New to forums... Thoughts on narrative please! :D

[Mara]

Hello everyone!

Well this is my first time on a forum... my bf is always using them so when I was having trouble with my personal statement, he suggested I look for a PA forum and so here I am. lol

Below I have pasted a rough draft of my personal narrative as it is so far. If u could please take time to read it and let me know what you think of it (in regards to proofreading, my direction, etc), I would VERY MUCH appreciate it. :D Please keep in mind that it is unfinished, especially the last paragraph which I know is incomplete. I would really love some help on how I should sum it all up if possible. I am open to any suggestions! :) :)

Anyways, THANK YOU!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Growing up, it seemed that being interested in the medical field meant that one would be forced to become either a doctor or a nurse, and not much else. However, I never really felt like either of those positions was a right fit for me. It was not until my sophomore year in college that I learned there was an abundance of paths I could take in my career, which was when I discovered the "physician assistant". Working as a phlebotomist at University of Miami Hospital has proven to me that opportunities in the healthcare industry are infinite. I have learned about numerous health careers and specialties, some of which I was previously not familiar with. It was also through phlebotomy that I had the opportunity to befriend a PA at my hospital, and when I realized that my character and personality match perfectly with the PA career.

One morning, I was drawing blood from a patient when a physician assistant walked into the room. She proceeded to introduce herself and to ask the patient questions in regards to her medical history as well as her current symptoms. As I observed the PA then moving on to examine the patient's abdomen, visualizing myself in her position seemed effortless for me to do. Shortly after, I took the opportunity to speak to her in regards to her decision to become a PA and how it has affected her. She mentioned to me that she absolutely loved being a PA, and encouraged me to continue to pursue the career if I felt it was right for me. After our conversation, she rejoined her team of physicians and other PAs to report on the progress of their patients. Having observed her interacting independently with the patient as well as with her team has convinced me that if ever there is a career that fit my personality, this is it.

I enjoy the idea of being part of a physician-PA team. I can easily envision myself being the liaison between patient and doctor. Though I am able to work very well independently, I understand the value and importance of working together as a team to provide the best possible care for the patient. I am a critical thinker and dynamic in how I approach situations; I am humble, personable, and a team player. I am my greatest critic, and whenever I begin something I like to see it through. Through my experiences as a phlebotomist, I have seen the significance of how every profession relies on their team members and supporting departments.

[Dondoro88]

I think you need to reorganize it to make the flow better.

 

It's not clear why nurse or doctor wasn't a "good fit"

 

Remember there is a character limit on the essay and you're repeating the "number of paths available" idea

 

Also, the situation you described is a bit vague and doesn't reflect exactly why you want to be a PA. I could say I viewed a Dr, Nurse or MA interacting with a patient and fell in love with their respective careers.

[Just Steve]

So I know you're a phlebotomist, a team player, your own hardest critic, and watched a PA chat up a patient one time. You chatted the PA up a bit, asked a couple of questions, watched them give report to the team, and now you're all set? There seems to be HUGE holes in your life...how do I know you are a team player besides you telling me? What makes you a critical thinker? What sort of dynamic situations have you been in to show me that you are ready for the rigors of PA school and profession?

 

Right now, as it stands, it reads like you are a person caught in a dead end job and desperate to move up the career ladder. You are writing essays dropping key words that you think AdComs want to read when in fact, you illustrated how little you have done in your deliberation/investigative process. Everyone is a dynamic, team playing, critical thinker who talked to a PA after envisioning being in their shoes. You need to set yourself apart. Calling PAs a go between for the patient/doctor and being a phlebotomist isn't enough to do that.

[sek6718]

I agree completely with Just Steve's post. You narrative is not showing anything about you. Everything you said was general statements with no real depth to them. When you talked about your interaction with the PA it made it seem like this was the only experience you have had with the physician assistant profession. Your narrative just did not do a great job of convincing me you really want to be a physician assistant.