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First draft, am I on the right track??

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This is my first draft for my personal statement, and it wasn't easy for me to get this far.  Any feedback is welcome.  Is it too short? I don't have a ton of experience in the medical field so I'm trying to convey what I do know and what would be beneficial to being a Physician Assistant.    Thank you in advance!




For so long, I ignored the idea that I could be successful in the medical profession.  For the past ten years I worked fulltime in a management position with a Franchisee of Panera Bread.  I worked throughout college while earning my bachelors degree for interpersonal communication. After graduating, I was successful in my position as a Director of Training for Panera Bread.  Through these years I spent committed to Panera, the part I loved the most about the experience was working with the numerous managers and their people to reach their goals operationally, and build a family within.


Although I learned a lot about work ethic and leadership with my time at Panera Bread I always felt that I was capable of accomplishing a lot more and contributing more to society.  I think this was something I’ve always wanted, but didn’t have the confidence to do.  Growing up, I watched my mother as a neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) nurse.  We would visit her often at the hospital, and get a chance to see the premature babies that she cared for.  More times than I could count, parents would tell me how wonderful my mom was to them and they wouldn’t have been able to get through this time without her.   She was able to touch so many lives by not only caring for their health but also connecting to them on an emotional level.  She made a difference in their lives that they will always remember.  She was an inspiration in that regard, and that is what I aspire to accomplish by becoming a physician assistant  (PA).


Becoming a PA will allow me to make a difference by doing something I already know I’m great at - helping people in a time of need.  I have always been great at helping when someone is injured or hurting.  It is a natural instinct for me to come to the rescue of others and do everything in my power to make them better.  For example, during one of my shifts, a shift supervisor, Alexis, burned her forearm very badly on the rack oven door while putting in bagels.  She was in so much pain and frightened by the shock of it.  I quickly rushed to her and ran cold water over her arm, while talking to her to keep her calm and even managing to make her laugh.  Once the pain calmed down, I applied burn spray and bandaged her up.  This experience, and others like it, felt natural and made me consider changing career paths.


I want to become a PA to know how to properly take care of others that I already have the urge to help.  I have spent time shadowing PAs as well as their physicians, and learned there is a harmonious partnership between the two.  It’s not just the PA working for the physician, but working together towards one goal - helping the patient.  This is the type of environment that makes me excited to become a PA.  I am also excited about the multitude of opportunities that becoming a PA would allow for.  Be it traveling to underdeveloped countries to provide care or donate time to the less fortunate, or even becoming a mentor to future PAs along their journey.  


I know it’s an unconventional route to decide at 30 years old to give up a successful career in exchange for an entirely different path, but I truly believe this is what I was meant to do.  I’m fortunate enough to have the support of my husband and family to help me accomplish this goal and I’m determined to see it through.



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You are on the right track!  Here is what I would change:


You must be specific in your reasons for seeking a PA school seat.  Helping people is too generic of a reason - you could easily help people as a restaurant manager, or as a social worker, biostatistician, or LPN.  The same goes with helping people in need.  There has to be some specific aspect that draws you to this profession, what is it?  That is the thought you need to develop and deliver in a specific and conclusive manner.


Looking good, best of luck to you.

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