Jump to content

PA Student, Father, and Husband going to PA school NEED Advice Please


Recommended Posts

My wife and I have been together for over six years, two and a half of which married. We recently welcomed our first child earlier this year. I was accepted to start in Physician Assistant school in January. Although I am super excited, I am sad to think that I will miss quite a few of my son's first childhood moments. My wife and I understand that this is for the better of our family. She is completely on board and supportive. She works as an RN supervisor during the week nights. I will be living by myself during school about 170 miles away. We are planning on me driving home every weekend that I can. I would like advice to those that have successfully managed PA school while being married and having children. I love my wife with all my heart and I want to reduce the risk of any problems developing during the program. Any thoughts from people in my shoes? How did you do it?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

38 yo male presents to PA school with the 3 children, ages 6 (twins) and 8 years old. Married x 11 years to a supportive spouse. Currently attends school 135 miles from primary residence, commutes home on weekends as tolerated. Spouse is full time working mother with three kids, all of whom attend public school. Babysitting arrangements include after school care and for the occasional date night on the weekends. He lives during the week with one other student.

 

In other words...yeah...there are dads out here doing the same thing. I think my current success is soley based on the fact that my wife and kids are supportive. They all miss me, I of course miss them. The amount of work I have to do is fairly extensive and am not sure I could balance doing family time, personal time, and school work with the same ratio if I went home every day to them. My current stress level is low, my grades are high. My wife and kids are busy during the week so time is flying by.

 

I am going to get flamed for this...the first couple of years of my child's life were a blur and I can't remember much about it. Sure there are benchmarks but in the big scope of things, the child isn't going to remember you being there or not. Even the first two or three holiday seasons the child just sort of wanders around a bit then occupies themselves playing with the wrapping paper. Get through school now, get a solid job, a comfortable income, provide a level of financial security for your family so when your child does get older, you can afford much more substantial events that your child will truly take with them into their later years.

 

I work hard during the week to ensure my weekends are pretty free. I don't drive home only to lock myself in the office. When I am home, I am there for them. My wife and I think that helps the kids not resent me being at school "all the time".

Link to comment
Share on other sites

29 yo F with no children (thank goodness) presents to PA school 700+ miles away from home. Husband of 2 years left behind. We just "celebrated" our 4 year anniversary two months ago.

 

It's no cakewalk but it can be done. We do what we can to stay connected: Skype, email, texts, etc. I go home as often as I can. Unfortunately, due to clinical rotations I am not able to travel much at all right now. That's OK; time is winding down and it will all be over very soon.

 

I can't speak on having children because I have none, but I trust you took all this into account when you began applying for school. Just do the best you can to stay connected. Communicate as honestly as you can. Visit when you can. Don't forget why you are at school. I wish you well!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My wife moved with me for school and when we moved it was just us, but we now have a son who arrived in May. Although we do live together I am required to be away for rotations. It's manageable. We Skype/Facetime when we have a minute, she takes lots of pictures for me and e-mails them, and when I'm away I travel home on the weekends that I can. It is interesting being away during the week. My wife pointed out that I notice things more than she does now, for instance, I noticed that he has become much more active in rolling around and starting to scoot/crawl and to her he had just been doing it, so it's been interesting.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Administrator

I was only about 120 miles away from my school, but brought my whole family with. Wife took a 30% pay cut, but that was just a part time job anyways. We were financially secure enough that we could afford to do this, based on living below our means for the 13 years prior to PA school. Consider whether you really want to be away from your spouse and child(ren) every weekday. It's been expensive to move, and then again looking at moving back, but it was the right thing to do for us.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Luckily I attend school in my city of residence. Wife has a good job and we have a 3 y.o. and now a 2 month old. Even being here it's hard because of the time I have to hole up and study instead of playing with my family. Try to make use of technology to bridge the gap. Videoconferencing is the next best thing to actually being there (Skype, FaceTime), and you could even make it a bedtime routine for the kids if you want. I think the important thing is to make sure they don't forget you while you're gone. Although they'll grow out of it in time, it can't feel good to come home and have your kids cry because they don't know who you are.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I graduated a couple of months ago. My second child was born 5 weeks before I had to began the "on-campus" portion of didactic year, so I missed her first 6 weeks of life. I missed countless milestones with her and regretted each one. My oldest was 3 when I started school, so I missed a few of her big days as well - the most recent being her first day of school. My wife and children did move with me to the primary campus where I did didactic year and we were able to stick together for all but a few weeks of clinical year, so I had it good. I had to establish the working boundaries before didactic year entered full swing - to school at 0830, home by 1630. Family time from 1630 to 2000, and then I studied until 0100 or 0200. Sunday was all family time. We stuck to this pretty rigorously and it worked well - I got great grades and a good job out of the deal.

 

My wife didn't work during school, so the kids had the benefit of that, but we're paying a price for that now as we have a ton of loans (TON). I firmly believe that the trade off was worth it. Each of us has to do what's right for our situations - so you need to discuss it/work it out with your spouse. My wife and I celebrated 3 anniversaries in PA school and are coming up on #8, so there you have our situation. I know that your situation has been done by many PA students, and successfully, so I'm sure you'll make it work, whatever you end up deciding on.

 

Andrew

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

I am married but have no children yet. I'm 3/4 finished with didactic and have commuted "home" 150 miles every weekend. My suggestion is to try to make use of the time in the car. I have a voice recorder that I make audio flashcards on to listen to and quiz myself while driving. There are people in my class with kids, others married, etc, etc. There are people in all sorts of circumstances. It won't always be fun - but you can do it if you want it bad enough. The 2 years and change will be over before you know it. Best of luck!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Married for 7 years, one son, living 350 miles from my family to attend school. Yes it is tough, but it will work out in the end. We facetime all the time, phone calls. My wife visits me about every three weeks for a week at a time, I come home on some weekend if my schedule allows it as well. My military background has also helped with this issue as well, living apart has been a big part of our lives before PA school. So its only two more years. It can be be done and it will be trying at times as well.

 

One last comment about problems that may develop. You must inform them that you will be studying with the opposite sex as well while in school. That was sorta of an issue at first, but understandable, when her husband is 350 miles away and studying with other women. So that was the only issue that happened in my case. But it all worked out.

 

Good luck. You can make it, plus you got an advantage already, she is in the healthcare field already. You will be fine, just do it and get it over with.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When I start school I will be 700 miles away from kids ages 8 and 10. I have been married 20 years. Kids are super involved in sports. Husband owns his own business and super busy with that plus coaches our kids hockeyteam is on the city hockey board and runs his own hockey camps in the summer. I have arranged for a friend to make some suppers and do some of the transportation to practices with them. I plan to skype and facetime daily, maybe 2-3 times/day. Each kid will have a cell phone to call me at any time. I will attempt to drive home or to the city where their games are every other weekend. I plan to do the audio thing as mentioned above, listen to recorded lectures and have flashcards in the car. I can sound really strong here but please know I big softie. This will be difficult but worth it. Its 17 months. People on this forum have done it and told me I can do it too. After its done, you can look back and reflect upon that time, what you learned mostly about yourself, and share that with your kids. I am working 3 jobs right now to cash flow the entire tuition. I have already been offered work when I am done. Never ever give up. Keep the big picture in mind. I have failed acceptance x 2. I won't this next time. Perseverence, determination, not taking no for an answer. You can do it!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi momed. We appreciate that you have a tough decision ahead of you. I've seen it go both ways in just my PA cohort.

 

My first child was born during my first semester of PA school, and it really strengthened the bond between my wife and I, who was infinitely supportive. We moved cross-country together for my education, and I could not imagine not being with them for 2 years.

 

I had a classmate in the same situation as me, but his family remained in their home state. Even though he commuted a lot to see them, he had a really tough time and got depressed about the whole situation. He ended up taking personal leave of absence from school, but has since graduated successfully.

 

We also had couples divorce during PA school, from spouses who were with them, or left at home. I guess everyone's situation is special, so I would say use your best judgement, go with your gut feelings, and don't be hesitant to put off PA school to spend time with your wife and new child. See if the program will save a spot for you in the next year or two. Any moments you miss are gone forever, and I for one was overjoyed to be a part of the whole infancy (well, except for not getting sleep... DEFINITELY don't miss that! :)

 

Good luck!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

I'm a 39yo mommy of two--boys ages 8 and newly 5 (ie-not in K yet). I just finished didactic year, and this week finish a three week crash course in hands on skills before they let us loose to play PA for the next 12 months.

 

Since Jan 10 of last year (so with breaks, about 49 weeks) I've been commuting ~1.75-2 HOURS EACH WAY DAILY. It's about 105 one way for me, but for one year it was hardly worth trying to sell a home and uproot my kids. So instead I spent 4h a day in the car and about 750-800 a month in gas on average.

 

During the first 10 months my husby was job hunting after taking 8 yrs off from teaching to be Mr Mom while I'd been a drug rep. We spent down almost all my saved tuition money so now we are poor and in school loan debt (eventually he got a job as a CPS case manager...hardly what his M.Ed. was for but we have health insurance again so yay for making 30k with a masters degree).

 

I couch surfed with classmates 15 years younger than me before huge tests and this month I unloaded 1100 bucks to live on a hotel for the three weeks of clinical hell-on-stretchers (which, frankly, has rocked my world as I've intubated, run two codes, delivered a baby, started 4 IV lines, learned three surgical knots, six suture techniques, sterile scrub in/gloving/gowning, can ID ~40 surgical tools on the spot, cathed male and female, passed ACLS and PALS, and tomorrow I learn casting and splinting and central line insertion and chest tube insertion.

 

Oh, and today I got 155 on my PACKRAT which was the class high score. So, YES!! You can do it. I listened to podcasts from med school grand rounds and followed the USMLE 2 series on YouTube that fit whatever topic we were on in lecture, watched extra video on YouTube re: anatomy (our guy was iffy and green), read extra by getting audiobooks, etc to make the most of the 4 hrs. I did opposite of many others above. When I walked in the door it was MOMMY. I only studied after everyone was asleep and weekends ( even then mostly nights). I sleep about 4h a night but I am so happy with my career change that it keeps me energized.

 

My only issue is with a whiny 24 yr old who has about 7-8 extra hours in their day EVERY DAY, and complains about the workload or being sooooo busy or whatever. I want to smack them and give them a bottle and fresh diaper. (no offense meant to any 24yr old PA-S here who is a normal grown up)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm a 39yo mommy of two--boys ages 8 and newly 5 (ie-not in K yet). I just finished didactic year, and this week finish a three week crash course in hands on skills before they let us loose to play PA for the next 12 months.

 

Since Jan 10 of last year (so with breaks, about 49 weeks) I've been commuting ~1.75-2 HOURS EACH WAY DAILY. It's about 105 one way for me, but for one year it was hardly worth trying to sell a home and uproot my kids. So instead I spent 4h a day in the car and about 750-800 a month in gas on average.

 

During the first 10 months my husby was job hunting after taking 8 yrs off from teaching to be Mr Mom while I'd been a drug rep. We spent down almost all my saved tuition money so now we are poor and in school loan debt (eventually he got a job as a CPS case manager...hardly what his M.Ed. was for but we have health insurance again so yay for making 30k with a masters degree).

 

I couch surfed with classmates 15 years younger than me before huge tests and this month I unloaded 1100 bucks to live on a hotel for the three weeks of clinical hell-on-stretchers (which, frankly, has rocked my world as I've intubated, run two codes, delivered a baby, started 4 IV lines, learned three surgical knots, six suture techniques, sterile scrub in/gloving/gowning, can ID ~40 surgical tools on the spot, cathed male and female, passed ACLS and PALS, and tomorrow I learn casting and splinting and central line insertion and chest tube insertion.

 

Oh, and today I got 155 on my PACKRAT which was the class high score. So, YES!! You can do it. I listened to podcasts from med school grand rounds and followed the USMLE 2 series on YouTube that fit whatever topic we were on in lecture, watched extra video on YouTube re: anatomy (our guy was iffy and green), read extra by getting audiobooks, etc to make the most of the 4 hrs. I did opposite of many others above. When I walked in the door it was MOMMY. I only studied after everyone was asleep and weekends ( even then mostly nights). I sleep about 4h a night but I am so happy with my career change that it keeps me energized.

 

My only issue is with a whiny 24 yr old who has about 7-8 extra hours in their day EVERY DAY, and complains about the workload or being sooooo busy or whatever. I want to smack them and give them a bottle and fresh diaper. (no offense meant to any 24yr old PA-S here who is a normal grown up)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

cqb pa- I am so glad to hear your story. I haven't been accepted yet, but both schools I am interviewing at are about a 1 1/2 hour commute each way. It doesn't make sense financially for us to move. I will be 34 and my kids will be 4 and 6, and I really want to be home most nights of the week. I know I will stay overnight some, but it is very encouraging to hear your story.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

cqb pa- I am so glad to hear your story. I haven't been accepted yet, but both schools I am interviewing at are about a 1 1/2 hour commute each way. It doesn't make sense financially for us to move. I will be 34 and my kids will be 4 and 6, and I really want to be home most nights of the week. I know I will stay overnight some, but it is very encouraging to hear your story.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

I'm am happy to hear so many success stories of parents that have made PA school work. I am a 30 y o female about to move my husband and 1 yr old son across the country for PA school in May. I know I have support from our families and my husband is completely invested in this too, but I still get a little scared at times. I love school and am excited for my career change, but I have also been the primary care giver for my son which my husband will take over, and I like my sleep!

I think for us it will be a wonderful adventure, we get to live someplace new for 2 years and I will come up of it with so many more opportunities. I know it will be challenging and overwhelming, so hopefully when times get tough I can be reminded that so many have done this before me and been very successful at it.

Good luck to all of the parents entering PA school!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Welcome to the Physician Assistant Forum! This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. Learn More