Any suggestions/critiques on my Personal Statment?

[sweetdion]

Any critiques are greatly appreciated!

 

 

Growing up, I never saw the inside of a hospital or doctor's office unless it was an emergency. It was not because I was always healthy—it was because my family could not afford health insurance and my mother was to proud to apply for medicaid. I do not resent my mother for her decision. Everything that has happened in my life has taught me something and confirmed to me that helping people is my calling. I grew up in a single parent home with three siblings. My biological father was in prison from when I was aged 2 to 19. While it would have been easy for me to go down my father's same path, I wanted a different route. I felt that I should deviate from the norm. I have desired to be in health care since I was four years old. I remember attempting to make medicine out of grass by smashing it in a bowl and feeding it to my younger sister when she had a stomach ache, in hopes of curing her. I truly thought that those “herbs” could heal her.

 

 

My passion to learn eventually led me to become the first of my family to matriculate into a major university. I felt drawn to major in biological sciences, an area which has interested me the most since before I even knew what majoring in college meant. I studied Spanish and pursued my interest in the Latino culture by volunteering at a hospital in Guatemala my sophomore year. These experiences allowed me to see my life from a new perspective. I realized that money was not needed to live a happy life. While students on the trip with me complained as we walked back to our home in the rain, I watched as a mother and daughter laugh as they jumped in the puddles. In Guatemala, I improved my Spanish and learned to appreciate diversity.

 

 

I watched on as a doctor explained to a male patient that he had secondary syphilis. I noticed that despite his situation, he had an astonishing amount of spirit and hope. He and I were not much different from each other. We had both been in bad situations but saw a brighter side and made our way through our problems. We had a conversation one day as his penicillin IV was being changed. In my broken Spanish, I told him that like me, if he kept hope alive, he would make it through his trials. I realized that my experiences had given me an ability to understand and inspire under served people. This motivated me to continue volunteering at different hospitals and community programs for the past four years.

 

 

After spending all of my childhood life below the poverty line, my main desire is to serve under served patient populations. Every time I saw patients in Guatemala suffering due to a lack of care and funds or insufficient knowledge of their disease, my desire to care and educate people about their illnesses grew stronger.

 

 

As a freshman, I had no idea what role I wanted to take in health care, I only knew I desired to save lives. I researched the physician assistant profession while in a summer enrichment program at LSU Health Sciences Center in Shreveport and remember the exact moment that I learned of this profession and the excitement that I felt about it. I was sure that I wanted to be a physician assistant and there was no other option for me. From then on, I have pushed myself to be the best potential physician assistant that I can be.

 

 

I desire to become a physician assistant because I enjoy life long learning, working in a health care team, and balancing my family life with my career. Many people ask me why I want to be a physician assistant instead of a physician and my answer is always the same. I desire to become a physician assistant because I want the option to learn different medical specialties, to teach, or to do research with the flexibility changing my specialty without having to go back to school. Not to mention, the ability to get a degree in a shorter amount of time, and be able to start a family sooner. As a physician assistant I would be able to touch lives, connect with patients, and use my medical knowledge in a clinical setting without having to invest the years and costs of training that it would take to become a physician. I have seen how physician assistants work in the ER and take control when treating patients and only consult physicians when they are stumped and need help. I have also seen how a physician overseeing a physician assistant does not have as close of a relationship with the patient. The experiences I have had moved me and reassured to me that a career as a physician assistant is the best decision for me.

 

 

I know that the struggles that I have seen in my life have given me the strength to face adversity and accomplish the seemingly impossible. The experiences that I've had have made me aware that people benefit most from caring providers who take the time to talk to them despite their financial situation. Becoming a physician assistant will allow me to be intellectually stimulated, help those who are suffering, and be very involved in my family life. I am certain that I will be a devoted physician assistant given the wisdom I have gained from all of my life experiences and I hope that you will help me continue on my journey.

[sweetdion]

from just looking at my personal statement...I see too many "experiences".

[sweetdion]

Good? Bad? Ugly?

[kismet]

Here's what helped me with mine: after numerous drafts, I read mine out loud and recorded it, then played it back.

While listening to it, some statements I had written made absolutely no sense when I heard it back so I and made corrections, while others were very clear and concise.

After yet another draft, I completed my PS and was very satisfied with my final draft.

Just a suggestion!

[alleycat]

mother was to proud to apply....too

I have also seen how a physician overseeing a physician assistant does not have as close of a relationship with the patient.

ah...this sentence stopped my reading ...cold. I think it depends on which doc/which pa. and has a whiff of dis'ing the docs. i'd lose it.

 

Growing up, this whole paragraph I would rework , making it more condensed...and cut out the ..."resent" part. I never saw the inside of a hospital or doctor's office unless it was an emergency. It was not because I was always healthy—it was because my family could not afford health insurance and my mother was to proud to apply for medicaid. I do not resent my mother for her decision. Everything that has happened in my life has taught me something and confirmed to me that helping people is my calling. I grew up in a single parent home with three siblings. My biological father was in prison from when I was aged 2 to 19. While it would have been easy for me to go down my father's same path, I wanted a different route. I felt that I should deviate from the norm. this stmt following your descptn of your dad, makes me think that HE is the norm and you are going to deviate from his norm. I have desired to be in health care since I was four years old. I remember attempting to make medicine out of grass by smashing it in a bowl and feeding it to my younger sister when she had a stomach ache, in hopes of curing her. I truly thought that those “herbs” could heal her. i really liked this anticdote.

My passion to learn eventually led me to become the first of my family to matriculate into a major university. I felt drawn to major in biological sciences, an area which has interested me the most since before I even knew what majoring in college meant. I studied Spanish and pursued my interest in the Latino culture by volunteering at a hospital in Guatemala my sophomore year. These experiences allowed me to see my life from a new perspective. I realized that money was not needed to live a happy life. While students on the trip with me complained as we walked back to our home in the rain, I watched as a mother and daughter laugh as they jumped in the puddles. In Guatemala, I improved my Spanish and learned to appreciate diversity. liked the puddle jumping...shows a softer side of you.

 

 

 

After spending all of my childhood life below the poverty line, this sentence could serve as the summary of your 1st paragraph

 

main desire is to serve under served patient populations. Every time I saw patients in Guatemala suffering due to a lack of care and funds or insufficient knowledge of their disease, my desire to care and educate people about their illnesses grew stronger. I would try to do para with all guatemala references, or at least most, together... pare down the comparison of you and syphillis pt

 

 

 

I realized that my experiences had given me an ability to understand and inspire under served (one word ) people. This motivated me to continue volunteering at different hospitals and community programs for the past four years. liked this motivation reference

My passion to learn eventually led me to become the first of my family to matriculate into a major university. I felt drawn to major in biological sciences, an area which has interested me the most since before I even knew what majoring in college meant.

I studied Spanish and pursued my interest in the Latino culture by volunteering at a hospital in Guatemala my sophomore year. These experiences allowed me to see my life from a new perspective this para has two major themes of your overall PS. possibly three. I'd put the themes with the bulk of each's own para. e.g. college/majors, guatemala, bio sci.

 

 

I know that the struggles that I have seen in my life have given me the strength to face adversity and accomplish the seemingly impossible. The experiences that I've had have made me aware that people benefit most from caring providers who take the time to talk to them despite their financial situation. Becoming a physician assistant will allow me to be intellectually stimulated, help those who are suffering, and be very involved in my family life. I am certain that I will be a devoted physician assistant given the wisdom I have gained from all of my life experiences and this para sounds good, well worded, personal, sets goals. nice finish to the PS