Any and all advice on this personal statement is greatly appreciated, thanks.

[marcus]

Thank you for your time,

 

My desire and interest in becoming a Physician Assistant (PA) began during a semester long externship while completing my four year long master’s degree program in Oriental Medicine. For four months three days a week my classmates and I worked in a small multicultural family practice clinic in the lower socioeconomic town of Watsonville, CA working with and shadowing the PA’s and the medical doctor there. After the first day I was in love with the PA profession. It was clear that the PAs that we worked with where compassionate and dedicated to the well being and the health of all of their patients. The vast knowledge, social skills, honesty, autonomy and diversity required of the PA set the scene for my admiration with the profession. No matter how busy the PAs were they were never short with the patients, if it was an established patient the PA always knew something personal about the patients’ family and the patient was always made to feel warm and welcomed no matter the disease or prognosis of the patient. The amount of time, patience and devotion for each and every patient established by the PAs that I worked with set a high bar for my level of patient care in the future.

Working as a volunteer during high school at the Children’s hospital of Denver was my initial introduction to patient interaction and care. My responsibilities including helping patients and their families with their non-medical needs setting up the rooms, getting supplies for them, finding their caregivers and most importantly listening. It became clear to me that the medical staff for the most part was too busy to provide the compassion and the humanitarian interactions that most of the families needed, I established this as the norm for healthcare until I met my first PA. It became ingrained in me through this experience that the importance of compassion as a healthcare provider was a quality that patients need as well as require.

Through my education as an Emergency Medical Technician (EMT) I learned the necessity in the medical profession for speed, proficiency and precision. Working closely with the paramedic as a team it was clear the comradery and dependence that was elicited and needed for the ambulance to function at its highest potential. My ability as an EMT to communicate clearly to the paramedic, as well as to the accepting Emergency Department (ED) staff and physicians was crucial and a clear necessity. My time in the ED exposed me to the precious minutes that pass like seconds while a human being teeters between life and death and the absolute need for team work for a group of people to save an individual life.

Shadowing PA’s and medical doctors for the last three years has provided me with a great exposure to the profession. I have shadowed both PA’s and doctors in family practice settings, outpatient procedure settings as well as in pain management. Observing the interactions of the PA’s with their patients has been more rewarding and gratifying for both myself and the patient. It is my opinion that the variety and diversity of the PA’s life experiences typically make them better suited in terms of patient interaction and humanity. Some physicians seem very rushed and distant to the compassion and time that patients need, whereas all the PA’s seem to make the time to go above and beyond their call of duty to provide for their patients and most importantly to know their patients. My favorite PA gave me the advice, “know the patient as a person and not as a disease or injury and all people deserve compassion no matter how they present,” this statement has stayed with me and deeply moved my to provide this great level of care and humanity to my patients.

As a nationally certified swift water rescue and white water kayaking instructor I have learned how to teach people to save their own lives and those of others. Also, I have learned to communicate effectively with people in the midst of life threatening situations and times of deep seeded fear and desperation. In a rescue situation the ability of people to work as a team is a necessity that the rescuees life utterly depends on. This experience has provided me with the ability to direct and control of group of rescuers through masterful communication and delegation to achieve the safety of all people involved. As well it has taught me the need to look at the big picture during events and to not get trapped into the minutia of a situation. This caries over into the way I provide healthcare for patients because it is not always the presenting chief complaint that needs to be addressed in the patient, most of the time there are other issues which are commonly missed by other providers who do not look at the patient in a big picture or whole person mindset.

As a primary care provider in the state of California and designated so by some insurance companies in Colorado my Oriental Medicine practice has exposed me to a great variety of patients. I have established and maintained working relationships and referrals with local physicians, PAs, Nurse Practitioners, Physical Therapists, Nutritionists and other healthcare providers. Establishing a successful private practice has taught me many things about how a clinic runs, I have learned how to establish relationships with other clinics, deal with insurance companies, and establish medical necessity and prior authorization for procedures and treatment protocols. Learning and knowing when and how to make the appropriate referral to a specialist for the betterment of the patient as well as knowing when a condition or disease is over my head, has lead me to a position of respect and gratitude from patients and healthcare providers. My current scope of practice requires me to fit the mold of every primary care provider. I have loved working as an Oriental Medicine practitioner however, I have learned that my current knowledge base is holding me back from providing the greatest care for patients as well, my desire to do more for patients and to stay on the cutting edge of medicine has lead me to PA school.

My eventful and colorful life has provided me with a great molding to fit the needs of the PA profession and most importantly of my future patients. My experiences in complimentary healthcare will be an asset to the PA community, in knowledge, instruction and understanding. The diversity and variety of the PAs role in healthcare and the ability to continually expand ones knowledge with the availability of working with many physician specialists inspires, and stimulates my excitement about being and working as a PA. My life experience, self motivation, ability to work in a team setting, autonomy, reliability, desire to help others, dependability, diverse clinical background and my determination will make me an excellent PA.

[marcus]

Please take a moment to give your advice.

[jen0508]

looks pretty long. doesnt CASPA have a character limit?

physician assistant does not need to be capitalized.

you can say "physician" instead of medical doctor for an easier read, and to save characters

 

"For four months , (added coma) three days a week my classmates and I worked in a small multicultural family practice clinic in the lower-socioeconomic town of Watsonville, CA. (new sentence) We worked with and shadowed the PA's and medical doctor. ( took out "there")

 

"The vast knowledge, social skills, honesty, autonomy and diversity required of the PA..." ---- try another word, like "embodied by the PA"

 

"No matter how busy the PAs were, (added coma) they were never short with the patients: (added colon) if it was an established patient the PA always knew something personal about the patients’ family and the patient was always made to feel (try "the patient always felt" instead) warm and welcomed no matter the disease or prognosis of the patient. The amount of time, patience and devotion for each and every patient established by the PAs that I worked with (can take that out, we already know you worked with them and it just makes the sentence longer) set a high bar for my level of patient care in the future."

 

"My responsibilities including helping patients..." ---- change to "included"

 

"...and their families with their non-medical needs, (added coma) setting up the rooms, getting supplies for them, finding their caregivers (take that out or reword, you dont want to imply that their caregivers werent around, even if that was the case) and most importantly listening."

 

"It became clear to me that the medical staff for the most part was too busy to provide the compassion and the humanitarian interactions that most of the families needed, I established this as the norm for healthcare until I met my first PA. " ---- I used to be a CNA so i can understand having too many patients and not being able to attend to all of them. perhaps someone on the admissions committee was once a CNA (or any other provider) that had 20 patients at a time and couldnt attend to them. Also, PAs are not immune to that. there are PAs that have to see patients every 10-15 minutes and are too busy to provide "compassion and humanitarian interactions" ..because of time constraints. you should take this out your essay.

 

"Working closely with the paramedic as a team, ( added coma) it was clear the comradery ..."

 

"My time in the ED exposed me to the precious minutes that pass like seconds while a human being teeters between life and death, (added coma) and the absolute need for team work for a group of people to save an individual's life."

 

"Observing the interactions of the PA’s with their patients has been more rewarding and gratifying for both myself and the patient." ---- how was your "observation of the interaction of PAs with their patients" gratifying for the patient???

 

"It is my opinion that the variety and diversity of the PA’s life experiences typically make them better suited in terms of patient interaction and humanity." ---- What if someone on the admissions committee became a PA straight out of undergrad and didnt have and "life experiences"???? this statement is borderline stereotypical. take it out. by the way, better suited than whom?? a physician? what if there is a physician on the admissions committee? or someone married to one? how do you think they are going to feel while reading your personal statement?

 

 

"Some physicians seem very rushed and distant to the compassion and time that patients need, whereas all the PA’s seem to make the time to go above and beyond their call of duty to provide for their patients and most importantly to know their patients." ---- again, you should NEVER bash another profession in your personal statement. take this out!!! not all physicans are rushed and distant, and not all PAs go above and beyond. take this out because statement alone may get your application thrown out

 

"As a nationally certified swift water rescue and white water kayaking instructor, (add coma) I have learned how..."

 

"In a rescue situation, (add coma) the ability of people to work as a team is a ..."

 

"As well it has taught me the need to look at the big picture during events and to not get trapped into the minutia of a situation. This caries over into the way I provide healthcare for patients because it is not always the presenting chief complaint that needs to be addressed in the patient, most of the time there are other issues which are commonly missed by other providers who do not look at the patient in a big picture or whole person mindset." ---- i would take the whole bolded part out. again, never bash other providers in your personal statement. plus the sentence sounds very ackward, and it does not add anything to why the school should accept you in their program

 

"As a primary care provider in the state of California and designated so by some insurance companies in Colorado( add coma) my Oriental Medicine practice has exposed me to a great variety of patients." ---- might want to define what exactly oriental medicine is and what your role is in providing care, for all the ignorant people out there (like myself)

 

"Establishing a successful private practice has taught me many things about how a clinic runs: (added colon) I have learned how to establish relationships with other clinics, deal with insurance companies, and establish medical necessity and prior authorization for procedures and treatment protocols. Learning and knowing when and how to make the appropriate referral to a specialist for the betterment of the patient, (added coma) as well as knowing when a condition or disease is over my head, has lead me to a position of respect and gratitude from patients and healthcare providers. My current scope of practice requires me to fit the mold of every primary care provider.(EVERY primary care provider??? might want to take this out) I have loved working as an Oriental Medicine practitioner; (semi colon) however, I have learned that my current knowledge base is holding me back from providing the greatest care for patients. (added period here, because the sentence was getting too long. You can start the next sentence off with "In addition, my desire to do more...") as well, my desire to do more for patients and to stay on the cutting edge of medicine has lead me to PA school."

 

" The diversity and variety of the PAs role in healthcare and the ability to continually expand ones knowledge with the availability of working with many physician specialists inspires and stimulates my excitement about being and working (just say "about becoming a PA") as a PA." ---- i would take the first bolded phrase out. it makes your sentence too wordy, also physicians can work with other specialists too so this is not unique to PAs

 

"My life experience, self motivation, ability to work in a team setting, autonomy, reliability, desire to help others, dependability, diverse clinical background and my determination will make me an excellent PA." ---- that list goes on wayyy too long. pick 4-5 things

 

 

this was a good essay, but you made alot of grammer errors (not using comas when needed, not using colons/semicolons when needed, lots of long run-on sentences) which i tried too fix. You also majorly messed up by bashing physicians, and making assumptions that PAs are not rushed and magically have more time for patients. please please fix those things or else your application might get thrown out regardless of how great of an applicant you are.

 

good luck