Inspiring PA Story https://jennifer-mcintyre.com/military-women-cpt-lyons-white/#comment-31

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Military Women: CPT Lyons-White

In Personal Project, Portrait by Jennifer McIntyreAugust 30, 201618 Comments

I come from a very broken home.  Frankly I don’t remember a whole lot of my upbringing until I was twenty years old. I have no photo albums or baby clothes.  No school pictures.

My father served for about 14 years before he was discharged from the Army during the downsizing after the gulf war.  What seemed like a normal upbringing went completely left after that. We moved from Fort Hood TX to Racine, WI when I was about 8 or 9 years old.  My mother and my father dealt with alcohol and drug use.  My mother was very violent and abusive. When I was about 11, my parents separated.  She kept my baby brother with her and sent my sister and me to New Jersey to live with someone who she said was our Uncle.  Come to find out later on, he really wasn’t a relative, just a friend of her side of the family.

But she knew that he had these tendencies, and she sent us there anyway. Later down the line, she signed guardianship paperwork in exchange for an unspecified amount of money.  That’s right, I was sold.

My sister and myself were subjected to emotional, physical and sexual abuse for more than 8 years. My guardian’s wife had an idea of what was happening.  When I was fifteen she pulled me to the side and told me, “If you get pregnant, I’m not helping you”. Besides my sister, that was the extent of my family support.  My sister and I cleaved to each other as much as we could, but we were kept constantly separated. The only times we could ever interact was in school, or when doing chores right after school.  Besides music, the only real positive moments I remember is salsa dancing with my sister in the living-room.  Sometimes we would get in trouble because we would spend so much time dancing that by the time our guardians would get home, nothing would be done! Music and dance was life to us. Still is.

I remember struggling socially in school.  Orchestra and band was the only time that I actually felt human, and other than that was a lot of awkward interactions.  On top of what I was dealing with at home, interactions with people were terrifying because I was constantly told that everyone wanted to hurt me, and that I was just something for people to poke fun at.  I was “allowed” to have a boyfriend in high-school, but all of my interactions were rehearsed. I was told what to say and what to do. Even when to break up. I was never really allowed to be myself, I was essentially taught to be afraid of exploring my own personality. I was taught that who I was as an individual was inadequate.

Fast forward to high-school graduation and on to college, I was 19.  It wasn’t until I was actually allowed to have distance from the situation that I realized what was, and had happened. And started to think about ways to escape.  The fear of living on my own was etched into my brain and I struggled with it. I had believed at that time my sister was far gone, on drugs or what have you, He (my guardian) told me that to keep me compliant, and solidified my fear of frankly living.  I reunited with her and met a guy; they saved my life.  I left college… more like abandoned.  I didn’t go back to my dorm to clear it because I was afraid my guardian would find me there because every time I tried to get away, he would catch me.

January 2002. I was 20, I called my dad up and told him I needed a place to stay.  He didn’t really understand what was happening, and I wasn’t really ready to tell.  I feel like he assumed that I had left college for “some boy”, but I let him go for that because I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him.  He sat me down when I moved in and asked me what I wanted to do with my life.

Regardless of what occurred, I understood that I wanted to go back to college, but on my own terms.  He asked me about the military, I quickly told him I was not interested. He told me we would revisit in about nine months.

I was working two jobs and saved a year of tuition to go to a community college.  In September, my dad sat me down and asked me about my plan.  I told him that I had a year of tuition saved and wanted to back to college, and that I needed a place to stay. He told me that I had to join the military or move out.  I was devastated.  Humiliation sunk further in when my boyfriend’s family wanted to support me.  But, at this time I just felt like I had to do whatever I needed to alone without anyone’s help.

So, I enlisted.  And although I was hurt of what I perceived then to be my father’s rejection of me, I had listened to what he said, and decided to go in serving with a plan to grow and excel in whatever I touch.

I always had an interest in medicine so when they told me that the only thing available at the time was Combat Medic, I assumed it was kismet and went for it.

At my first duty station, I worked in an Emergency Room and my love of medicine and taking care of Soldiers solidified.  Leadership that showed interest in seeing me grow surrounded me.  The Army became my family.  Doctors told me to look into becoming a PA, but I had no college transcripts to show.  So I started from scratch.

It took me more than 5 years to apply to PA school. I didn’t get in the first time, but I got in after my second submission.  Getting through the inter-service physician assistant program (IPAP) was tough.  I even recycled once, got recommended for relief TWICE!!!  but I pushed through. I commissioned and earned my credentials.

Now I’m living the dream. But, I am not done.   I currently hold three degrees and I am working on my Doctorate in Education with a curriculum and instruction emphasis.  I would also like to specialize in emergency medicine.

I acknowledge that I am a lady, just a little rough around the edges. I’m still socially awkward, but I am happy, and fun-loving. I still pick up my violin and salsa dance in my living room like I used to when I was younger.  I live life on my own terms, and I let no person define who I should be or how I should express myself.  I’m completely okay with who I am, and not ashamed of my life experiences because without them, I don’t think I would be where or who I am now. And frankly, I believe I’m a little badass.

There are a few things I remind myself consistently:

1)   Turn those stumbling blocks into stepping-stones.  I have had my share of failures, but I constantly take time to think about what went wrong and I decide to grow from it. And despite the skinned knees and boo-boo’s in the process, continue to push through it.

2)   You don’t have to play the cards that you were dealt.  I was dealt a pretty crappy hand early in life.  F*** those cards.  If you want a different hand don’t be afraid to go out there and make your own. You can change your path.

3)   Regardless of who or what hurt you, the earth still spins.  Healing takes time, but don’t keep yourself down.  Since life continues to drive on regardless, you should too.

4.) If you really want something, just go for it. Just don’t focus on how large the task is because it will deter you from starting.   Focus on the small steps needed to get there. It’s better to know you’ve tried something and failed than to live with the “what if”. Don’t let anyone define your capabilities. Go find out for yourself.

 

 

 

 

[LKPAC]

What a great story.  Thank you for sharing.

 

To Capt Lyons-White:  If you see this, your story is very inspiring.  I salute you.  

[jcash]

Wow! What an inspiration! I admire her courage and perseverance! Thank you for sharing

 

 

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