PS Feedback !!!!! :)

[briannarolon]

Hey guys!! I know ya'll are probably on the same boat as me, but I was wondering if anyone could look through my PS and offer advice, adjustments, or share feedback you've personally gotten! It is over 5,000 right now, so I've got to cut it down a bit, but here is what I've got. Thanks in advance :)

 

When my sister was born, I held her little hand as she struggled to breathe on her own. She was born premature at 26 weeks in early November, with a due date of late January. During her rollercoaster journey, she had a heart murmur, a club foot, incurred septicemia, and her lungs collasped. We were told she would possibly not make it. I sat beside my parents feeling helpless. I wanted nothing more than to make a difference and help in any way I could. Those healthcare providers saved my sister’s life, changing my life forever. I was not sure exactly how at that age, but I knew I wanted to grow up and change lives as those physicians changed mine. Becoming a Physician Assistant allows me to make that impact in this world, advocating for those who do not have a voice. I want to be an inspiration to my patients, continually showing them they can count on me. My goal is to study harder now, so that tomorrow I can use my knowledge to impact our community.

 Being that I was a scribe for the entire department, each shift I was working with a different provider. This allowed me to gain different perspectives and approaches on patient care by working with various personalities. The ER is also very diverse, including a variety of patients, sicknesses, illnesses, backgrounds, etc. Being that I am a social butterfly, I loved meeting so many different people and creating various relationships. Although I loved being a scribe, I was not allowed to intereact with patients and wanted a more hands on experience. This is when I began my journey as a medical assistant.

Working as a medical assistant has truly been the most rewarding learning experience. During a particular experience, I learned that shrinking in the brain over a period of time implies dementia. From then on, I was able to analyze the imaging we received and determine the patient’s cognitive communication deficits. This was my moment to make an impact on someone’s life by assisting with a diagnosis and working on the treatment plan. It felt amazing! Through my hands on work, I am able to make that direct impact I have always dreamed about. 

Shadowing experience truly did solidify that there was no other profession I desire more. Witnessing Valerie Halstead of Indigo Dermatology furthered my excitement of this position, being that I want to specialize in dermatology. In one particular experience, I was asked to present on a procedure during an open house for the opening of Indigo Dermatology. I presented on the procedure of PRP, the injection of platelet-rich plasma to help patients restore lost hair safely and effectively. To prepare for this presentation to potential patients, Valerie performed the procedure on a patient where she was able to explain and directly show me everything. Being something I had watched religously all over social media, I was living the dream watching this procedure. While I do enjoy everything about the medical field and devote most of my time to my PA journey, I am also a student-athlete!

My experience as a collegiate athlete has played a huge role in molding me into the PA I aspire to be. We are trained to handle the intensity and demands of difficult classes, while being on a collegiate team. I also feel that medicine is a very team oriented environment. The knowledge of the medical field is advancing to require input from a team of experts to truly help patients. This requires interpersonal relations, communication, empathy, and humility. As a student-athlete, these qualities are engraved in my efforts to be the best teammate I can be. I am also a natural leader, trying to guide and help new teammates in any way I can. I am able to not only motivate and provide help to my teammates, but receive, interpret, and apply feedback from many. These qualities can be applied to medicine as we need to understand and support our patients. We also need to be able to communicate with our team members who may have different outlooks, opinions, duties, or skills. 

This journey has not been easy for me. I am human, and life can be crazy. For me, I struggle with family issues, specifically with parenting. I never had a relationship with my mother and at the age of 19, I was kicked out of my house and completely cut off. I never thought about providing for myself completely or even having an adequate savings fund. I would take any opportunity to work, even if I knew I had class or anything school related. I had missed so much of my General Chemistry I Lab that I had to withdraw. I received grades I never thought I would, failing Life Science Calculus and Cellular Biology. This was a learning experience for me, growing and maturing each day. I am not embarrassed by my situation, as this has shaped me into the future PA and student I am today. I am extremely thankful that these situations did happen to me and have taken this an opportunity to grow. All my decisions, right or wrong, play a huge part in who I am and what will make me an outstading PA.

With every interaction I have had, I grow more impressed with the role of a Physician Assistant. Through studying, medical assisting, and shadowing, I am experienced and prepared for the next chapter in my life. My personal trials and tribulations have allowed me to mature overnight, appreciate people along with their unique experiences, and be more aware of myself.  I would be honored to join the field of medicine and exemplify why PAs are so vital to our community. I am prepared to face the challenges and opportunities of a PA, providing quality healthcare to all patients.

 

[Janie55]

I’ve read your PS a few times. Personally it’s difficult to give specific suggestions when your character count appears to be over by quite a lot. How much over is it? 

I think I would omit your second PP completely. It talks about being a scribe, but that will be in your CASPA application and the paragraph is not very strong in general. That will help free up your character count issues. 

Your 3rd PP could be great-I’m sure you have several experiences working as a MA that you can write about that would be engaging. You mention being an MA has been very rewarding, but this is your smallest PP. 

The PP about your shadowing experience seems like you talk a lot about things that don’t enhance you in any way. The info in the PP again could just be listed and described in the CASPA application. I think I would omit this PP too.

The first and last 3 PP are fine, but you could tighten them up by writing more concise.

Once you are done with your edits, make sure when you or others read it, you/they feel you have clearly and concisely answered the prompt. You don’t want your PS to read like your resume (that info will be in CASPA already), and you don’t want it to be       a synopsis of stuff you know (talking about what a shrinking brain means).

Good luck!

 

 

[Patricia5827]

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