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Possible Final Draft before Cycle Opens!! Need as many reviews as possible please!


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I agree it is too listy. Also, if you abbreviate PA then I would probably stick to using PA. Also, "my experiences...has shown me", I think it should be "have shown me". I think I like the idea of the basketball game woven in there, and I know someone who was successful in doing that, but it can be a little distracting. I also think you add words such as leadership, multi-task and communicate but you just list them instead of paint a picture of HOW you embodied those words. You definitely have the heart and know a lot about the profession, and it is a good essay, but I think it could be a little less list like.

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