CASPA Personal Statement - Any modifications/advice would be greatly appreciated!

[LTC 526]

"Please describe your motivation towards becoming a PA." 5k character limit. Any suggestions on improving this essay would be greatly appreciated! Thank you in advance!

 

When I was eight years old sitting in Boston Children’s Hospital, I said to my mother, “Mom, I want to be a doctor because I know how it feels to be sick and want to feel better.” This mindset has always stayed with me. After researching different positions in the medical field growing up, I finally decided in college that being a Physician Assistant (PA) would be the perfect fit for me. My demanding schedule throughout college, service as a Peace Corps volunteer, and experiencing firsthand the health care field in a third world country, have all served as motivators to enter the PA profession. These steps cultivated the path I needed to endeavor in order to become a successful Physician Assistant one day.

 

During college, my time was occupied with cross country practices twice a day, traveling to competitions on the weekends, working up to three jobs at a time, shadowing an orthopedic PA, and maintaining a 3.96 GPA all while graduating a semester early. I possessed the skills I thought I needed to become a PA – excelling in academics, working long hours, and the sedulity towards achieving my goals. I was encased in a bubble of solely academics, my running career, work, and trying to be the perfect candidate for PA programs. However, the key component I was missing – real life experiences – was found in Guatemala.

 

Four months after graduating college, I boarded a plane in New York ready to begin my two year service in Guatemala as a Peace Corps Volunteer. My initial partisanship of being a PA rather than any other medical profession was espoused with the idea of mobility of specialties, serving as a key contributor to the overall productivity of the clinic, and freeing the physician to attend to more complex cases. However, during my Peace Corps service I have realized being a PA is so much more than these rudimentary descriptions. Especially with passion rooted from experience and understanding others and their cultures, the PA can serve as a liaison between the underserved populations and the medical attention they deserve.

 

The past year I have been working in rural villages in the Western Highlands of Guatemala as a Preventative Health Technician. Every morning I begin my day in the Health Center and later go out to the villages to teach preventative health through the use of Health Promoter groups, HIV workshops, and home visits. I am in constant interaction with medically underserved families teaching them as much as I possibly can so that they can improve their lifestyles. However, as important as the preventative health aspect is, I continue to lack the other fifty percent of care containing the skill and knowledge to treat.

 

This yearning for knowledge is recognized every time I work in the regional hospital in the pediatric orthopedic and malnourished wards. Each week I witness situations and hear stories that could tug at anyone’s emotions. However, the most I can do right now is continue teaching preventative health and giving emotional support to these children and their families. When I hold a three year old child whose bones I can feel through his gurney and who has not learned to walk yet, the only thing I can offer is strong words of encouragement. The burgeoning pain in my heart of the inability to provide more care is what has augmented my zeal to become a PA. I hope that as a PA I will be able to provide the complete basic care to such families including both the preventative and curative forms, while freeing the physician to attend to more intricate cases. Each patient, family member, and visit to the villages continues to kindle the fire that has continuously been growing in my heart to make my dream of becoming a PA a reality.

 

Often times I feel as though I have gained more from this Peace Corps experience than I have given. The situations in which my neighbors and friends undergo daily as part of their ordinary lives constantly give me the motivation to address the medically underserved population and the care they deserve. After all, Physician Assistant occupation was founded on this principal- to serve the medically underserved. Therefore, these experiences I have accrued throughout college and during my Peace Corps service have been not only motivators to enter the PA profession but are also contributors to the attributes I believe will one day allow me to become an extraordinary PA.

[IdahoPA]

Ok, overall I like it and I think you have a lot of experience to draw from. I would make a few tweaks.

 

1.) I don't know why, but it just sort of irks me when people start their PSs, "I wanted to be a MD, but..." I know you likely heard of the PA profession waaaaay after you knew what a doctor was, but it kinda sounds like PA was a second choice. (And that might be entirely true, but it doesn't mean you have to highlight that fact in your very first sentence.) You could say, "As a child, I knew I wanted to work in the medical field..." or something similar.

 

2.) job titles are not capitalized --> physician assistant, Peace Corps volunteer , prev health tech; also health center (unless that is actually it's complete name)

 

3.) in your 2nd paragraph, I'd end the sentence after "work" and delete the "trying to become a perfect PA candidate" Sounds...odd. There is no set "perfect." Also, your list there seems clunky since two of your items lead with -ing verbs. Perhaps you could add "and possessing the sedulity..."

 

4.) I would change "the key comp" to "a key comp" "However, a key component was missing-- real-life experience. I found it in Guatemala."

 

5.) Your paper is quite heavy on the lists. "I did a, b, and c. Then x, y, and z." Also, the end of the first paragraph and the beginning of the second seem a bit redundant. Your second paragraph is literally 3 lists and a last sentence.

 

6.) in paragraph 4, I would delete the "50%" stat. I'm pretty sure medicine is more than 50% prev; regardless, this seems made up. "I continue to lack the knowledge to cure..."

 

7.) I'm not convinced your last paragraph is necessary.

 

8.) I like paragraphs 3-5; they show you've clearly thought about why you wish to join the PA profession. In paragraph 5, I would delete the "while freeing the physician to attend..." You've already mentioned that aspect so it seems redundant. Also, it's possible that if you work in a rural area you won't have a physician on site to free up.

 

It seems you have a good head on your shoulders and a big heart. I hope things work out for you. Best of luck!

[J2012]

My demanding schedule throughout college, service as a Peace Corps volunteer, and experiencing firsthand the health care field in a third world country, have all served as motivators to enter the PA profession.

I think there is something wrong with this sentence. It reads as my schedule, my service, and my experiencing. I think it should be my schedule, my service and my (firsthand) experience in the health care field.

 

 

Four months after graduating college, I boarded a plane in New York ready to begin my two year service in Guatemala as a Peace Corps Volunteer.

 

Is it necessary to say "in New York?" I think the sentence would be more fluid if it read something like

 

"Four months after graduating college, I boarded the plane, ready to begin my two year service in Guatemala as a Peace Corps Volunteer."

 

 

However, during my Peace Corps service I have realized being a PA is so much more than these rudimentary descriptions.

Sounds odd. Could be rephrased like "However, I realized during my service that being ......"

 

Especially with passion rooted from experience and understanding others and their cultures, the PA can serve as a liaison between the underserved populations and the medical attention they deserve.

 

Sentence seems awkward. I think it would benefit from a lead in like "When passion is rooted from experience, the PA....."

 

 

I am in constant interaction with medically underserved families teaching them as much as I possibly can so that they can improve their lifestyles.

I think having a comma after teaching. So it would read.... "medically underserved families, teaching them as much...."

 

This yearning for knowledge is recognized every time I work in the regional hospital in the pediatric orthopedic and malnourished wards.

 

I'm not really a fan of this sentence. This refers to what? As the is the first sentence, I'm not sure what this is referring to. You worked "in the" hospital "in the" pediatric and malnourished wards. Maybe try something like "My yearning for knowledge" or "I recognized my yearning for knowledge." I think the latter part could be reorganized like "every time I work in the regional hospital's pediatric and malnourished wards.

 

 

The burgeoning pain in my heart of the inability to provide more care is what has augmented my zeal to become a PA.

 

 

This sentence also sounds off. Rephrase like "The inability to provide more care created a burgeoning pain in my heart; this is what has augmented ...."

 

I hope that as a PA I will be able to provide the complete basic care to such families including both the preventative and curative forms, while freeing the physician to attend to more intricate cases.

 

Delete the last part, and rephrase the rest. Just sounds off.

 

 

After all, Physician Assistant occupation was founded on this principal- to serve the medically underserved.

 

After all, the physician assistant occupaton.... one principle: to service the medically.

 

Therefore, these experiences I have accrued throughout college and during my Peace Corps service have been not only motivators to enter the PA profession but are also contributors to the attributes I believe will one day allow me to become an extraordinary PA.

 

 

Get rid of therefore. "The experiences I have accrued throughout my life have not only motivated me .... PA profession, but have also contributed to..."

[LTC 526]

Wow, thank you both so much for taking the time to read this and to make your suggestions! I really appreciate your valuable input and I will definitely alter it accordingly. Thank you!!!