kris6026 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Thank you in advance, to anybody that looks this over. I greatly appreciate it! As a child, I would frequently go sailing with my father. We would cast the lines, pull in the fenders and guide the boat out of the bay. Working together we would adjust the sails to allow the wind to guide us. I grasped the knowledge that the breeze moved the boat, but did not understand the full mechanisms as to how. As our sailing trips increased, I gained more skills, and my knowledge vastly improved. One day I woke to realize those peaceful moments had passed; the sails lost the wind and slowly begin to slack. I was forced back to reality. “I am initiating a massive transfusion in the Emergency Department on a female, Jane Doe, age unknown”, the ED physician tells me over the phone. My shift in the Blood Bank just started. I glance at the clock noting the time. We, as a team, have less than ten minutes to complete the first round of blood products needed for the patient. I reach for the “massive transfusion” paperwork to begin filling out, while simultaneously designating the technicians to fulfill duties I assign; thaw plasma and cryoprecipitate, get a cooler together for blood products. I quickly get to work setting up six uncrossmatched red cell products. The patient’s age is unknown indicating the need for O-negative red cells. Eight minutes later the Emergency Department technician is at the Blood Bank window waiting for any products ready. I issue the products, place the necessary units in the cooler and pass them off to the technician. The technician scurries away. I have completed my part, or piece of the puzzle, with the patients’ medical care, providing timely and efficient service. I, however, want the responsibility of a bigger piece of the puzzle: direct involvement with patients. Continuing my education in a Physician Assistant program will allow me to accomplish this. Working in a rapid response laboratory has been satisfying, knowing I provide information that could help a provider with a diagnosis. The real challenge I face in the laboratory is being closed off from the patient world. I miss the direct involvement of a patient, placing a name to a face, and the impact that you can make on a patient or even more empowering; the impact the patients makes on you. A career as a physician assistant is where I will accomplish the pieces of the puzzle, making the picture look complete. Working in this field will allow me to work as a team with medical professionals while working directly under the supervision of a physician. A key factor for me pursuing PA is the variability to change specialties. I will go into the program with an open-mind, and willingness to learn many different specialties. This is where I will find my true passion within medicine and even better I am not limited to one area of specialty. Other careers, such as a medical doctor or nurse practitioner do not have the option of changing specialties so easily. My education has led me exactly to the path I want to pursue; my determination is what will get me there. I have a passion for medicine and just like sailing when I was a child, I still enjoy the challenge, working as a team, and succeeding in my goals. A career as a PA, will give me the capability to raise the sails once more and let the wind guide me. This route allows constant wind that keeps the sails full and the boat in forward motion. It is with this motion I find peace! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UCPA2018 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 You don't really go into detail about why you want to be a PA over say, a nurse. Be more specific about how you know PA school is where you want to be and how you came to that conclusion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bfreeskier Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I personally like your metaphor, Just by looks it looks like you're below the 5000 character limit. I believe you should go into more detail about shadowing or working with PA's that brought you to this choice. But I'm in same boat as you trying to get in. Harharhar.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffee Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Hello! I appreciated the feedback you gave on my post. :) I think you have a lot of generalized statements about what made you decide on PA but you never go into detail to support these statements. I was confused with your metaphor. And I can appreciate a metaphor that is prevalent throughout an essay, but it completely threw me off by just being evident in the beginning and end, not anywhere in between. I also edited some sentences that made it read better to me and added my thoughts as I was reading it. I'm also a fellow applicant, so take what I say with a grain of salt. I hope I helped. Good luck! As a child, I would frequently go sailing with my father. We would cast the lines, pull in the fenders and guide the boat out of the bay. Working together,[i1] we would adjust the sails to allow the wind to guide us. I grasped the knowledge that the breeze moved the boat, but did not understand the full mechanisms as to how[i2] it worked. As our sailing trips increased, I gained more skills, and my knowledge vastly improved. One day I woke to realize those peaceful moments had passed; the sails lost the wind and slowly begin to slack. I was forced back to reality.[i3] [i4] “I am initiating a massive transfusion in the Emergency Department on a female, Jane Doe, age unknown”, the ED physician tells me over the phone. My shift in the Blood Bank just started. I glance at the clock noting the time. We, as a team, have My team has less than ten minutes to complete the first round of blood products needed for the patient. I reach for the “massive transfusion” paperwork to begin filling out, while simultaneously designating the technicians to fulfill duties I assign:[i5] thaw plasma and cryoprecipitate, get a cooler together for blood products. I quickly get to work setting up six uncrossmatched red cell products. The patient’s age is unknown indicating the need for O-negative red cells. Eight minutes later,[i6] the EmergencyDepartment technician is at the Blood Bank window waiting for finished products any products ready. I issue the products, place the necessary units in the cooler and pass them off to the technician. The technician scurries away. I have completed my part, or piece of the puzzle, with the patients’ medical care, providing timely and efficient service.[i7] I, however, want the responsibility of a bigger piece of the puzzle: direct involvement with patients. Continuing my education in a Physician Assistant program will allow me to accomplish this. Working in a rapid response laboratory has been satisfying, knowing I provide information that could help a provider with a diagnosis. The real challenge I face in the laboratory is being closed off from the patient world. I miss [i8] the direct involvement of a patient, placing a name to a face, and the impact that you can make on a patient or even more empowering; the impact the patients makes on you. [i9] [i10] A career as a physician assistant is where I will accomplish the pieces of the puzzle, making the picture look complete. Working in this field will allow me to work as a team with medical professionals while working directly under the supervision of a physician[i12] . A key factor for me pursuing PA is the variability to change specialties. I will go into the program with an open-mind, and willingness to learn many different specialties. This is where I will find my true passion within medicine and even better I am not limited to one area of specialty. [i13] Other careers, such as a medical doctor or nurse practitioner do not have the option of changing specialties so easily. My education [i14] has led me exactly to the path I want to pursue; my determination is what will get me there. I have a passion for medicine and just like sailing when I was a child, I still enjoy the challenge, working as a team, and succeeding in my goals. A career as a PA, will give me the capability to raise the sails once more [i15] and let the wind guide me. This route allows constant wind that keeps the sails full and the boat in forward motion. It is with this motion I find peace[i16] ! ------------------------------------------------------------------ [i1]Comma inserted [i2]I think it’s grammatically incorrect to end a sentence on “how.” [i3]I think there needs to be a transition between the intro and your next paragraph. The jump between topics is so drastic that l am wondering what the point of the first paragraph is throughout your entire essay, up until the conclusion. [i4]Hmm..I don’t quite understand this. Reality of what, exactly?… of unpeaceful moments without sailing? [i5]Replaced semicolon with colon [i6]Comma inserted [i7]From this paragraph, I understood your duties at the blood bank and how you provided “timely and efficient service”. If that was your only intended purpose of this paragraph, I think you should condense it and allow yourself room to write more about topics relating to “Why PA?” or “What led you to PA?’ [i8]To me, “miss” makes it sound like you’ve had direct patient involvement before this experience, and that you want it again. Maybe try “I yearn for” or something like that. [i9] I think you could incorporate these points as you describe your duties within the previous paragraph. Maybe by emphasizing the fact that all your actions were to help the “unknown” patient. Like, you don’t know how it helps, but you were thinking about this unknown patient each step of the way. [i10]What experiences do you have that show you know about “the impact you can make on a patient”? What experiences do you have that show you know about “the impact a patient makes on you”? Expand on these points, and use your experience to help you, even if it involves shadowing a PA [i12]Why does being able to “work as a team with medical professionals while working directly under the supervision of a physician” matter to you? [i13]See, I understand that the ability to “change specialties” matters to you because you want to “learn many different specialties” and you’d otherwise feel limited. [i14]How has your education led you to the PA path? You never talk about or mention your education before this sentence. [i15]Not sure if it’s just me, but I don’t understand the metaphor. What is “constant wind”, “the full sails” and the “boat” representing? [i16]By the time I get to the conclusion, I completely forgot about the metaphor that you tried to set up at the intro. So I’m thinking “Why is he/she talking about finding peace when this essay is about her/him wanting to be a PA?” If you’re trying to stick with a metaphor, I think it should be prevalent throughout your essay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kris6026 Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 Thank you all for your suggestions and input. They helped a lot!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kris6026 Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 I have modified my essay a bit, if anyone can critique this, that would be great! Thanks As a child, I would frequently go sailing with my father. We would cast the lines, pull in the fenders and guide the boat out of the bay. Working together, we would adjust the sails to allow the wind to guide us. I grasped the knowledge that the breeze moved the boat, but did not understand the intricacies of sailing. As our sailing trips increased, I gained more skills, and my knowledge vastly improved. One day I woke to realize those peaceful moments on the boat had passed; the sails had lost the wind and slowly began to slack.“I am initiating a massive transfusion in the Emergency Department,” the physician speaks rapidly over the phone “female patient, Jane Doe, age unknown.” My shift in the Blood Bank just started. I glance at the clock noting the time. My team has less than ten minutes to complete the first round of blood products needed for the patient. I reach for the “massive transfusion” paperwork to begin filling out, while simultaneously designating the technicians to fulfill duties I assign: thaw plasma, cryoprecipitate, and prepare a cooler for blood products. I quickly get to work setting up six uncrossmatched red blood cell products. The patient’s age is unknown indicating the need for O-negative red cells. Eight minutes later, the Emergency Department technician is at the Blood Bank window waiting for any finished products. I issue the products, place the necessary units in the cooler and pass them off to the technician. The technician rushes away. I have completed my piece in regards to the patient; the sails are now flying half-mast. The medical professionals in the ED will provide the wind allowing the sails to guide them. That is exactly who I want to be!I want to be part of a team, working as a physician assistant, making medical decisions, and providing direct patient care. I want to help the boat move forward, sails fully flying. Continuing my education in a physician assistant program will allow me to accomplish this. My current job as a laboratory technologist has been satisfying, knowing I provide information that could help a provider with a diagnosis and ultimately help a patient. However, the real challenge I face in the laboratory is being closed off from the patient world. I yearn for direct patient involvement, placing a face to the name, and feeling the impact I could have on a patient, or perhaps more empowering; the impact a patient could have on me. Working as a PA will allow me to engage in direct patient care and provide a compassionate service. At the same time I will have the ability to focus on the diagnostic and analytical aspect of medicine.My time spent shadowing a PA in urgent care has solidified my goal of working in this field of medicine. I witnessed time and again the caring and efficient service that a PA provides. One shift, during my shadowing experience, a patient came to urgent care for heart palpitations that had intermittently been taking place for two days. The PA entered the room, asked the patient what was going on, and then actively listened to what she had to say. After determining the patient’s symptoms, the PA described a plan of action: an EKG to start. The MA performed an EKG on the patient which revealed a normal rhythm. Not satisfied with the findings, the PA requested that the MA stay with the patient until the palpitations returned. Shortly after, the MA delivered a strip that read “A-fibrillation”. Acting quickly, the staff arranged the patient to be transferred via ambulance to the local ED. While waiting for transport to arrive, the PA remained in the triage room, conversing with the patient, and keeping her calm. To experience a patient’s plan of care from start to finish and to be there as a reassuring presence, made me realize what I have been missing while working in a laboratory. I have a passion for medicine and just like sailing as a child, I enjoy the challenge, working as a team, and succeeding in my goals. A career as a physician assistant, will give me the capability to raise the sails full force. This route allows constant wind that keeps the sails full and the boat in forward motion. It is with this motion I find peace! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffee Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Hi! I think you've made a great improvement with the content of your essay! I think the transitions are better, and your desire to be PA is more clear with the new info about your shadowing experience. A couple of my thoughts/edits while reading: I still am a little confused by your metaphor, but not as much as before. From your body paragraphs, I think sails = the level of patient care, wind = the scope of practice to carry out a certain type of patient care, boat = the delivery of patient care? Or are you implying that sails = your level of fulfillment/happiness, wind = whatever is giving you happiness, boat = your life? My confusion may be just the fact that I'm bad at interpreting metaphors, so try to get a second opinion on that if you can. I have completed my piece part in regards to the patient's care; the sails are now flying half-mast, and. The medical professionals in the ED will provide the wind that guides themallowing the sails to guide them. My time spent shadowing a PA in urgent care has solidified my goal of working in this field of medicine. I witnessed time and again the caring and efficient service that a PA provides. One shift, during During one shift of my shadowing experience , a patient came to arrived in urgent care for due to heart palpitations that had occurred intermittently been taking place for two days. The PA entered the room, asked the patient what was going on, and then actively listened to what she had to say. After determining the patient’s symptoms, the PA described a plan of action: an EKG to start. The MA performed an EKG on the patient which revealed a normal rhythm. Not satisfied with the findings, the PA requested that the MA stay with the patient until the palpitations returned. Shortly after, the MA delivered a strip that read “A-fibrillation”. Acting quickly, tThe staff quickly arranged the patient to be transferred via ambulance to the local ED. While waiting for transport to arrive, the PA remained in the triage room, conversing with the patient, and keeping her calm. To experience a patient’s plan of care from start to finish and to be there as a reassuring presence, made me realize what I have been missing while working in a laboratory. Since you still have about ~800 characters, I would try to incorporate your feelings on why you chose PA versus say, a doctor, who can also " be part of a team, make medical decisions, and provide direct patient care" Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kris6026 Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 Thanks again, coffee!! You have been a lot of help!! I will be submitting my application tomorrow :) Oh and I checked how many characters I had (on CASPA) and with my most recent essay I am close to 4200, but I will see if I can incorporate that. Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffee Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Excellent, I'm glad I could help! Oops, I meant ~800 characters left to work on, which gives you room for about six sentences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kris6026 Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 I realized what you meant after I replied. Ha oops! Thanks again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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