PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review my essay. I welcome any suggestions!

[swright11]

This is 2nd draft.

Thanks for reviewing my essay and offering your opinions! I appreciate it!!!

 

Everyone has a story and mine is a huge factor in my pursuit to become a physician assistant. Growing up, trips to the hospital were a regular part of my daily life because the two most important men in my life were hospitalized for extended periods of time. My father suffered a life altering stroke and to this day requires around the clock care and my grandpa suffered from Cancer. For this reason, the hospital has always been a place of comfort and for me. I was not the kid afraid of going to the doctor. I was the kid that secretly played with the instruments and marveled at it all. My personal experiences compel me to help others and knowing first-hand the effect that medical professionals have on peoples’ lives compels me to do this in the medical field.

 

In high school I recognized my enjoyment for the systematic approach of science and how applicable it is to everyday life. This fostered my interest in the medical field, as it is a good balance of science and the human aspect. I was introduced to the Physician Assistant field by my primary care physician, Dr. Duran MD, and was instantly intrigued. As I began to learn more about the Physician Assistant field from other health students and professionals, I learned of the amount of hard work and dedication it takes. I was determined to have a career in the medical field so I began searching for colleges that would allow me to achieve my goal.

 

My undergraduate education at Cornell College has provided me with the skill necessary for the demands of Physician Assistant School. Cornell College academics are rigorous, fast paced, and challenging. I was first and foremost a student but athletics allowed me to become a better leader, stay involved in the community, be an ambassador for Cornell, and learn how to work well with others to accomplish a common goal. Playing volleyball, softball, working, and pursuing a degree in Biochemistry and Psychology made student life more challenging at times and my struggle in Organic chemistry II is a testimony to this. I learned just how quickly you can go downhill in a class at Cornell. Within a six day period I went from passing to failing. I felt defeated but more determined than ever to overcome this challenge. After taking the class again and receive an above average grade, I felt a sense of accomplishment. From this experience, I learned how to better prioritize and stay on task, the value of good studying habits, and what you can achieve with hard work. Although I have stumbled a bit, I haven’t let it stop me from pursuing my goal of become a Physician Assistant.

 

There are some key experiences that have helped solidify my interest in becoming a Physician Assistant. In the Anatomy and Physiology class I took at Cornell College, we acted as medical investigators on hypothetical cases. We had to diagnosis and devise a treatment plan. Following extensive research, we presented our case to the class. Specifically, this experience advanced my skills to decipher medical jargon and present information to the average person. Because this is what medical professionals are constantly doing, having an early experience like this will help in a PA program, especially during clinical rotations. My interest in science, however, extends beyond this. During my senior research project, I worked with two other students examining intragenomic DNA variation within the coral genome. We developed a new protocol and decided what experiments we wanted to perform. I take pleasure in the more research side of the field while closely working with others to solve a problem. The Physician Assistant field is similar in that way.

 

During my job shadowing opportunity at the family clinic in Mount Vernon, IA, I got a glimpse into what I aim to be. I especially liked the team atmosphere, the range of patients the PAs were able to care for, and how personable the job allows one to be. This is definitely an environment I foresee in my future. The more I learn about the field from professionals and PA students, the more I know that I am a good. I’m analytical, hard working, self-less, determined, and passionate, some of the qualities an aspiring PA should possess.

 

I understand that the path to becoming a Physician Assistant will be challenging, but my past experiences, my studies in Biochemistry and Psychology, as well as my passion and commitment to my future have prepared me for the intense academics I expect to experience in a Physician Assistant program. This is my dream and I will continue to strive after it. I’m ready for this, am confident in my abilities, and could not image a career in anything else.

[swright11]

This is 2nd draft.

Thanks for reviewing my essay and offering your opinions! I appreciate it!!!

 

Everyone has a story and mine is a huge factor in my pursuit to become a physician assistant. Growing up, trips to the hospital were a regular part of my daily life because the two most important men in my life were hospitalized for extended periods of time. My father suffered a life altering stroke and to this day requires around the clock care and my grandpa suffered from Cancer. For this reason, the hospital has always been a place of comfort and for me. I was not the kid afraid of going to the doctor. I was the kid that secretly played with the instruments and marveled at it all. My personal experiences compel me to help others and knowing first-hand the effect that medical professionals have on peoples’ lives compels me to do this in the medical field.

 

In high school I recognized my enjoyment for the systematic approach of science and how applicable it is to everyday life. This fostered my interest in the medical field, as it is a good balance of science and the human aspect. I was introduced to the Physician Assistant field by my primary care physician, Dr. Duran MD, and was instantly intrigued. As I began to learn more about the Physician Assistant field from other health students and professionals, I learned of the amount of hard work and dedication it takes. I was determined to have a career in the medical field so I began searching for colleges that would allow me to achieve my goal.

 

My undergraduate education at Cornell College has provided me with the skill necessary for the demands of Physician Assistant School. Cornell College academics are rigorous, fast paced, and challenging. I was first and foremost a student but athletics allowed me to become a better leader, stay involved in the community, be an ambassador for Cornell, and learn how to work well with others to accomplish a common goal. Playing volleyball, softball, working, and pursuing a degree in Biochemistry and Psychology made student life more challenging at times and my struggle in Organic chemistry II is a testimony to this. I learned just how quickly you can go downhill in a class at Cornell. Within a six day period I went from passing to failing. I felt defeated but more determined than ever to overcome this challenge. After taking the class again and receive an above average grade, I felt a sense of accomplishment. From this experience, I learned how to better prioritize and stay on task, the value of good studying habits, and what you can achieve with hard work. Although I have stumbled a bit, I haven’t let it stop me from pursuing my goal of become a Physician Assistant.

 

There are some key experiences that have helped solidify my interest in becoming a Physician Assistant. In the Anatomy and Physiology class I took at Cornell College, we acted as medical investigators on hypothetical cases. We had to diagnosis and devise a treatment plan. Following extensive research, we presented our case to the class. Specifically, this experience advanced my skills to decipher medical jargon and present information to the average person. Because this is what medical professionals are constantly doing, having an early experience like this will help in a PA program, especially during clinical rotations. My interest in science, however, extends beyond this. During my senior research project, I worked with two other students examining intragenomic DNA variation within the coral genome. We developed a new protocol and decided what experiments we wanted to perform. I take pleasure in the more research side of the field while closely working with others to solve a problem. The Physician Assistant field is similar in that way.

 

During my job shadowing opportunity at the family clinic in Mount Vernon, IA, I got a glimpse into what I aim to be. I especially liked the team atmosphere, the range of patients the PAs were able to care for, and how personable the job allows one to be. This is definitely an environment I foresee in my future. The more I learn about the field from professionals and PA students, the more I know that I am a good. I’m analytical, hard working, self-less, determined, and passionate, some of the qualities an aspiring PA should possess.

 

I understand that the path to becoming a Physician Assistant will be challenging, but my past experiences, my studies in Biochemistry and Psychology, as well as my passion and commitment to my future have prepared me for the intense academics I expect to experience in a Physician Assistant program. This is my dream and I will continue to strive after it. I’m ready for this, am confident in my abilities, and could not image a career in anything else.

[bgdog]

The number of drafts that most successful candidates have written are many, 10-20 re-writes is not uncommon. I spent about 6 weeks on mine and probably 10 or so re-writes, making big changes in the beginning and smaller changes towards the end. I've had a few trusted people read it and my college proof it.

 

The point being: many hours of sitting at the computer.

 

The fact that this is your 2nd draft, and you didn't even bother to proof-read it says to me that you're just tossing it off in a few hours.

 

Spend some time on it, proof it down to the smallest comma, then post it.

 

Just my opinion, as my favorite poster Contrarian says, your milage may vary.

[bgdog]

The number of drafts that most successful candidates have written are many, 10-20 re-writes is not uncommon. I spent about 6 weeks on mine and probably 10 or so re-writes, making big changes in the beginning and smaller changes towards the end. I've had a few trusted people read it and my college proof it.

 

The point being: many hours of sitting at the computer.

 

The fact that this is your 2nd draft, and you didn't even bother to proof-read it says to me that you're just tossing it off in a few hours.

 

Spend some time on it, proof it down to the smallest comma, then post it.

 

Just my opinion, as my favorite poster Contrarian says, your milage may vary.

[swright11]

Ive had people read over it for proofing, this isn't something that I just sat down for a few hours put together and posted.

So if you have no other input then...thanks

[swright11]

Ive had people read over it for proofing, this isn't something that I just sat down for a few hours put together and posted.

So if you have no other input then...thanks

[Just Steve]

This is 2nd draft.

Thanks for reviewing my essay and offering your opinions! I appreciate it!!!

 

Everyone has a story and mine is a huge factor in my pursuit to become a physician assistant/doctor. Growing up, trips to the hospital were a regular part of my daily life because the two most important men in my life were hospitalized for extended periods of time. My father suffered a life altering stroke and to this day requires around the clock care and my grandpa suffered from Cancer. For this reason, the hospital has always been a place of comfort and for me. I was not the kid afraid of going to the doctor. I was the kid that secretly played with the instruments and marveled at it all. My personal experiences compel me to help others and knowing first-hand the effect that medical professionals have on peoples’ lives compels me to do this in the medical field.

 

In high school I recognized my enjoyment for the systematic approach of science and how applicable it is to everyday life. This fostered my interest in the medical field, as it is a good balance of science and the human aspect. I was introduced to the Physician Assistant /MD field by my primary care physician, Dr. Duran MD, and was instantly intrigued. As I began to learn more about the Physician Assistant/doctor field from other health students and professionals, I learned of the amount of hard work and dedication it takes. I was determined to have a career in the medical field so I began searching for colleges that would allow me to achieve my goal.

 

My undergraduate education at Cornell College has provided me with the skill necessary for the demands of Physician Assistant School/medical school. Cornell College academics are rigorous, fast paced, and challenging. I was first and foremost a student but athletics allowed me to become a better leader, stay involved in the community, be an ambassador for Cornell, and learn how to work well with others to accomplish a common goal. Playing volleyball, softball, working, and pursuing a degree in Biochemistry and Psychology made student life more challenging at times and my struggle in Organic chemistry II is a testimony to this. I learned just how quickly you can go downhill in a class at Cornell. Within a six day period I went from passing to failing. I felt defeated but more determined than ever to overcome this challenge. After taking the class again and receive an above average grade, I felt a sense of accomplishment. From this experience, I learned how to better prioritize and stay on task, the value of good studying habits, and what you can achieve with hard work. Although I have stumbled a bit, I haven’t let it stop me from pursuing my goal of become a Physician Assistant/doctor.

 

There are some key experiences that have helped solidify my interest in becoming a Physician Assistant./doctor In the Anatomy and Physiology class I took at Cornell College, we acted as medical investigators on hypothetical cases. We had to diagnosis and devise a treatment plan. Following extensive research, we presented our case to the class. Specifically, this experience advanced my skills to decipher medical jargon and present information to the average person. Because this is what medical professionals are constantly doing, having an early experience like this will help in a PA program/medical program, especially during clinical rotations. My interest in science, however, extends beyond this. During my senior research project, I worked with two other students examining intragenomic DNA variation within the coral genome. We developed a new protocol and decided what experiments we wanted to perform. I take pleasure in the more research side of the field while closely working with others to solve a problem. The Physician Assistant/medical field is similar in that way.

 

During my job shadowing opportunity at the family clinic in Mount Vernon, IA, I got a glimpse into what I aim to be. I especially liked the team atmosphere, the range of patients the PAs/doctors were able to care for, and how personable the job allows one to be. This is definitely an environment I foresee in my future. The more I learn about the field from professionals and PA/med students, the more I know that I am a good. I’m analytical, hard working, self-less, determined, and passionate, some of the qualities an aspiring PA/doctor should possess.

 

I understand that the path to becoming a Physician Assistant/doctor will be challenging, but my past experiences, my studies in Biochemistry and Psychology, as well as my passion and commitment to my future have prepared me for the intense academics I expect to experience in a Physician Assistant/med school program. This is my dream and I will continue to strive after it. I’m ready for this, am confident in my abilities, and could not image a career in anything else.

 

Some thoughts I had while reading your statement:

1. What I think I know from your PS: you attended a liberal arts college in the midwest where you took one course at a time over approx 3.5 weeks. I think you are young, fresh from college, maybe 22 years old or so. Your grades took a bobble, but you got your stuff together and addressed the problem. You love research, but don't have any paid direct patient contact experience. You were exposed to medicine through your family at an early age and haven't ever really deviated from the sciences. You love research but I have my doubts that you have ever had any intense emotional moments dealing with patients. I understand your family members were sick and that is intense, but in a totally different way. You've played some sports but I didn't see a lot of volunteer experience or community outreach. So outside of shadowing, your depth of experience in human medicine is pretty limited. Is this the message you want your reader to have?

 

2.What does a PA do? How much do you truly understand the profession? Yes, I understand that this is a personal statement, not some report on Physician Assistants but at the same time, I don't see anything your personal history that tells me you have a real rock solid clue of the big picture. Maybe you do, but it doesn't come through in your statement. An example: At one point you compared your teamwork during research with the life of a PA...most PAs that I know of are expected to work independently and only consult when they get stumped. It is not a collaborative action of sitting around a table discussing pt care plans. Good for nursing, not so great for PA/MDs. Yes, it happens, but not on every patient. Perhaps you can re work your point a different way to better highlight your understanding of the profession.

 

3. As you can see, I went through and placed a physician reference beside any PA reference. My point in doing that is that your personal statement appears very generic. You can move a few words around and apply to anything, anywhere. I could have used "nursing" as well, as it applies. It doesn't seem custom fit for any particular school or program. In reading this, it felt like it was a "shotgun approach" where you shoot at a bunch of stuff that all is in one general area and you see what happens. If I was an AdCom member, I would want to see that the applicant applied to MY school and took the time to focus their PS towards MY school...not ANY school. It's a small nuance that can make a difference.

 

Without the rest of your application package which will show gpa, gre, and hours shadowed, I don't get a feeling you are a super strong candidate. Can you convince the reader that you are? You lack health care experience (shadowing doesn't count in my book), you attended a non conventional school with a unique learning environment, I am not sure how you will do in a conventional program (probably pretty well, but I don't know, it hasn't been tested). I didn't see any community outreach. Your statement reads like you want to be a researcher, which PAs are typically not. You list your qualities as "analytical, hard working, self-less, determined, and passionate". If I have a research project that needs a passionate hard working analytical person to oversee who doesn't mind putting their own lives on hold to finish it up in a most self-less manner, you are my "go to person". But if I need a caring, understanding, empathetic, attentive, experienced care provider, you are not on the top of my phone list. Can you change my mind?

 

Some of the ability to swing an interview off of this personal statement will be swayed by what schools you apply to. Personally, I come from a primary care/emergency background and have a soft spot for serving the underserved and rural population. (Yes, I am only a PA student currently, but my background is pretty deep.) So I have bias, so does the school I am attending. If you can find PA schools that love scientists, this PS may be perfect. I just don't know.

 

Good luck

[Just Steve]

This is 2nd draft.

Thanks for reviewing my essay and offering your opinions! I appreciate it!!!

 

Everyone has a story and mine is a huge factor in my pursuit to become a physician assistant/doctor. Growing up, trips to the hospital were a regular part of my daily life because the two most important men in my life were hospitalized for extended periods of time. My father suffered a life altering stroke and to this day requires around the clock care and my grandpa suffered from Cancer. For this reason, the hospital has always been a place of comfort and for me. I was not the kid afraid of going to the doctor. I was the kid that secretly played with the instruments and marveled at it all. My personal experiences compel me to help others and knowing first-hand the effect that medical professionals have on peoples’ lives compels me to do this in the medical field.

 

In high school I recognized my enjoyment for the systematic approach of science and how applicable it is to everyday life. This fostered my interest in the medical field, as it is a good balance of science and the human aspect. I was introduced to the Physician Assistant /MD field by my primary care physician, Dr. Duran MD, and was instantly intrigued. As I began to learn more about the Physician Assistant/doctor field from other health students and professionals, I learned of the amount of hard work and dedication it takes. I was determined to have a career in the medical field so I began searching for colleges that would allow me to achieve my goal.

 

My undergraduate education at Cornell College has provided me with the skill necessary for the demands of Physician Assistant School/medical school. Cornell College academics are rigorous, fast paced, and challenging. I was first and foremost a student but athletics allowed me to become a better leader, stay involved in the community, be an ambassador for Cornell, and learn how to work well with others to accomplish a common goal. Playing volleyball, softball, working, and pursuing a degree in Biochemistry and Psychology made student life more challenging at times and my struggle in Organic chemistry II is a testimony to this. I learned just how quickly you can go downhill in a class at Cornell. Within a six day period I went from passing to failing. I felt defeated but more determined than ever to overcome this challenge. After taking the class again and receive an above average grade, I felt a sense of accomplishment. From this experience, I learned how to better prioritize and stay on task, the value of good studying habits, and what you can achieve with hard work. Although I have stumbled a bit, I haven’t let it stop me from pursuing my goal of become a Physician Assistant/doctor.

 

There are some key experiences that have helped solidify my interest in becoming a Physician Assistant./doctor In the Anatomy and Physiology class I took at Cornell College, we acted as medical investigators on hypothetical cases. We had to diagnosis and devise a treatment plan. Following extensive research, we presented our case to the class. Specifically, this experience advanced my skills to decipher medical jargon and present information to the average person. Because this is what medical professionals are constantly doing, having an early experience like this will help in a PA program/medical program, especially during clinical rotations. My interest in science, however, extends beyond this. During my senior research project, I worked with two other students examining intragenomic DNA variation within the coral genome. We developed a new protocol and decided what experiments we wanted to perform. I take pleasure in the more research side of the field while closely working with others to solve a problem. The Physician Assistant/medical field is similar in that way.

 

During my job shadowing opportunity at the family clinic in Mount Vernon, IA, I got a glimpse into what I aim to be. I especially liked the team atmosphere, the range of patients the PAs/doctors were able to care for, and how personable the job allows one to be. This is definitely an environment I foresee in my future. The more I learn about the field from professionals and PA/med students, the more I know that I am a good. I’m analytical, hard working, self-less, determined, and passionate, some of the qualities an aspiring PA/doctor should possess.

 

I understand that the path to becoming a Physician Assistant/doctor will be challenging, but my past experiences, my studies in Biochemistry and Psychology, as well as my passion and commitment to my future have prepared me for the intense academics I expect to experience in a Physician Assistant/med school program. This is my dream and I will continue to strive after it. I’m ready for this, am confident in my abilities, and could not image a career in anything else.

 

Some thoughts I had while reading your statement:

1. What I think I know from your PS: you attended a liberal arts college in the midwest where you took one course at a time over approx 3.5 weeks. I think you are young, fresh from college, maybe 22 years old or so. Your grades took a bobble, but you got your stuff together and addressed the problem. You love research, but don't have any paid direct patient contact experience. You were exposed to medicine through your family at an early age and haven't ever really deviated from the sciences. You love research but I have my doubts that you have ever had any intense emotional moments dealing with patients. I understand your family members were sick and that is intense, but in a totally different way. You've played some sports but I didn't see a lot of volunteer experience or community outreach. So outside of shadowing, your depth of experience in human medicine is pretty limited. Is this the message you want your reader to have?

 

2.What does a PA do? How much do you truly understand the profession? Yes, I understand that this is a personal statement, not some report on Physician Assistants but at the same time, I don't see anything your personal history that tells me you have a real rock solid clue of the big picture. Maybe you do, but it doesn't come through in your statement. An example: At one point you compared your teamwork during research with the life of a PA...most PAs that I know of are expected to work independently and only consult when they get stumped. It is not a collaborative action of sitting around a table discussing pt care plans. Good for nursing, not so great for PA/MDs. Yes, it happens, but not on every patient. Perhaps you can re work your point a different way to better highlight your understanding of the profession.

 

3. As you can see, I went through and placed a physician reference beside any PA reference. My point in doing that is that your personal statement appears very generic. You can move a few words around and apply to anything, anywhere. I could have used "nursing" as well, as it applies. It doesn't seem custom fit for any particular school or program. In reading this, it felt like it was a "shotgun approach" where you shoot at a bunch of stuff that all is in one general area and you see what happens. If I was an AdCom member, I would want to see that the applicant applied to MY school and took the time to focus their PS towards MY school...not ANY school. It's a small nuance that can make a difference.

 

Without the rest of your application package which will show gpa, gre, and hours shadowed, I don't get a feeling you are a super strong candidate. Can you convince the reader that you are? You lack health care experience (shadowing doesn't count in my book), you attended a non conventional school with a unique learning environment, I am not sure how you will do in a conventional program (probably pretty well, but I don't know, it hasn't been tested). I didn't see any community outreach. Your statement reads like you want to be a researcher, which PAs are typically not. You list your qualities as "analytical, hard working, self-less, determined, and passionate". If I have a research project that needs a passionate hard working analytical person to oversee who doesn't mind putting their own lives on hold to finish it up in a most self-less manner, you are my "go to person". But if I need a caring, understanding, empathetic, attentive, experienced care provider, you are not on the top of my phone list. Can you change my mind?

 

Some of the ability to swing an interview off of this personal statement will be swayed by what schools you apply to. Personally, I come from a primary care/emergency background and have a soft spot for serving the underserved and rural population. (Yes, I am only a PA student currently, but my background is pretty deep.) So I have bias, so does the school I am attending. If you can find PA schools that love scientists, this PS may be perfect. I just don't know.

 

Good luck

[Omppu27]

Make sure you mention the name of the program you're applying to. Do not just address them as, "PA school".

[Omppu27]

Make sure you mention the name of the program you're applying to. Do not just address them as, "PA school".

[swright11]

Thanks for the input, never thought about some of the things you mentioned and you brought them to light for me.

Questions...how do I make it personal to a specific school when im applying through CASPA and to a number of schools? So I include all of their names?

[swright11]

Thanks for the input, never thought about some of the things you mentioned and you brought them to light for me.

Questions...how do I make it personal to a specific school when im applying through CASPA and to a number of schools? So I include all of their names?

[bgdog]

Sorry, when I see "the hospital has always been a place of comfort and for me." in the fourth sentence, it completely takes me out of the narrative and I just stop reading. Probably not unlike ADCOMS. Besides, it's a little "unsettling" that you're asking me to take some time to help you out, but you put so little effort into it.

 

Just my opinion.

[bgdog]

Sorry, when I see "the hospital has always been a place of comfort and for me." in the fourth sentence, it completely takes me out of the narrative and I just stop reading. Probably not unlike ADCOMS. Besides, it's a little "unsettling" that you're asking me to take some time to help you out, but you put so little effort into it.

 

Just my opinion.

[swright11]

Sorry, when I see "the hospital has always been a place of comfort and for me." in the fourth sentence, it completely takes me out of the narrative and I just stop reading. Probably not unlike ADCOMS. Besides, it's a little "unsettling" that you're asking me to take some time to help you out, but you put so little effort into it.

 

Just my opinion.

 

Thanks for your opinion but please dont discredit the amount of effect I put into this. I wouldn't just post something I put together in 2 hrs. If its not good to you, its not good to you-but dont attack me, I didnt ask for people to attack my character and you are. So your comments are not welcome, thanks

[swright11]

Sorry, when I see "the hospital has always been a place of comfort and for me." in the fourth sentence, it completely takes me out of the narrative and I just stop reading. Probably not unlike ADCOMS. Besides, it's a little "unsettling" that you're asking me to take some time to help you out, but you put so little effort into it.

 

Just my opinion.

 

Thanks for your opinion but please dont discredit the amount of effect I put into this. I wouldn't just post something I put together in 2 hrs. If its not good to you, its not good to you-but dont attack me, I didnt ask for people to attack my character and you are. So your comments are not welcome, thanks

[bgdog]

"of effect I put into this"

 

I didn't attack you, if I did you would know it.

 

I just stated my opinion like you asked. If you don't like it, then just ignore it.

[bgdog]

"of effect I put into this"

 

I didn't attack you, if I did you would know it.

 

I just stated my opinion like you asked. If you don't like it, then just ignore it.

[UllrPrincess]

This sentence kind of showed that you haven't proof-read it well enough. "The more I learn about the field from professionals and PA students, the more I know that I am a good.". The problem with posting it for all to see is that people are going to pick it apart.

[UllrPrincess]

This sentence kind of showed that you haven't proof-read it well enough. "The more I learn about the field from professionals and PA students, the more I know that I am a good.". The problem with posting it for all to see is that people are going to pick it apart.

[IdahoPA]

As usual, Just Steve made an eloquent critique that I whole-heartedly agree with. I would add: I also found the statement "and this is why I find hospitals comforting" to be jarring. Probably because you describe your relatives' health problems then transition to the site of suffering being a happy place for you. You could see why that would make a reader pause. Also, generic subjects like biochemistry, cancer and physician assistant programs aren't capitalized. I don't know why people feel the need to mention a less-than-perfect grade on their narrative. A narrative is your chance to sell yourself to a selection committee. They already have your grades; if they have an issue, they can ask you. Why mar your selling points with a negative if it really doesn't contribute? Maybe if your bad GRADES for a semester or two had something to do with medical issues or what not that you overcame, you should address it. Otherwise, you're letting the comm know that you potentially can't handle difficult subjects or it's going to take you a few tries to do so.

Lastly, these papers do generally take more than two takes. Personally, I think I was on at least 12 drafts. I had everyone I could sucker into it read it. (Though I sent it off before I learned of this site...pity!) Posting a young draft on a public forum means you're gonna get a lot of criticism. Don't take it personally. Try re-working it to give the selection people a very strong idea of who YOU are and why they should choose you from 1000 other candidates who all say the same thing. Good luck!!

[IdahoPA]

As usual, Just Steve made an eloquent critique that I whole-heartedly agree with. I would add: I also found the statement "and this is why I find hospitals comforting" to be jarring. Probably because you describe your relatives' health problems then transition to the site of suffering being a happy place for you. You could see why that would make a reader pause. Also, generic subjects like biochemistry, cancer and physician assistant programs aren't capitalized. I don't know why people feel the need to mention a less-than-perfect grade on their narrative. A narrative is your chance to sell yourself to a selection committee. They already have your grades; if they have an issue, they can ask you. Why mar your selling points with a negative if it really doesn't contribute? Maybe if your bad GRADES for a semester or two had something to do with medical issues or what not that you overcame, you should address it. Otherwise, you're letting the comm know that you potentially can't handle difficult subjects or it's going to take you a few tries to do so.

Lastly, these papers do generally take more than two takes. Personally, I think I was on at least 12 drafts. I had everyone I could sucker into it read it. (Though I sent it off before I learned of this site...pity!) Posting a young draft on a public forum means you're gonna get a lot of criticism. Don't take it personally. Try re-working it to give the selection people a very strong idea of who YOU are and why they should choose you from 1000 other candidates who all say the same thing. Good luck!!