Please explain why you are interested in being a Physician Assistant.

[juiceny]

Please critique on my personal essay.  Any advise would help.  Thank you very much!

 

Sam’s beeper fervently went off reading the message 64 y.o.m. with hypertension at 202/90, pls come see pt.  A subtle smile masked by a stern look appeared on my face, “going to our first call Sam?” I asked with a discipline tone trying to hide my excitement.   A grin appeared
on his face, confirmed with a head nod to answer the obviously enthused question, “yup you got it,” said Sam.   We rushed two flights of stairs to the orthopedic floor, welcomed by a distraught group of nurses swaying concerns like a pendulum to and fro in hopes to find out what was wrong with the patient.  I stood silently, yet attentively next to Sam to see his next plan of action.  He received verbal report from the charge nurse and examined the patient’s vital signs. I could tell by his reaction the patient was not doing too well.

He introduced me to all the nurses at nurse’s station.  Everyone looked at me with a welcoming smile.  “Alright Eddie, let’s embark on our journey,” he emphatically said.  We marched into the patient’s room and presented a warm introductory greeting.  “Hello, my name is Sam the Physician Assistant and this is Edward a pre-PA student who is shadowing me tonight.  Is it alright if he is here with me while I take a look at you?” Sam asked.  The patient gestured a thumbs up to me and a wide smile that raised his nasal cannula that was tightly snug under his nose.  I immediately pulled out my pen and pad and began taking notes.  “This is awesome,” I thought to myself.  The patient complained of severe pain, and upon Sam’s physical
assessment he noted hematoma on the right lateral side of his neck with moderate drainage from an incision site, but didn’t look to be obstructing his airway.  Still concerned, Sam contacted the
Ortho-resident and made aware of the clinical finding.  The night continued with swift and coordinated actions between the nurses, Ortho-resident and Sam.

After being up all night, my eyes blood shot, and the pungent smell of bitterness in my mouth after several cups of coffee, I was not the least bit tired.  The first day of shadowing felt rather second nature to me.  I knew from that very moment that my desire and passion to be a Physician Assistant was strongly reaffirmed. I am interested in the Physician Assistant (PA) profession because I understand the role they take in the medical field.  I feel the PA career is tailored to my unique personality and passion to work with a team of healthcare providers to care for the patient.  While interning with the EMS Fallon Ambulance I was able to take the patient’s vital signs with the supervision of the EMT and interact with patients with different spectrum of medical problems.  It was intriguing putting together the pieces of the puzzle from the patient’s vital signs and with the findings from the primary assessment to figure out the possible cause of the patient’s chief of complaint.  With the perfect blend of patient interaction as I have seen when shadowing Sam, and the autonomy to make prudent decisions with the help of a physician,
the PA career will be a challenging and fulfilling career.

The next day when I went for shadowing I was eager to find out what happened to my first patient Sam and I had that night.  Sam told me he ended up in the ICU that morning shortly after I left.  He progressively became worst he added and eventually expired that afternoon.  I was devastated.  There was a strong prognosis that the patient was going to get worst after Sam’s physical assessment.  However, seeing the efficient teamwork and the great communication handled effectively by all healthcare providers associates with the patient made me feel confident in the role I would want to play in the medical field, and definitely reassured my decision to become a PA.  It was midnight and not a sound was heard.  Sam and I talked about our favorite sport teams and suddenly his beeper fervently went off.  He smiled at me and asked “Are you ready?”

[cop to pa]

I don't think you answered the question of why you want to be a PA. Instead, this struck me as an essay describing your first day of shadowing a PA.  

 

Your line of "...a distraught group of nurses swaying concerns like a pendulum to and fro..."; consider losing it. It makes the nurses come off as incompetent and this is a health care team, not a superhero rushing in to save the day. 

 

What is unique about your personality and why does only the PA field match with it? If you're trying to say that you are unique for wanting to be a part of a team of health care providers, you may want to revise that.  It is not a unique viewpoint.

 

If you stick with this narrative format (which kept my attention, btw), the paragraph "After being up...", did not mesh in well. The information is needed to try and give some answers about you, but it detracts from your story.

[kris6026]

I think you have a good start, but have some work to do still. I agree with cop to pa, you did not answer why you want to be a PA. I think telling a story involving what you witnessed when you shadowed is good, but also be sure answer the question that is being asked, "why do you want to be a PA"  I did like your last line in your conclusion, but maybe discuss how and why you are ready. That way when you close with that sentence it will make it a powerful statement

 

 "I feel the PA career is tailored to my unique personality and passion to work with a team of healthcare providers to care for the patient. " What makes you unique for a career as a PA? 

 

Just my thoughts.

 

Best of luck!

[EMEDPA]

and of course the classic response needs to be worked in somewhere, "money for nothing, chicks for free".

[juiceny]

I don't think you answered the question of why you want to be a PA. Instead, this struck me as an essay describing your first day of shadowing a PA.  

 

Your line of "...a distraught group of nurses swaying concerns like a pendulum to and fro..."; consider losing it. It makes the nurses come off as incompetent and this is a health care team, not a superhero rushing in to save the day. 

 

What is unique about your personality and why does only the PA field match with it? If you're trying to say that you are unique for wanting to be a part of a team of health care providers, you may want to revise that.  It is not a unique viewpoint.

 

If you stick with this narrative format (which kept my attention, btw), the paragraph "After being up...", did not mesh in well. The information is needed to try and give some answers about you, but it detracts from your story.

Thank you very much!  I really appreciate your critique, I will definitely consider everything you mentioned and incorporate within my essay.  

[juiceny]

I think you have a good start, but have some work to do still. I agree with cop to pa, you did not answer why you want to be a PA. I think telling a story involving what you witnessed when you shadowed is good, but also be sure answer the question that is being asked, "why do you want to be a PA"  I did like your last line in your conclusion, but maybe discuss how and why you are ready. That way when you close with that sentence it will make it a powerful statement

 

 "I feel the PA career is tailored to my unique personality and passion to work with a team of healthcare providers to care for the patient. " What makes you unique for a career as a PA? 

 

Just my thoughts.

 

Best of luck!

Awesome!  This was extremely helpful.  I will consider everything you mentioned and use this critique to improve my essay.