kenzielmonty Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Hey guys! please give this a quick read and let me know what you think! It is my first draft, and I'm not sure how relatable/compelling it is Medicine has played a significant and powerful role in my life from the very beginning. In August of 1993, a routine delivery saw the arrival of two seemingly healthy babies, both with stellar health reports. Nonetheless, at five weeks, I was frantically rushed to the emergency room for a fever; an immediate red flag within pediatrics- a notion with which my mother, a registered nurse, was well versed. Following several blood tests, the doctor hesitantly informed my mom of my condition; E.coli meningitis. The severity of my condition required immediate attention, as it was progressing with rapid speed, but the refusal from physician after physician to treat such a fragile case weighed heavily on my family’s faith. With a newborn twin baby boy at home as well, my mother struggled to maintain a clear head and positive outlook as she expanded her search elsewhere. After months of debate regarding not only how to, but more importantly, who would treat me, my mother finally located a pediatric surgeon that was willing to assess my condition. She arrived at Shands Hospital at the University of Florida in hopes that her worries might be put to ease, her faith the only thing that remained somewhat intact. Ultimately, at thirteen months old, I became the second youngest infant (at that time) to undergo ureter graph and valve replacement, an incredibly complex and precise surgery that, despite the risk taken, saved my life. It is truly incredible how a scar that was made so long ago can provide a lifetime of memory and appreciation for such a remarkable and innovative field. It cannot be overlooked, however, the magnitude of the impact resulting from the single most emotionally challenging event in my life. I am speaking in reference to the death of my grandmother in 2003 from metastatic breast cancer as well as that of my stepfather in 2009. Prior to these challenging events, my perception of medicine was founded solely on the principle that medicine is a scientific, straight-forward, one way approach to “fixing” a physical problem. Through these incredibly difficult times, however, I came to realize what is really required in quality medical care. Good medicine treats the whole person. Good medicine is as much art as it is science. Furthermore, a profession which centers on the assessment and treatment of social, physical, and emotional health is what renders medicine a true art; a learned practice with perfected techniques through the application of experience and interpretation. This was an essential recognition that allowed me to depart from the pain and instead focus my attention toward the larger perspective. I witnessed the remainder of my loved ones lives’ extended in comfort under the guidance and reassurance of the compassionate and skilled healthcare networked team with whom they consulted. They were not just healthcare providers but healers in every sense of the word. The story is much the same; I entered college with consideration of solely MD. It was not until my junior year of undergraduate education that I was considered exploring the duties of a physician assistant. It was the summer of 2014 that I was first introduced to the position and was subsequently able to evaluate my potential options within a previously self-limited health care field. Acquiring a job at a local Oncologist’s office, I was designated as the “administrative assistant” to the physician. At the same time, I was volunteering in the local hospital, and one that worked closely with the Oncology clinic of which I was employed. Consequently, I was able to observe the physician at the clinic and shadow the PA within the hospital setting. With this fortuitous arrangement, I began to contrast and compare the responsibilities and duties of both professions. I was instantly enthralled by the cardinal aspect that drew me to medicine in the first place with my few prior experiences-patient interaction. The physician assistant achieved a patient interaction that felt intimate and comfortable. She was able to facilitate the most efficient communication and interaction-across all specialties-so as to ensure the realization of the pinnacle of patient treatment within the hospital. This is something that I have sought to accomplish from the very start of my exploration of medicine. I strongly desire to continue development and appropriation of the attitude and mindset that I have seen transpire so many times within a medical setting. Ultimately, a physician’s assistant, together with the physician, must delicately intertwine the unique elements of each patient’s history into a treatment considering each avenue of health. It is the responsibility of the physician’s assistant, as I firmly believe, to enhance the efficacy and intricacies of the treatment network through interaction, expertise, and commitment. With this privilege, however, comes great responsibility; one that I have worked to understand on a much more intimate level through the experiences that I have undertaken. As a student within the physician assistant program, I would continue to strive to become a key contributor to the betterment of the community and to improve the lives of those that need it, as I have come to know first-hand the remarkable capabilities of modern medicine. 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Guest PALois Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 ---- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Friction Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Hi @ kenzielmonty. I am more than willing to help with your personal statement! First off, there is one mistake that I believe should be addressed and that is the word is spelled Physician Assistant not Physician's assistant. Make sure to never include the apostrophe in the spelling of the word and when you say the word as you don't want interviews of the admission committee to not admit you based on a mistake like this. As for your essay, it is well written; however, I feel you have made your essay to be too much about your life and illness. Remember an essay is not an autobiography of your life and you should only mention briefly your background without going into in depth detail. The purpose of the personal statement is to tell the admissions committee why you want to be a PA. I have copied and pasted below the "Ask a PA Admissions Director" advice from this forum (if you haven't seen it) on how to write a well written personal statement that is straight to the point and without all the fluff. I hope this helps! Personal Statement Helpful Hints: · Engage the reader and create interest. · Get to the point. There is a character limit for personal statements. One page is usually all it takes to make your point. · Avoid using flowery language and/or big words throughout your statement. · Make sure the statement is structured in a logical order and flows nicely so it is easy to read. · Do not restate your resume. · Incorporate how your healthcare experience and non-healthcare experience (academics, volunteer, and leadership positions) prepared you for PA school. · Be insightful and analytical about your understanding of the role of the PA. Use your clinical experiences to draw this conclusion. · Call out the elephant in the room. If you had a “hiccup” in your academic career, you should BRIEFLY address it (i.e. death in the family, immaturity factor, poor study habits), state what you did to overcome it, and what you have done to sustain an upward trend in your academic performance. · If you have a strong desire to enter a certain field of medicine, explain why. For example, if you want to go into primary care, what have you done to prepare yourself for this field (i.e. clinical experience opportunities, skill sets, are you from a disadvantaged background, etc.), and the challenges PAs face, if any in the particular field. · Have more than one person review your statement. An advisor, career services representative, or a writing center are good resources to utilize. · Avoid contractions. · Avoid acronyms that the common person would not know (this is especially true for military applicants). Qualities to Portray · Maturity · Reflectiveness · Honesty and integrity · Clarity of thought · Passion · Individuality · Positivity · Logic · Distinctiveness · Commitment · Ability to relate to diverse people · Insight into the chosen health profession · Compassion and empathy · Genuineness and sincerity · Leadership · Insightfulness · A realistic perspective · Lessons learned · Self-awareness Themes to Avoid · Clichés: Avoid starting a statement with a famous quote or with cliché’ filler statements like: “I want to be a PA because I like science and I want to help people...” “Ever since I was five I played with my mom/dad’s doctor’s kit..” “I loved to play the game Operation as a child and that sparked my desire to be a PA...” “As I watched my beloved family member pass away, I knew then I wanted to be a PA...” · Restating your resume’: We have already read the majority of your application up to this point, so do not retell your life story again. · Story Time: Limit your personal stories about a patient or incident in the clinic to ONE no more than TWO. The statement should focus more the topics mentioned above. · The “epiphany into medicine”: Your pursuit of the PA profession should be based on your adult experiences up until this point, NOT an instantaneous realization. · Manifest Destiny: You have not always known you want to be a PA and the fact that someone tells you “you’ll make a great PA one day” does not justify why you should be a PA. · Grandiosity: Claiming that you plan to eliminate all the healthcare problems in an area is not realistic and shows a grave lack of understanding of the profession. · The “humble brag”: Of course you’re special, but claiming “you probably do not see many applicants like me” is not only arrogant, but is likely untrue. We’ve seen it all! · Remember your audience: Remember people do have other biases and views that may not agree with yours so avoid controversial topics and statements that could offend someone. Also, remember the admissions committee can be made up of all types of members of the healthcare team. Avoid statements like “I want to be a PA because PAs spend more time with their patients in comparison to physicians.” These types of situations are not always true and you do not want to stereotype an entire profession when you’ve only been around .00000001% of them. · “I am a victim”: Victims are never attractive applicants and any difficulties along the way should be dispassionately addressed. These explanations should be brief and also address what you have done to overcome the situation and what you learned from it. · Excuses: Never, ever blame anyone else for difficulties in your life or academic career. Drhouse, I've asked and received feedback from a number of people on here regarding this, however, I'm of the opinion that the more perspective I can get the better. In any case, I've been mulling over using my experience in AA as a basis for my PS. Not only does it explain my past struggles with school (prior to the military), but it has really driven me to want to help those who have a similar struggle and feel hopelessly lost in addiction. While I believe that my experiences as a Navy Corpsman and an ER Tech make me a competitive candidate, I think doing things like sponsoring newer alcoholics in the program and H&I (taking meetings to those in hospitals and institutions/jails) has don't more to solidify my desire to work as a PA, at least from a humanistic point of view. I'm wondering if there is a way to toe the line without playing the "I'm a victim" card throughout the PS? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kenzielmonty Posted May 14, 2015 Author Share Posted May 14, 2015 Hi @ kenzielmonty. I am more than willing to help with your personal statement! First off, there is one mistake that I believe should be addressed and that is the word is spelled Physician Assistant not Physician's assistant. Make sure to never include the apostrophe in the spelling of the word and when you say the word as you don't want interviews of the admission committee to not admit you based on a mistake like this. As for your essay, it is well written; however, I feel you have made your essay to be too much about your life and illness. Remember an essay is not an autobiography of your life and you should only mention briefly your background without going into in depth detail. The purpose of the personal statement is to tell the admissions committee why you want to be a PA. I have copied and pasted below the "Ask a PA Admissions Director" advice from this forum (if you haven't seen it) on how to write a well written personal statement that is straight to the point and without all the fluff. I hope this helps! Personal Statement Helpful Hints: · Engage the reader and create interest. · Get to the point. There is a character limit for personal statements. One page is usually all it takes to make your point. · Avoid using flowery language and/or big words throughout your statement. · Make sure the statement is structured in a logical order and flows nicely so it is easy to read. · Do not restate your resume. · Incorporate how your healthcare experience and non-healthcare experience (academics, volunteer, and leadership positions) prepared you for PA school. · Be insightful and analytical about your understanding of the role of the PA. Use your clinical experiences to draw this conclusion. · Call out the elephant in the room. If you had a “hiccup” in your academic career, you should BRIEFLY address it (i.e. death in the family, immaturity factor, poor study habits), state what you did to overcome it, and what you have done to sustain an upward trend in your academic performance. · If you have a strong desire to enter a certain field of medicine, explain why. For example, if you want to go into primary care, what have you done to prepare yourself for this field (i.e. clinical experience opportunities, skill sets, are you from a disadvantaged background, etc.), and the challenges PAs face, if any in the particular field. · Have more than one person review your statement. An advisor, career services representative, or a writing center are good resources to utilize. · Avoid contractions. · Avoid acronyms that the common person would not know (this is especially true for military applicants). Qualities to Portray · Maturity · Reflectiveness · Honesty and integrity · Clarity of thought · Passion · Individuality · Positivity · Logic · Distinctiveness · Commitment · Ability to relate to diverse people · Insight into the chosen health profession · Compassion and empathy · Genuineness and sincerity · Leadership · Insightfulness · A realistic perspective · Lessons learned · Self-awareness Themes to Avoid · Clichés: Avoid starting a statement with a famous quote or with cliché’ filler statements like: “I want to be a PA because I like science and I want to help people...” “Ever since I was five I played with my mom/dad’s doctor’s kit..” “I loved to play the game Operation as a child and that sparked my desire to be a PA...” “As I watched my beloved family member pass away, I knew then I wanted to be a PA...” · Restating your resume’: We have already read the majority of your application up to this point, so do not retell your life story again. · Story Time: Limit your personal stories about a patient or incident in the clinic to ONE no more than TWO. The statement should focus more the topics mentioned above. · The “epiphany into medicine”: Your pursuit of the PA profession should be based on your adult experiences up until this point, NOT an instantaneous realization. · Manifest Destiny: You have not always known you want to be a PA and the fact that someone tells you “you’ll make a great PA one day” does not justify why you should be a PA. · Grandiosity: Claiming that you plan to eliminate all the healthcare problems in an area is not realistic and shows a grave lack of understanding of the profession. · The “humble brag”: Of course you’re special, but claiming “you probably do not see many applicants like me” is not only arrogant, but is likely untrue. We’ve seen it all! · Remember your audience: Remember people do have other biases and views that may not agree with yours so avoid controversial topics and statements that could offend someone. Also, remember the admissions committee can be made up of all types of members of the healthcare team. Avoid statements like “I want to be a PA because PAs spend more time with their patients in comparison to physicians.” These types of situations are not always true and you do not want to stereotype an entire profession when you’ve only been around .00000001% of them. · “I am a victim”: Victims are never attractive applicants and any difficulties along the way should be dispassionately addressed. These explanations should be brief and also address what you have done to overcome the situation and what you learned from it. · Excuses: Never, ever blame anyone else for difficulties in your life or academic career. thank you so much for your help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest PALois Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 ---- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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