coffee Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Hello, I am considering ending my conclusion paragraph with the sentence: Driven toward a future as a PA, I look forward to knowing more from an insider’s perspective as my education continues. I'm worried this makes it sound like I don't know what the hell I'm getting myself into. Of course, throughout the rest of my statement, I talk about my experiences in the healthcare field, my time shadowing PAs and how those things led me to want to become a PA. But what I am trying to convey with this sentence is "Yes, I want to be a PA. No, I do not KNOW what it's like to BE one, so that's why i am excited to go to PA school - so that I can have the opportunity to fulfill and truly know the role of a PA." Does that make sense? Thoughts? Note: I really dislike the "I look forward to...." part of it as I can sense that is a really cliche phrase to use in a conclusion of a personal statement, but I didn't know how else to phrase it without using too many words. Thank you for your feedback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bfreeskier Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Driven toward a future as a PA, I look forward to knowing more from an insider’s perspective as my education continues. What about: Looking towards a future as a PA, I am driven into knowing more from an insider's perspective as my education evolves Just a thought. I'm not sure if Driven is part of your overall theme of your statement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kris6026 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I think this sentence will make more sense with the rest Of your essay, it is hard to know without seeing the rest. I do understand what you are trying to portray. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffee Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 @Bfreeskier: Ooh, that does avoid the whole "look forward to..." issue I have. The sentence doesn't relate to any theme (except "Why PA" I guess), it's just a general statement I'm thinking about ending on. Thanks for the suggestion! I'll work with it. @kris6026, Haha probably, but I don't feel comfortable posting my entire statement. I just wanted people's general opinion on the sentence, I was hoping it doesn't come off sounding like "I don't know what the hell I'm getting myself into, but I'm gonna go for it" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gere7404 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 If you don't decide to use the phrase in your personal statement, it sounds like it would still be good to save to use when contacting a PA for a potential shadowing opportunity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffee Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 @gere7404, Yes, good point! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyM2 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Personally, I don't like it for the very reason you offered. It's like saying "I look forward to finding out what airline pilots actually do", when applying to become a pilot. You should already know that from your shadowing experience. And you shouldn't be driven. You should be the driver. You could say, "As I prepare for the next step in my career..." Sent from my KFAPWI using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffee Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 Personally, I don't like it for the very reason you offered. It's like saying "I look forward to finding out what airline pilots actually do", when applying to become a pilot. You should already know that from your shadowing experience. And you shouldn't be driven. You should be the driver. You could say, "As I prepare for the next step in my career..." Sent from my KFAPWI using Tapatalk Ah yes, thank you. I just needed one person to confirm that it sounded weird, so I ended up changing the ending sentence. Thanks for the feedback! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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