dbreezy01 Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 Quote This should be my final draft. Thank you in advance! Personal Statement???.docx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sb123 Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 I didn’t read the entire thing but just your intro is too listy. You makes about 3 lists of qualities within 3 sentences in just one paragraph so I think you should change up the wording a bit there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbreezy01 Posted April 24, 2019 Author Share Posted April 24, 2019 Thank you ! @Sb123 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajones Posted May 1, 2019 Share Posted May 1, 2019 I agree it is too listy. Also, if you abbreviate PA then I would probably stick to using PA. Also, "my experiences...has shown me", I think it should be "have shown me". I think I like the idea of the basketball game woven in there, and I know someone who was successful in doing that, but it can be a little distracting. I also think you add words such as leadership, multi-task and communicate but you just list them instead of paint a picture of HOW you embodied those words. You definitely have the heart and know a lot about the profession, and it is a good essay, but I think it could be a little less list like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbreezy01 Posted May 1, 2019 Author Share Posted May 1, 2019 Thank you so much @aubriejones Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patricia5827 Posted May 9, 2019 Share Posted May 9, 2019 I agree, too listy. Take out everything that describes your duties since those will be in your resume and explain how those duties will make you a great student 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbreezy01 Posted May 10, 2019 Author Share Posted May 10, 2019 Thank you !! @Patricia5827 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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