chris.shannon77 Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 My character count is 4995 right now so can't add much without removing. I'm submitting on 27 June 2014. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I have never been big on clichés but I am starting to like "third time's a charm." This will be my third time applying to Physician Assistant Programs. What has happened since applying the first two times you may ask? Well...I finished my Nuclear Medicine Technology degree, I started working in clinical research, and I completed any and all outstanding prerequisites for any of the programs I may be applying to. I was born and raised in Eastern North Carolina. I had a typical upbringing and like most, went to college right out of high school and like a lot of others, majored in social life. That major is the anchor dragging my GPA down from what it could be. Then one morning I woke up and realized that all my friends were graduating college and moving on to the real world. I was still struggling with what to do with my life. After being told for years by my father to look into the military I finally went to an Army recruiter. That is the point where I feel I really grew up. Shortly before my twenty sixth birthday I shipped to basic training. I thought to myself this is hard, but fun. The Army was a great fit for me. I enlisted as a Cavalry Scout. We were the people that would go find the bad guys and the best route for the main force to get there. I loved the excitement. As I matured in the Army I was given a Special Duty Assignment as a Recruiter. I would spend a lot of time in this career field in the Army and progressed through the levels to Recruiting Station Commander. During my time in recruiting I met my wife. We settled down, started a family, and we decided I would get out of the Army at the end of my current contract. When that decision was made I had to start trying to figure out what I wanted to do on my departure from the military. I had a couple of choices. I could transition into something in the civilian world that matched my skills from recruiting or I could start fresh and go for something that was completely different than anything I had done before. I decided to do both. Go for the career change but be prepared to fall back on what I know. Before departing the Army I did a lot of research and talked to a lot of people and decided that being a Physician Assistant would be my professional goal in life. I had a lot of catching up to do when it came to academics. Before getting out of the Army I worked on finishing my Bachelor's Degree and knocking out specific prerequisites. I applied for a spot in a Physician Assistant Program before I left the Army and well before I had most of the prerequisites under my belt. That did not work out so I had to go with plan B. I took a job in college admissions because of my background in recruiting. While working I still continued to chip away at prerequisites and I also applied to a Nuclear Medicine Technology program to try and make sure I got into the healthcare industry in some fashion. I was accepted into the Nuclear Medicine Technology program and that started me down the path of a drastic career change. It was a great mix of fear and excitement. Everything about the program reinforced my desire to work in healthcare. Everything from the didactic learning portion to working with patients during clinical let me know I had made the right choice. It also kept that flame burning from the desire to be a Physician Assistant. I decided to try and use the Nuclear Medicine Technology Program as a springboard to a Physician Assistant Program. Application number two had so much more to it than application number one, but it still lacked completion of all possible prerequisites to the programs I was considering. The second application culminated in me making an alternate list over acceptance for what I want to assume was having outstanding prerequisites. I registered for and completed the last two courses I needed. Now that I was done with school, for now, I had to find employment. Not as easy as I hoped it would be in the field of Nuclear Medicine. While a lot of my classmates were taking per diem and very part time jobs I had a family to consider. I focused on full time employment that was out of the box, where I could still use my education. That landed me in clinical research. It is very different from my experience in my clinical rotation but I get to use all that I learned throughout the Nuclear Medicine Technology Program. It also gives me a viewpoint into healthcare that a lot of people do not get to experience. I am still not a Physician Assistant. All of the things, post Army, that have led up to where I am today, started with the desire to become a Physician Assistant. I spent the time and money to finish all of the requirements. I have become very accustom to balancing a full plate of full time, sometimes overtime, academics and family. I am still ready to become a Physician Assistant. I am actually more ready to become a Physician Assistant. This is why "third time's a charm" has become one of my favorite phrases. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoopeda Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Your opening strikes me as flippant, which some might interpret (maybe inaccurately) as either arrogant or not serious. It also suggests you're relying on luck, like this is some sort of hail mary application. It also means the very first thing you show your reader about yourself is repeated failures. I later get the impression that you are in fact serious and have improved your application since last time, but I would rework the introduction and conclusion to exclude the key line you're using (..."charm") and try to come up with a way to introduce more positively. 2 cents, take it or leave it of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris.shannon77 Posted June 20, 2014 Author Share Posted June 20, 2014 Thanks zoopeda. That is exactly the part that I didn't have a warm and fuzzy about. I'm working on an attention grabber that's a little more serious. I'm trying to keep a little of my personality in the applicant statement. It worked last time to get to the interview but I ended up on the waitlist because of two incomplete prerequisites. What's your opinion on removing the beginning and end with the "charm" part and going with "If at first you don't succeed........" go into the rest of the statement and at the end put ".........improve yourself and try again."? --------------------------------------------------- If at first you don't succeed............ This will be my third time applying to Physician Assistant Programs. What has happened since applying the first two times you may ask? Well...I finished my Nuclear Medicine Technology degree, I started working in clinical research, and I completed any and all outstanding prerequisites for any of the programs I may be applying to. - - - - I am still ready to become a Physician Assistant. I am actually more ready to become a Physician Assistant. ......Improve yourself and try again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoopeda Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Thanks zoopeda. That is exactly the part that I didn't have a warm and fuzzy about. I'm working on an attention grabber that's a little more serious. I'm trying to keep a little of my personality in the applicant statement. It worked last time to get to the interview but I ended up on the waitlist because of two incomplete prerequisites. What's your opinion on removing the beginning and end with the "charm" part and going with "If at first you don't succeed........" go into the rest of the statement and at the end put ".........improve yourself and try again."? --------------------------------------------------- If at first you don't succeed............ This will be my third time applying to Physician Assistant Programs. What has happened since applying the first two times you may ask? Well...I finished my Nuclear Medicine Technology degree, I started working in clinical research, and I completed any and all outstanding prerequisites for any of the programs I may be applying to. - - - - I am still ready to become a Physician Assistant. I am actually more ready to become a Physician Assistant. ......Improve yourself and try again. I like that much better. If you immediately lead that into how hard you've been working to prepare yourself for PA school this time around and less about how you're applying for the third time I think you've made a subtle but significant shift in focus. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bgdog Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 I liked that you took the time to write one. Some points that strike me: Very casual. Kinda like your talking to your buddies. Sounds like a first or second draft. Grammatical errors. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PASASM92 Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 I like that it is casual. It is very readable. I would want to meet you. You are in the right track. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris.shannon77 Posted June 23, 2014 Author Share Posted June 23, 2014 Thanks for the feedback from anyone who gave usable feedback or understood the relaxed angle I was going for. I was told by more than one program in pre-application meetings that 95% of the applicant statements are very "stiff" and tedious to read. I read between those lines and tried to make sure it reflected my personality instead of writing like it was going to be graded. I wanted a statement that stood out. This is my final product unless someone finds something glaringly wrong. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If at first you don't succeed.... This will be my third time applying to Physician Assistant Programs. What has happened since applying the first two times you may ask? Well...I finished my Nuclear Medicine Technology degree, I started working in clinical research, and I completed any and all outstanding prerequisites for any of the programs I may be applying to. I was born and raised in Eastern North Carolina. I had a typical upbringing and like most, went to college right out of high school and like a lot of others, majored in social life. That major is the anchor dragging my GPA down from what it could be. Then one morning I woke up and realized that all my friends were graduating college and moving on to the real world. I was still struggling with what to do with my life. After being told for years by my father to look into the military, I finally went to the Army recruiter. That is the point where I feel I grew up. Shortly before my twenty-sixth birthday I shipped to basic training. I thought to myself this is hard, but fun. The Army was a great fit for me. I enlisted as a Cavalry Scout. We were the people that would go find the bad guys and the best route for the main force to get there. I loved the excitement. As I matured in the Army I was given a Special Duty Assignment as a Recruiter. I would spend a lot of time in this career field in the Army and progressed through the levels to Recruiting Station Commander. During my time in recruiting I met my wife. We settled down, started a family, and we decided I would get out of the Army at the end of my current contract. When that decision was made I had to start trying to figure out what I wanted to do on my departure from the military. I had a couple of choices. I could transition into something in the civilian world that matched my skills from recruiting, or I could start fresh and go for something that was completely different than anything I had done before. I decided to do both. Go for a career change but be prepared to fall back on what I know. Before departing the Army I did a lot of research and talked to a lot of people and decided that being a Physician Assistant would be my professional goal in life. I had a lot of catching up to do when it came to academics. Before getting out of the Army I worked on finishing my Bachelor's Degree and knocking out specific prerequisites. I applied for a spot in a Physician Assistant Program before I left the Army and well before I had most of the prerequisites under my belt. That did not work out, so I had to go with plan B. I took a job in college admissions because of my background in recruiting. While working I still continued to chip away at prerequisites, and I also applied to a Nuclear Medicine Technology program to try and make sure I got into the healthcare industry in some fashion. I was accepted into the Nuclear Medicine Technology program and that started me down the path of a drastic career change. It was a great mix of fear and excitement. Everything about the program reinforced my desire to work in healthcare. Everything from the didactic learning portion to working with patients during clinical let me know I had made the right choice. It also kept that flame burning from the desire to be a Physician Assistant. I decided to try and use the Nuclear Medicine Technology Program as a springboard to a Physician Assistant Program. Application number two had so much more to it than application number one, but it still lacked the completion of all possible prerequisites to the programs I was considering. The second application culminated in me making an alternate list over acceptance for what I want to assume was having outstanding prerequisites. I registered for and completed the last two courses I needed. Now that I was done with school, for now, I had to find employment. Not as easy as I hoped it would be in the field of Nuclear Medicine. While a lot of my classmates were taking per diem and very part time jobs I had a family to consider. I focused on full time employment that was out of the box, where I could still use my education. That landed me in clinical research. It is very different from my experience in my clinical rotation, but I get to use all that I learned throughout the Nuclear Medicine Technology Program. It also gives me a viewpoint into healthcare that a lot of people do not get to experience. I am still not a Physician Assistant. All of the things, post Army, which have led up to where I am today started with a desire to become a Physician Assistant. I spent the time and money to finish all of the requirements. I have become very accustom to balancing a full plate of full time, sometimes overtime, academics and family. I am still ready to become a Physician Assistant. I am actually more ready to become a Physician Assistant. ....improve yourself and try again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoopeda Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 Thanks for the feedback from anyone who gave usable feedback or understood the relaxed angle I was going for. I was told by more than one program in pre-application meetings that 95% of the applicant statements are very "stiff" and tedious to read. I read between those lines and tried to make sure it reflected my personality instead of writing like it was going to be graded. I wanted a statement that stood out. This is my final product unless someone finds something glaringly wrong. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If at first you don't succeed.... This will be my third time applying to Physician Assistant Programs. What has happened since applying the first two times you may ask? Well...I finished my Nuclear Medicine Technology degree, I started working in clinical research, and I completed any and all outstanding prerequisites for any of the programs I may be applying to. I was born and raised in Eastern North Carolina. I had a typical upbringing and like most, went to college right out of high school and like a lot of others, majored in social life. That major is the anchor dragging my GPA down from what it could be. Then one morning I woke up and realized that all my friends were graduating college and moving on to the real world. I was still struggling with what to do with my life. After being told for years by my father to look into the military, I finally went to the Army recruiter. That is the point where I feel I grew up. Shortly before my twenty-sixth birthday I shipped to basic training. I thought to myself this is hard, but fun. The Army was a great fit for me. I enlisted as a Cavalry Scout. We were the people that would go find the bad guys and the best route for the main force to get there. I loved the excitement. As I matured in the Army I was given a Special Duty Assignment as a Recruiter. I would spend a lot of time in this career field in the Army and progressed through the levels to Recruiting Station Commander. During my time in recruiting I met my wife. We settled down, started a family, and we decided I would get out of the Army at the end of my current contract. When that decision was made I had to start trying to figure out what I wanted to do on my departure from the military. I had a couple of choices. I could transition into something in the civilian world that matched my skills from recruiting, or I could start fresh and go for something that was completely different than anything I had done before. I decided to do both. Go for a career change but be prepared to fall back on what I know. Before departing the Army I did a lot of research and talked to a lot of people and decided that being a Physician Assistant would be my professional goal in life. I had a lot of catching up to do when it came to academics. Before getting out of the Army I worked on finishing my Bachelor's Degree and knocking out specific prerequisites. I applied for a spot in a Physician Assistant Program before I left the Army and well before I had most of the prerequisites under my belt. That did not work out, so I had to go with plan B. I took a job in college admissions because of my background in recruiting. While working I still continued to chip away at prerequisites, and I also applied to a Nuclear Medicine Technology program to try and make sure I got into the healthcare industry in some fashion. I was accepted into the Nuclear Medicine Technology program and that started me down the path of a drastic career change. It was a great mix of fear and excitement. Everything about the program reinforced my desire to work in healthcare. Everything from the didactic learning portion to working with patients during clinical let me know I had made the right choice. It also kept that flame burning from the desire to be a Physician Assistant. I decided to try and use the Nuclear Medicine Technology Program as a springboard to a Physician Assistant Program. Application number two had so much more to it than application number one, but it still lacked the completion of all possible prerequisites to the programs I was considering. The second application culminated in me making an alternate list over acceptance for what I want to assume was having outstanding prerequisites. I registered for and completed the last two courses I needed. Now that I was done with school, for now, I had to find employment. Not as easy as I hoped it would be in the field of Nuclear Medicine. While a lot of my classmates were taking per diem and very part time jobs I had a family to consider. I focused on full time employment that was out of the box, where I could still use my education. That landed me in clinical research. It is very different from my experience in my clinical rotation, but I get to use all that I learned throughout the Nuclear Medicine Technology Program. It also gives me a viewpoint into healthcare that a lot of people do not get to experience. I am still not a Physician Assistant. All of the things, post Army, which have led up to where I am today started with a desire to become a Physician Assistant. I spent the time and money to finish all of the requirements. I have become very accustom to balancing a full plate of full time, sometimes overtime, academics and family. I am still ready to become a Physician Assistant. I am actually more ready to become a Physician Assistant. ....improve yourself and try again. Consider putting the whole line at the beginning, and repeated at the end (rather than split): If at first you don't succeed, improve and try again. Also, I think you need a "from" after "depart." Good luck this cycle! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMedic Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 Good luck to you this cycle. To me, it shows your drive and determination after so many tries. Scouts out, just remember if you ain't CAV you ain't ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rachiehayes Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 Your personal statement shows maturity, determination, but it doesn't explain why you want to become a physician assistant. I would include add a paragraph about why, specifically, you are determined to become a PA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoopeda Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 Your personal statement shows maturity, determination, but it doesn't explain why you want to become a physician assistant. I would include add a paragraph about why, specifically, you are determined to become a PA. That's a great comment. I think you could modify these two paragraphs rather than have to add a whole other: Before departing the Army I did a lot of research and talked to a lot of people and decided that being a Physician Assistant would be my professional goal in life. I had a lot of catching up to do when it came to academics. Before getting out of the Army I worked on finishing my Bachelor's Degree and knocking out specific prerequisites. I applied for a spot in a Physician Assistant Program before I left the Army and well before I had most of the prerequisites under my belt. That did not work out, so I had to go with plan B. I took a job in college admissions because of my background in recruiting. While working I still continued to chip away at prerequisites, and I also applied to a Nuclear Medicine Technology program to try and make sure I got into the healthcare industry in some fashion. I was accepted into the Nuclear Medicine Technology program and that started me down the path of a drastic career change. It was a great mix of fear and excitement. Everything about the program reinforced my desire to work in healthcare. Everything from the didactic learning portion to working with patients during clinical let me know I had made the right choice. It also kept that flame burning from the desire to be a Physician Assistant. I decided to try and use theNuclear Medicine Technology Program as a springboard to a Physician Assistant Program. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris.shannon77 Posted June 24, 2014 Author Share Posted June 24, 2014 That's a great comment. I think you could modify these two paragraphs rather than have to add a whole other: Before departing the Army I did a lot of research and talked to a lot of people and decided that being a Physician Assistant would be my professional goal in life. I had a lot of catching up to do when it came to academics. Before getting out of the Army I worked on finishing my Bachelor's Degree and knocking out specific prerequisites. I applied for a spot in a Physician Assistant Program before I left the Army and well before I had most of the prerequisites under my belt. That did not work out, so I had to go with plan B. I took a job in college admissions because of my background in recruiting. While working I still continued to chip away at prerequisites, and I also applied to a Nuclear Medicine Technology program to try and make sure I got into the healthcare industry in some fashion. I was accepted into the Nuclear Medicine Technology program and that started me down the path of a drastic career change. It was a great mix of fear and excitement. Everything about the program reinforced my desire to work in healthcare. Everything from the didactic learning portion to working with patients during clinical let me know I had made the right choice. It also kept that flame burning from the desire to be a Physician Assistant. I decided to try and use theNuclear Medicine Technology Program as a springboard to a Physician Assistant Program. Zoo, I would definitely have to modify versus another paragraph. Not a lot of space left with the character count. Luckily for me most of the programs I'm applying to know me more than just another applicant. I've been very engaged with them with pre-interviews to go over my stuff and maintained contact so they don't forget me. If I can find a way to fit it in I will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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