Final draft of personal statement - opinion appreciated

[tripleb]

Hello,

This is the final draft of my personal statement before I put it into CASPA. I would appreciate any feedback or opinions. 

Thank you,

Brianna

The rain had just subsided when the ambulance finally arrived at the Santa Anita Race Track. The mere minutes must have seemed like hours to the man who was in severe pain after slipping on the wet tile ramp and landing directly on his right shoulder. A security officer witnessed the fall and called over the radio for an EMT to respond to his location. I arrived within seconds and immediately initiated my assessment of his condition. The severity of the man’s pain prevented him from moving himself, therefore I instructed the officer to call for an ambulance since the man needed treatment at a hospital. My partner then arrived on scene and prepared a backboard. When the paramedics arrived, I was prepared to give them a full report of the man’s condition. My partner and I worked with the paramedics to carefully move our patient onto the backboard, off the ground, and into the ambulance. While I enjoy doing my part in efficiently transporting people to facilities where they can receive proper care, my ability to provide care is limited by my scope of practice as an EMT. My experiences have instilled in me the desire to pursue a career that provides medical intervention in a more effective manner.

Caring for others has always brought me joy, even as a child. I especially enjoyed caring for my pets and wanted to become a veterinarian. This goal persisted until my senior year of high school when I joined a team to go on a short-term mission trip to the Dominican Republic. During this remarkable trip, I played games with impoverished children in dirt streets, encouraged young women in a jail, and shared my story with teenagers in a church youth group. The smiles of all those I encountered showed me the impact that I could have by simply showing someone that I care. Unfortunately, those transient smiles did not change the fact that these youth live without regular access to necessities such as sanitation and healthcare. The ultimate impact of this trip was to inspire me to reassess my career goal. Rather than caring for animals as a veterinarian, I decided to focus my efforts on entering the field of healthcare to provide care to those who would otherwise not have access.

As an undergraduate, I knew little about the array of professions involved in the medical field, particularly the role of physician assistants. My eagerness to help people and my interest in human biology led me to follow the pre-medical school path. After graduation, I began working as an EMT and caring for people living with debilitating medical conditions. Every day, I patiently listen to and comfort patients who live with chronic pain and can no longer live fulfilling lives. The compassion that I have for these individuals has driven me to pursue a career where I can prevent these conditions from developing by reaching out to those in underserved communities. The more I learned about a career as a medical doctor versus a PA, the more I felt that becoming a PA would allow me to provide more people with health education and care.

The experience that cemented my desire to become a PA was shadowing in an emergency room. I kept pace as Kayla tended to people with conditions ranging from lacerations to pregnancy complications to nausea. I admired how she worked independently, treating and diagnosing each of her patients, yet also collaborating with the doctor to analyze test results or receive a second opinion. I also had the pleasure of shadowing Michael, another emergency room PA, who had worked with doctors in several different specialties throughout his 23 years of practice. From this ER exposure, I learned about the versatility of PAs and their potential to make a significant difference in the lives of patients.  Knowing that I will be able to continually improve my skills and expand my knowledge in order to provide the best possible care only increased my desire to be a PA.

Every day in my work as an EMT, I dedicate myself to understanding my patients’ conditions and caring for them during transport. I also strive to increase my knowledge and better prepare myself for a career in medicine by eagerly reading articles from medical journals. I am confident that I have the academic ability, physical stamina, and perseverance to perform well both in PA school and eventually as a qualified and competent PA. While disappointed that I did not receive an offer of admission in 2017, I saw an opportunity to gain further experience, take additional courses, learn more about the PA profession, and volunteer in my community. I eagerly look forward to when my medical knowledge and role are no longer limited to basic life support interventions as an EMT, but enable me to provide effective treatment and education to those struggling with health issues.

[paproof]

Ultimately I think this is a pretty good essay.  There are a few areas I'd consider cleaning up.  I like the progression about your journey to find which career suited you best.  I think it'd be helpful to talk about where you first learned about the PA profession and what made you so interested in the first place rather than just jumping right into comparing MD vs PA.  It might help smooth the flow somewhat.  But you've got the right idea overall!

[ajames]

Hey, hope you haven't submitted it. I can take a look at it, pm me your email.