xaw2610 Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 I have been in the processing of writing my personal statement for the last week, but I think I have hit a point that I am confused about the direction I want/need to take my essay. I am posting what I have thus far. I dont really have anyone close to me to bounce ideas off of, so I welcome the input. Thanx!! When I was five, I was asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" in which I promptly responded, "An alligator skinner!" My inspiration: National Geographic Channel's glorification of hunting large reptiles. As I recall this memory, I vaguely remember the conviction and dedication with which I declared my professional aspiration. I may not have responded with such vehement desire if I knew then what I know now, but at that point, it was the "coolest job" I had been exposed to, albeit through a television. Fast forward about 20 years, through high school, college, military service, and motherhood, I am again asked the same question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" This time, I answer with the same enthusiasm, but from the perspective of a woman with sound knowledge, experience, and maturity; I want to be a physician assistant. I chose to serve in the US Army as a 68WM6, which, in the civilian terms, is a Licensed Practical Nurse (LPN). After successfully completing this training in the top 20% of my class, I was stationed in Seoul, South Korea at 121st Combat Support Hospital, which is now known as Brian Allgood Army Community Hospital. Initially, I was placed in the OB/GYN clinic for 6 months, and then transferred to the Women Infant Care Unit (WICU), a labor, delivery, recovery, and postpartum ward, as a staff LPN for just under two years. This is where I am stuck, and I am not really sure I even like the second paragraph at all. I am trying to come up with a way to use my experience in Korea as an LPN and soldier as qualifying my ability to be a PA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hemegroup Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 Keep at it, it'll come to you ... this is your essay. I must have re-written mine about 10 times or more before I finally amalgamated everything into the perfect (to me) final edit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fyrelight74 Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 Maybe explain some of the things you saw, participated in, or were affected by.... Even certain patients in particular (with no details... HIPAA ya know).... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyMadisonPA Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 Talk about your experience with diverse populations/cultures, and if you worked in an underserved area, emphasize that! They love it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Steve Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 I find it a little wordy. Lots of fluff thrown in taking up expensive real estate. You don't have a lot of room to write since they put a cap on the character count. "When I was five, I was asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" in which I promptly responded, "An alligator skinner!" My inspiration: National Geographic Channel's glorification of hunting large reptiles. As I recall this memory, I vaguely remember the conviction and dedication with which I declared my professional aspiration. I may not have responded with such vehement desire if I knew then what I know now, but at that point, it was the "coolest job" I had been exposed to, albeit through a television. Fast forward about 20 years, through high school, college, military service, and motherhood, I am again asked the same question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" This time, I answer with the same enthusiasm, but from the perspective of a woman with sound knowledge, experience, and maturity; I want to be a physician assistant. I chose to serve in the US Army as a 68WM6, which, in the civilian terms, is a Licensed Practical Nurse (LPN). After successfully completing this training in the top 20% of my class, I was stationed in Seoul, South Korea at 121st Combat Support Hospital, which is now known as Brian Allgood Army Community Hospital. Initially, I was placed in the OB/GYN clinic for 6 months, and then transferred to the Women Infant Care Unit (WICU), a labor, delivery, recovery, and postpartum ward, as a staff LPN for just under two years." Growing up in "insert town/location/situation ie: rural nevada with my 17 brothers" my dream choices of a final career haven't always been conventional. As a young five year old, I knew alligator skinning was for me but as with most things, time tempered the passion down to now a distant curiosity. Replacing the desire to be the next Crocodile Hunter is instead a burning need to continue to help people. The realization that I am destined to become a PA first came to light during my time as an active duty solider working in womens' health as an LPN in Korea. My 2.5 years overseas gave me an indepth look at the field of medicine and helped galvanize my drive to be a life long student of medicine..... insert new stuff here such as: working hand in hand with the Army PAs truly illustrated how they are an integral member of the medical care team. I was impressed and drawn to their ability to be the primary care provider, managing patients during the course of their care, operating with the comfort of support from their physician colleagues should the need arise. Once back stateside I have progressed my medical career by ...... while studying at ......... college earing a 3.8 GPA. I stay active in my local community by volunteering at the local ........ doing ...... What I did there was condense your 10 lines of text to just under half that, but keep that theme of your message that I gathered as a reader. I kept the humor of chasing alligators, let them know you were active duty Army overseas in medicine, and sent the message that you will be a PA, you will always be a student of medicine. By condensing the material though it freed up precious bytes so you have more wiggle room to expand upon yourself and what you have done. Help at all? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xaw2610 Posted May 13, 2011 Author Share Posted May 13, 2011 Actually yes it did... alot, thanx "Just Steve". I finished the other day. If anyone is willing to review the final product I would appreciate it. Let me know and I will PM. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corpsman2PA Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 I think Just Steve has given some great advice. We don't want to be too long winded, without any periods, because then the sentence keeps going on and on (see run-on), without any real structure or flow, and this can cause the reader to miss the point that we started out to achieve at the beginning of our statement, which will be detrimental to our overall capturing of the audience, which isn't what we want our audience to do, because we want them to stay focused and captivated by our words....I think you get the point ;) One of the best pieces of advice is to ensure, and I mean ENSURE that the Adcom CANNOT put down your paper. Imagine writing as if your last 3 sentences were never to be penned. Could they go on without reading it, saying in their minds "that was good, but, eh...?" Or, would they HAVE to invite you for an interview because they're so intrigued about who you are? As you can see from Just Steve's quick improv paragraph, short and sweet, interesting and informative, easy to read, good flow, etc. I bet he had a KILLER PS, and, as I can tell, is a current student. The only thing I'm not sure of, and I think this depends on the person, is repeating all of your job duties in the PS. Maybe Steve can elaborate on this. I have been told that since CASPA (or the programs app) already has the job info, duties, experience sections, to stay away from repeating that information in your PS (or at least keeping it minimal). Instead focusing on true reasons leading up to your PA decision. i.e, the alligator story and things of that sort. Just thoughts, encourage replies! Chris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Steve Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Your answer of "ENSURE that the AdCom CANNOT put down your paper"....I think that hits on a point I like to strive for. Not that I am some brilliant word smith that can prattle on poetically for paragraphs on end but rather I try to provide all the important info about me, to them, on sheet of paper. They have to read ungodly amounts of applications. If each one they have to flip back through the whole application to find out what they did when, then it breaks their concentration when trying to learn who you are, what you have accomplished, how you have prepared. I am not sold on the idea that the AdCom really cares HOW you became inspired. Your inspiration is evident by virtue of your application. Something made it click for you, be it your sick Uncle Ralph or aliens from outer space...it really doesn't matter. What matters is WHAT YOU DID WITH THAT INSPIRATION. "Uncle Ralph was wicked sick for a really long time. We saw lots of people from the hospital, I learned about PA, sounded good to me. I interviewed that PA and 2 of his buddies to learn about the job, I shadowed 2 others for 20 hours a piece. I got a job working as a CNA to learn about medicine and to make sure it works for me, been at that job for 18 months. I've been hanging out volunteering with the local Red Cross/food bank/helping out as an assistant coach with the local little league/captain of my school debate team/boy scout walking bluehairs across the street every Sunday before Temple (all of which shows a tie to the community and willingness to give your time and energy to others).... By delivering the whole package on one sheet of paper so they don't have to flip back and start doing math in their head to figure out "....hmmmm he worked 15 hours a week from April of 2008 to July of 2010...lets see...that's 52 weeks x2 plus...april is the fourth month, july is the 7th, that's three months, 4 weeks per month...12 weeks...12 weeks plus 52 weeks is 64 week, oh wait...it was mid april to early july...minus 2 weeks...62 weeks times 15 hours per week is.....what work did this kid do again?" Making their job easier makes your job (the job of getting into school) much easier. Let them read your PS and when they set it down they know you have volunteered, shadowed, worked, studied hard. You may have been inspired from aliens but that really isn't any different that being inspired from a PA who took a splinter from under your fingernail. (They speak a language we don't always understand, dress funny, and seem distracted by a dozen different things...and we want to be one of them) fixed any holes in your previous application, and that you can communicate in an effective manner, getting your point across quickly but thoroughly (much like presenting a patient to your SP..need to hit your points but not take all day doing it) how is that for a long winded answer? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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