uscbigdawg Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Steve Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Looks like you rocked it to me. Nicely done. Where are you applying to? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IdahoPA Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 As a former military medic, let me first say congrats and thank you. We were stationed next to flight medics during our deployment and they were great people. Overall, fantastic. Just a few tweaks, though. The plural of PAs is such, not PA's. 1st paragraph: "I was excited..." Eliminate the comma after "priorities of my youth." I would say "changed who I WAS as a person." Just because it sounds better, not sure which is technically correct. 2nd paragraph: "...and I have to admit..." The last sentence is super long and hard to manage. Can you break it up into two? 3rd paragraph: comma after "peninsula" Delete the common after "supervising me..." I think you mean to say "I was A sponge..." Comma between "and" & "upon garnering..." Comma after "came available..." 4th paragraph: "where upon completion, I was assigned..." You sort of lose me when you talk about flight medics in the third person. You were one of them and should say "we..." Comma after "NATO forces..." 5th paragraph: "that I never TOOK lightly..." Lose the quotes around job. Ok, I know that looks like a lot, but it really isn't. If I had a pen and a copy of your paper it would mostly just be adding or subtracting a few commas. This is one of only 2 papers I've read that I haven't cringed; I enjoyed reading your story. The only thing I would add is maybe explain why PA, rather than MD or RN. Our unit works primarily with PAs as providers and you might have been in a similar situation. Good luck!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uscbigdawg Posted July 16, 2011 Author Share Posted July 16, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nicole.a Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 This PS is a gem. I would want you to be my PA. Good job and good luck with your applications! -Nicole Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uscbigdawg Posted July 17, 2011 Author Share Posted July 17, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Steve Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 I'm applying to schools across the country. My wife and I are taking the opportunity for PA school as a means for us to move to someplace new. Northern California has been great, but we'd also like to try someplace new. Thanks for all comments. They are appreciated. I have a couple of bad habits in my writing and found many of l.a.lewis pointed out last night before hitting the sack. Good luck to you guys. Rich http://www.washington.edu/medicine/som/depts/medex/ put these guys on your list if they are not already. Sounds like you would be a great fit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Steve Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 I'm applying to schools across the country. My wife and I are taking the opportunity for PA school as a means for us to move to someplace new. Northern California has been great, but we'd also like to try someplace new. Thanks for all comments. They are appreciated. I have a couple of bad habits in my writing and found many of l.a.lewis pointed out last night before hitting the sack. Good luck to you guys. Rich http://www.washington.edu/medicine/som/depts/medex/ put these guys on your list if they are not already. Sounds like you would be a great fit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uscbigdawg Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uscbigdawg Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uscbigdawg Posted July 20, 2011 Author Share Posted July 20, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uscbigdawg Posted July 20, 2011 Author Share Posted July 20, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corpsman2PA Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 If it was up to me, I'd be applying there, but we did get married, so she has a say. Rich Think I just heard the whip crack! Just kidding, you know I love you big guy! And I'm rocking Micro at ARC btw...I still have your Coleman videos and some flash cards. I'll get them to you soon I promise! Chris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corpsman2PA Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 If it was up to me, I'd be applying there, but we did get married, so she has a say. Rich Think I just heard the whip crack! Just kidding, you know I love you big guy! And I'm rocking Micro at ARC btw...I still have your Coleman videos and some flash cards. I'll get them to you soon I promise! Chris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uscbigdawg Posted July 20, 2011 Author Share Posted July 20, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uscbigdawg Posted July 20, 2011 Author Share Posted July 20, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Planteater Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 NC is a great place to live, several top PA programs, low cost of living......just wanted to mention it in case you haven't looked into it yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Planteater Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 NC is a great place to live, several top PA programs, low cost of living......just wanted to mention it in case you haven't looked into it yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xiongav Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Hi, there. I just read the first paragraph and thought it was a great attention-grabber. Linking the disastrous tragedy of 9/11 to your change of heart, careerwise. Anyway I would just like to add a few of my suggestions to the paragraph so modify what you will, at your discretion. On the morning of September 11, 2001, I was a young architectural project manager working for the premiere sports architecture firm in the world. -->Should this be the "Premiere Sports Architecture Firm?" What is it renowned for? Is it the best firm in the world compared to others? I also think you may want to describe the event of 9/11 very briefly in the first sentence to better inform your audience. In writing, we cannnot assume that everyone knows the significance of this world-changing event. It was my dream job and (I)? was excited as we had just signed two huge contracts with the New York Yankees and Mets to design their stadiums(.) and (remove "and," begin new sentence or place a semi-colon I was to work on the $1 billion Mets facility. Armed with donuts for my team, everything that had been (was)?important to me changed in an instant that morning (wordy,irrelevent?) and the priorities of my youth, became meaningless. As a result of that day, and coming from a family with a long military service tradition, I sold my house, moved all my belongings to my parents’ home and enlisted in the United States Army as a combat medic. It was here (there/then that I truly witnessed collab..) and seeing truly collaborative medicine and the interaction and coordination between medics, nurses, PA’s and doctors that not only educated me on what my true calling would become, but would ultimately change who I am as a person What happened on 9/11 that made you enlist in the army as a combat medic? S/th you heard, saw, observed? Was it a quality that our "heros" possessed on that day which inspired you? How did the professionals (PA, nurses, etc.) collaborate to the point that it changed who you were or would become? (Usually having specific moments better helps explain these worthy testimonials) Again, these are only my suggestions after reading your introduction paragraph. I think you have good content to work with but it can also be stronger and more cogent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xiongav Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Hi, there. I just read the first paragraph and thought it was a great attention-grabber. Linking the disastrous tragedy of 9/11 to your change of heart, careerwise. Anyway I would just like to add a few of my suggestions to the paragraph so modify what you will, at your discretion. On the morning of September 11, 2001, I was a young architectural project manager working for the premiere sports architecture firm in the world. -->Should this be the "Premiere Sports Architecture Firm?" What is it renowned for? Is it the best firm in the world compared to others? I also think you may want to describe the event of 9/11 very briefly in the first sentence to better inform your audience. In writing, we cannnot assume that everyone knows the significance of this world-changing event. It was my dream job and (I)? was excited as we had just signed two huge contracts with the New York Yankees and Mets to design their stadiums(.) and (remove "and," begin new sentence or place a semi-colon I was to work on the $1 billion Mets facility. Armed with donuts for my team, everything that had been (was)?important to me changed in an instant that morning (wordy,irrelevent?) and the priorities of my youth, became meaningless. As a result of that day, and coming from a family with a long military service tradition, I sold my house, moved all my belongings to my parents’ home and enlisted in the United States Army as a combat medic. It was here (there/then that I truly witnessed collab..) and seeing truly collaborative medicine and the interaction and coordination between medics, nurses, PA’s and doctors that not only educated me on what my true calling would become, but would ultimately change who I am as a person What happened on 9/11 that made you enlist in the army as a combat medic? S/th you heard, saw, observed? Was it a quality that our "heros" possessed on that day which inspired you? How did the professionals (PA, nurses, etc.) collaborate to the point that it changed who you were or would become? (Usually having specific moments better helps explain these worthy testimonials) Again, these are only my suggestions after reading your introduction paragraph. I think you have good content to work with but it can also be stronger and more cogent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
c0untingstars Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 Hey, I don't have any critiques but I did want to say your story is very interesting and caught my eye! Good luck!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
c0untingstars Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 Hey, I don't have any critiques but I did want to say your story is very interesting and caught my eye! Good luck!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uscbigdawg Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 Post deleted. Rich Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alleycat Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 This PS is a gem. I would want you to be my PA. Good job and good luck with your applications!-Nicole I agree nice job. and I.a.Lewis already posted any corrections I could ID. good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawnmclane Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 You have a compelling story. You tied your experiences together with a sense of humility. If you carry the same passion into your interviews, I don't see many schools passing on you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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