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Medic to PA, need some input

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I've written the first draft below and would like to know of any suggestions, content or otherwise, there might be. I'm sure there are a couple of sentences that need some restructuring and some grammar flaws. Let me hear what you think.


Also, how accurate has anyone found Mac's Pages program to be at character count? It is showing this piece to be 4,688 characters.


Thanks for the input in advance!



As I knelt in dirt and body fluids at the front of the convenience store attempting to intubate our pt, I hear the rhythmic wave of CPR being done by my partner. After we paused to check the patients rhythm and give subsequent shocks, my partner calmly states, “he’s got a pulse.” It is infrequent that patients in sudden cardiac arrest get proper aid and even less frequent that they get a pulse back, so this was exciting. As I ventilated our ever improving patient in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, I began to contemplate how I got into this position.



The medical field was never on my radar as a job growing up. I wanted to play sports, hunt and fish, not kneel down in blood to pick up a fight victim or see a wife become distraught as I tell her that her husband has died. Sure, I had medical exposure since my mother and grandmother were nurses and through getting treated for my various broken bones and lacerations, but I never saw myself doing those things. My road into medicine has been slow, but is definitely where I am meant to be.



Growing up in a poor, rural county in Tennessee made me aware of the difficulties and hopelessness of those less fortunate than me. During high school my parents became missionaries and we moved to a rural area of Kenya, East Africa where I witnessed true poverty and an inability of people to properly care for themselves and their families. During my time in Africa, I also became aware of the difference in healthcare available in the United States versus less developed parts of the world. These healthcare shortcomings were evident in the large number of unrepaired cleft lips in kids, the abundance of HIV/AIDS and the general lack of knowledge about medical conditions, not to mention the absence of a proper place or personnel to treat those conditions.



Back in the United States I began college with no clear aim and wondered through several years just doing enough in school to get by with mediocre success. After finally settling on a biology major with the goal of becoming a wildlife conservation officer, I felt I had a purpose, but, this path ultimately left me dissatisfied and wanting something more. After some searching I began EMT and paramedic school and finally found truly rewarding work in helping others in their time of greatest need. As a paramedic, I am able to work with a team of other first responders and hospital EMS staff to positively affect peoples lives everyday. Responding to 911 calls allows me to see vastly different situations and patients on each shift, requiring quick thinking, level- headedness and the ability to be flexible. Serving as a field training officer for the past five years has allowed me to impart my appreciation for the opportunity to help people and work in the medical field to those who are just starting their adventure into medicine.



Having been a paramedic for the past eight years, I developed an itch to learn more and to do more. I wanted to have greater knowledge, more responsibility and a higher skill level. I had come into contact with several physician asisstants (PA) during my time of dropping off patients at hospitals and making calls to medical clincs and, after talking to several PAs and learning more about their training and careers, I began to visualize that becoming a PA would fulfill my goals of increasing my scope of practice. As I gained more knowledge about the PA profession, I began to understand how my time as a paramedic could directly correlate to becoming a PA and allow me to remain part of a healthcare team as well as fulfill my desire to learn more and do more to positively affect people in their time of need. Going back to school and working full time while raising three kids and working opposite days as my wife to make it all possible has been difficult, but the effort and sacrifice have allowed me to demonstrate that I will be an excellent PA student and has prepared me to tackle PA school and the exciting and challenging career that awaits.



After dropping our revived patient off at the emergency department, I kept up with his progress over the course of the next few weeks. Despite a near 100% occlusion of his left anterior descending artery, my patient made a full recovery and his family got the gift of spending Christmas with a husband and father that had a new outlook and lease on life. Standing on a stage with the patient six months following his near death experience and receiving a life saving award for the incident confirmed the decision to become a PA, not because of the recognition and awards, but for the positive impact that I can have on others, especially those less fortunate than I.

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4709 by my account. I would first suggest reading it slowing and out loud. There are a few grammar mistakes that will become evident, hopefully. Try deleting the 2nd paragraph and see how that reads, it seems a bit on the negative side and doesn't flow well with the rest of the narrative. There are some run on sentences I think you can restructure with better vocabulary, Ex:

'I had come into contact with several physician assistants (PA) during my time of dropping off patients at hospitals and making calls to medical clincs and, after talking to several PAs and learning more about their training and careers, I began to visualize that becoming a PA would fulfill my goals of increasing my scope of practice.'

Maybe - 'I learned more about the PA profession when I came into contact with PAs in the ER. After casual conversations and making calls to medical clinics, my interest to increase my scope of practice began to shift toward this profession.'

It definitely need work though and I think you have really good start, just need editing to make it more concise.

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