DejaBlu Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Hi Everyone, I've taken the feedback from your previous comments and started over. I can't even remember how many revisions I went through but I'm thinking might be the final one. I have to go through one more time for grammar, spelling, consistency, tense, etc. and I know there will some changes there. I'm more concerned about the flow and the content. Please let me know what you think. I'd like to submit this weekend. Thank you in advance for your time. I know we're all really busy. *********************************************************************************** It was 3 a.m. when I pulled out the morgue drawer to see a tiny little person laying there. He was only three years old and one of two brothers that didn’t make it out of a house fire that night. When I picked him up to take him to the autopsy table, his body was still warm. I didn’t realize it at the time, but tears were streaming down my face as I prepared him for the procedure to harvest his eyes. As I walked out of the hospital carrying the cooler with eye bank stickers on it, I was stopped by a couple that I didn’t know. They asked me if I worked at the eye bank. When I said yes, they told me how they lost a son, donated his organs, and were so happy that they were able to have a happy memory that came from their loss. They thanked me for what I was doing, and I was never more proud than at that moment. A few weeks later, on a Saturday evening, while I was working my second job as the unit secretary on the cardiac stepdown unit, I entered Margaret’s room to give her some water because all the nurses were busy. She was terminally ill but had a twinkle in her eye and was hanging onto life because her granddaughter was getting married that day. Margaret was waiting for the newlyweds to come and visit her. The entire bridal party came. I still remember the smile on her face. After the bridal party left, Margaret decided she could rest in peace. She died fifteen minutes later. Margaret taught me that when a patient has hope, it is often enough to keep them living. In this case, she only wanted to stay alive a little longer, but, if we as a health care workers can give a patient a reason to live, then they will live longer and heal better. The same evening that Margaret passed away, we got very busy and the rest of the shift was a blur. The ER was slammed because the roads were icy and there were several car accidents that night. One of the patients was admitted to my unit for severe chest pain and put on a telemetry monitor. Once the labs came back, I noticed that the hematocrit and hemoglobin (H&H) results were low, but there was no mention of blood loss on the chart. I understood the seriousness of the situation, and while the nurses would catch it eventually, I knew it was important that they know right away just in case they didn’t have time because of the influx of patients. Consequently, H&Hs were ordered every two hours. The numbers continued to drop and the patient was sent for x-rays and a CT scan. He had a small laceration in his spleen and had to be taken to surgery. Several years later, I had a terrible accident, and it was my turn to be a patient. It was Saturday, March 23, 2012. I lay on the ground staring up at the blue Montana sky unable to yell or scream for help. I was thrown from my horse. When I hit the frozen ground I heard a crack and felt searing pain throughout my body. I instinctively knew I had broken my back. I was taken off the mountain and pulled on a cart behind an ATV. Once in the ER, I was whisked away for tests. I was in pain, scared, alone, and wondering if I would be able to walk again. I was in the hospital for four days and fitted with a special clam shell brace, which allowed me to travel home so I could have surgery. After my surgery, I learned a lot about what it meant to be a patient. Rehab was excruciating. I had good days and bad days. That’s when I really understood how a kind word or gesture can make you smile or break down in tears. During my recovery, I began to reevaluate my life plans. I had a job in the IT field but felt no passion for what I was doing. I missed making a difference in people’s lives so started taking prerequisite classes for the PA program over a year ago. I’ve maintained a 4.0 GPA while working full-time. I joined the American Association of Physician Assistants (AAPA) to learn more about the profession and the current state of the profession itself. The Ohio Association of Physician Assistants (OAPA) provided me with the names of PAs that are willing to be shadowed. I arranged to shadow one of them and felt an energy that I hadn’t felt since my eye bank days. The shadowing experience confirmed my decision to continue a career in direct patient care. My work at the eye bank improved my technical skills and showed me that I have the strength to handle emotionally difficult situations. Working in the hospital and staying in one as a patient taught me that we can make a positive difference in the lives of everyone we meet. I know how patients feel when they have been heard, when their concerns have been addressed, and how to help relieve their anxiety during a very stressful time. My career path has been a winding one, but all roads have led me back to medicine and the PA profession. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SB23 Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 I think its a very good personal statement. The only part that I didn't really like is below. Its a bit redundant. you can cut back and simply say "I joined the American Association of Physician Assistants (AAPA) so I can learn more about the profession and connect with PAs to shadow." This is more of a suggestion if I were to find something to pick at. Overall good narrative. "I joined the American Association of Physician Assistants (AAPA) to learn more about the profession and the current state of the profession itself. The Ohio Association of Physician Assistants (OAPA) provided me with the names of PAs that are willing to be shadowed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LS_USAF Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 Great statement.. I would take out the contractions like "didn't" and "that's" if you have not already submitted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DejaBlu Posted August 25, 2014 Author Share Posted August 25, 2014 Thank you SB23 and LS_USAF for taking the time to read my statement and provide feedback. I adjusted my final version accordingly. I submitted my application last night. I'm keeping my fingers crossed while I wait to hear from the school. Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HealthLady Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 DajaBlu, my opinion is that this is a sold narrative. Suggest to keep the grammar past tense so as not to interrupt the flow. -the Ohio ... provided me with the names of three physician assistants who will allow me to shadow them. Right now, it sounds as though the PA's are shadowing themselves. I instinctively knew. How could you know without objective medical tests? Perhaps, "I perceived, based on my exposure to ... Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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