family Care PA allowed me to experience the different situations a PA will encounter, as well as learning about patients and illnesses. Earning my EMT certification, and observing in the Emergency Room at Stony Brook Hospital have given me confidence, along with knowledge essential to my success. During my clinical rotation in the ER, I was part of a team performing compressions on an elderly man in cardiac arrest. This experience was life changing. My determination to be the best I can be, my love for the medical field and my desire to help others is why I am certain a career as a PA is perfect for me. As a PA, I will have a direct impact on the lives of patients, providing the best care possible. For me, this would mean true happiness and success. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apreski Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 PAPac44, nicely done! I enjoyed reading it. Grammar is exceptional. I think it's always nice to throw in how you want to help the "underserved" community/patients. Not sure where you are applying to, but many PA schools are looking for PAs possibly willing to work in rural areas and/or primary care (regardless, i think it's great that you want to be a surgical PA). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PAPac44 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 Thank you so much for taking the time to read it!! I appreciate the advice. I was wondering if you like the one i originally wrote, or the one I edited to condense it quite a bit? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apreski Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 The latest personal statement is the best. It's to the point and easy to read. It never hurts to get more opinions. Let you parents, gf, bf, etc read both :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TThielen Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 I was going to say the first draft you posted, to me, was like a resume in paragraph form. The last draft you posted sounds much better, Apreski is right, it's short and to the point. I read way to many PS that are lengthy and full of extra detailed words that don't belong. The Adcoms have hundreds of these to read and I am sure gets boring. The only thing grammar wise that I noticed is that physician assistant shouldn't be capitalized, because there is no name to go with it, just like how you didn't capitalize physical therapy aide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PAPac44 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 Thank you so much everyone...I am feeling more confident in my personal statement but I feel like I just need to keep tweaking it because im so nervous, I think subconsciously Im so nervous on actually submitting my CASPA. I really appreciate all the feedback though, thank you again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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