2nd draft - reapplicant - will help others

[Caroline1]

Im still struggling with the conclusion so any advice with that is greatly appreciated. Also, If any one can provide advice on how to include volunteer work that I have done, I would love you forever. I volunteer alot in organizations centered around kid's with disabilities. Specifically, my sister created an organization called Samantha's Purpose back in 2006 (named after my niece who was diagnosed with CP). I want to try and tie it in but I haven't been able to figure out where. Thanks for the help in advance. Let me know if you need help with editing with your and I'll look at it.

 

It was late in the summer when I got the phone call. It was Janelle Griffith, the physician assistant I had been shadowing for the past few months. Surgery would be in two hours, and she needed to know if I could be there to observe. The surgery would be more personal this time because she was operating on Charlie, a young man with cerebral palsy. I have cared for my niece Samantha, who has cerebral palsy, for the better part of ten years, and this personal connection was what made this surgery something I would not miss. I watched intently for three hours as Janelle collaborated with the attending surgeon to decide and execute the best way to remove and stabilize a rod from Charlie’s right leg. As interesting as the surgery was, what happened during the post-op period was what really left an impression on me. Because the patient was nonverbal, Janelle had asked Charlie’s mother to teach her the common gestures and sign language he understood before the operation started. She also made a point to do her paperwork near his bed so that when he awoke, a familiar face would greet him. She demonstrated how healing is not merely a physical process, but one that requires emotional support and empathy as well. This kind of passion for quality health care is what drives me to become a PA.

 

I met Janelle through my current job at Florida Medical Clinic. As a medical assistant (MA) floater, I am given the opportunity to work under many different types of health care providers, including PAs. My job requires me to know and understand numerous specialties, along with the terminology, testing, and procedures specific to that office. Working in a different office almost every day shines light on the similarities each office shares. Although personalities, responsibilities, and the flow of the office might differ from day to day, each patient is the same in that they want the same thing from those caring for them — quality time. With an education mirroring that of a medical doctor, I would have the knowledge needed to care for patients, but also the time and liberty needed to provide the compassionate care they are all entitled to.

 

My desire to become a health care provider was shaped by my internship in USF's highly regarded Medical Student Internship Program at Florida Hospital. During the summer before my senior year, I did rotations as an assistant to several doctors in a wide variety of specialties. The most significant experience was when I worked with Dr. Umstead, an ob/gyn — I had the privilege of delivering five babies. Three of the babies had natural births, but one of our patients, Emily, was pregnant with twins and required an emergency C-section. The doctor allowed me to step into the position of a surgical PA, and I was able to assist with the surgery and delivery. Collaborating with the surgical team and working together to save Emily and the twins was the defining moment when I knew I was going to pursue a career as a physician assistant.

 

Since that decision, I have worked hard to correct the immature mistakes I made during my earlier undergraduate career when I did not yet know what it was I wanted to pursue. Since that day, I have accrued over 4,000 hours of patient care experience, increased my GPA, acquired PA shadowing hours, and become nationally certified as a medical assistant.

[lauren7409]

Hi caroline,

 

Your essay overall is pretty solid for a rough draft. I think you highlight your medical assisting career well and it definitely shows qualities that would make you a good PA. Also, maybe right after you mention those qualities of MA talk about your volunteering experience (that would be a good place). Talk about how this impacts your desire to be a PA and how the patience and compassion needed to care for children with disabilities is the same kind of patience all PAs need to deal with any patient  and now you have that.  I think the OBGYN examples should be more toward the beginning of your essay. You want to tell them why you want to be a PA and follow it up with examples that prove that and show why your the best choice. The conclusion seems to be one of the bigger struggles. Touch on the points from each paragraph and find a way to connect them, especially the stories used.

 

1. Great voice and structure

 

2.  right after you talk about MA talk about volunteer work

 

3. Your conclusion needs to wrap everything up.

[clarkc825]

I may be completely wrong but isn't it illegal to do the work of a PA and first assist without being licensed?   It kind of sounds like you were already able to do the work of a PA without any of the trials and sacrifices it took Pas to get where they are (just my opinion).

 

 

Other than that I think your experiences are amazing and with a few minor tweaks it will be a great personal statement!