Tear it apart, please :-)

[KrystalAnn]

I could really use some critique on my personal statement. I am a first time applicant who would love your feedback!

 

A defining characteristic of human beings is the ability to express themselves through speech and writing. We can access the things we want in life easily when ideas are logical and coherent. However, observation is best for understanding other forms of expression and often it is essential for delivering quality care. While working for Homelife Inc., interplay of my keen observational-skills and understanding of the resident’s medical history allowed me to provide the best care. The resident’s mental stability varied often, but from that, I gained patience. Even when I found myself in challenging situations, like restraining one resident for the safety of another or having a resident refuse medications, my patience allowed me to react with respect. Amongst my diverse experiences, I am sadly reminded how quickly life can change at the expense of one’s health conditions. Learning the story of a man who suffered from brain damage as a result of a heart attack illustrates my motivation for becoming a physician assistant (PA) . Helping him perform the actions he once did without much thought, strengthened for me the importance of PA’s. Although many conditions are often unpredictable, my passion is to be able to promote health and give people the best chance for a quality life that does not have to be dictated by poor health.

 

 

Consistent with my desire to enhance others life through my knowledge and resources, I served four years as Volunteer Coordinator for Alpha Lambda Delta (ALD), a national honors society. I formed new connections with local organizations that now remain as primary resources for providing ALD’s community service events. One of the service events I enjoyed was Harvest Festival, in which we brought together families from near-by neighborhoods to enjoy a mini-carnival, free for local residents. Implementing volunteer events gives me a great sense of fulfillment because it allows me to promote what I believe in most, bringing happiness to people’s lives. Being a part of ALD also showed me the significance of working as a team. When I first joined the ALD board, my excitement to deliver events overshadowed my ability to manage my time efficiently. Over-committing myself, not only to ALD but also in other aspects of my life, I sacrificed my studies. Determined to find a balance, I developed a planning committee and it made me realize I became more of an attribute to the board. Allowing other members to take part in planning, I shared the importance of our events and we increased our volunteer numbers.

 

 

Now more engaged in my studies, I needed to figure out what I wanted for the future. I conducted research with Dr. Cindy Linn because my Human Physiology course with her really excited me and solidified that I wanted to have a career in medicine. The research I did was for Glaucoma, using an animal-model. I found performing the excision of the retina as thrilling, however, I wanted to have direct impact on people’s lives. Talking with the other research-assistant who was pre-PA I was excited to learn more, so I explored by shadowing a Cardiac PA, and her supervising Physician. Every aspect of the PA profession was explained, and I saw in her the great amount of satisfaction the PA profession would give me. While talking with her Physician I saw the respect he has for PA’s, being a pertinent part of his team. She was able to ask not only her supervising Physician for input but other Physicians because the ultimate goal is to treat the patient. Similarly, her Physician could rely on her knowledge for the benefit of the patient. When the PA would enter a patient’s room, she would perform her technical tasks then ask if the family or the patient had questions, and no matter how mundane she always gave the utmost respect. I want to give that same clarity so that people can have the tools to take an active-role in their health.

 

 

In addition to shadowing, being a member of the Pre-Physician Assistant Society strengthen my ambition for becoming a PA. PA’s and PA students showed me the importance of the role of a PA in society, providing access to care. I want to be a part of the movement for better health because good health is not a characteristic I can attribute to my family, bad genes and poor decisions make for a difficult life. The struggles with health really are what primed my motivation for medicine. As a PA, I can help change individual’s dispositions but also the future of health care.

 

 

In the future, I aim to reduce the presence of bad health that exists in so many people’s lives. I want to help people live longer with managing or preventing health conditions so that they can lead happy lives. As a PA I can use the knowledge of medicine and my compassion to give the best care.

[jeachen]

I don't really get a sense of why you want to go to PA school.

[beattie228]

KrystalAnn,

 

Your narrative is well written, but lacks depth as to who you are as a PA applicant in my opinion. Like Jeachen mentioned, after reading your narrative, I'm not left with a clear understanding of why you want to become a PA. You touch on the idea lightly in your first paragraph regarding the gentleman who suffered brain damage post heart attack. I think you should expand this concept even more as its own paragraph. Brainstorm the reasons why you want to become a PA on a separate sheet of paper or a dry erase board, and incorporate some of those ideas into your narrative. For me, I benefited from also making a list as to why I didn't want to become a physician or nurse. Of course, I didn't mention why I didn't want to become a physician in my narrative, but it helped me to solidify my personal reasoning for pursuing a career as a PA. If you find yourself running close to the maximum character length after further elaborating on your own motivations to become a PA, you could think about reducing the amount of time given to your research portion of the narrative. Ignore that piece of advice if it's something you personally find significant, but in my opinion the bit about research makes a nice conversation point during the interview but doesn't seem to flow throughout the essay. Hope that helps!