findingesper Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 a Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glorious_Ignoramus Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Cut character count by decreasing wordiness. You give a lot of exposition into your personal life about body image, for example. I would completely remove that and simply say that your health declined and it affected your academics. Both the first and second paragraphs read as separate introductions - you could do without one of them completely. Yes, you seem to have a clear view on what a PA is and why it is you are seeking a seat. Your conclusion is strong, I would keep it as is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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