Help, I really don't know where to start

[jgbink]

I really have no idea what exactly to say, so any suggestions to what I have written would be very appreciated. 

 

The one thing that I still have a vivid image of during my preschool years is stepping off the bus that would drop me off at my mothers work. Back then my mother was an accomplished Licensed Practical Nurse, working full time while raising five children. This was not an easy task because my father was an over the road truck driver that would be gone for weeks at a time. Being the youngest of five children, the nursing home my mother worked at became a day care for me while my siblings were still in school. During the times I would be at the nursing home I was exposed to the kind, warm and gentleness that I saw in the hearts of the nurses and the nursing home residents. I was able to develop friendships with the elderly patients as I would sit and visit with them. This was my first experience with healthcare and my experiences became deeper as I grew older and continued to visit and volunteer at the nursing homes that my mother has worked at.

            Throughout high school I was able to discover my love of biology and chemistry. I was fascinated by human anatomy and physiology and excited by the mysteries of DNA. I was ignited with a passion for anything science that lead me to Madonna University. What started as a major in Forensic science quickly changed to chemistry. Through my studies neither of these majors felt right, I was missing what I was truly passionate about: the human body. My major changed to biology. As I was studying Pathophysiology and biochemistry, I knew I was in the area I belonged, but something was still missing.

            At the beginning of my junior year of college, my grandpa was diagnosis with cancer. Many test and one month later, I had to say goodbye to my grandpa for the last time. Little did I know that less than one year later my other grandpa would have a triple bypass surgery due to a heart attack. While the surgery was a success there were other complications, and as the doctor came in to tell us that he would not have a full recovery and we had to make the decision to take him off his ventilator. These experiences sent me on a graduate studies path of molecular biology.

            As I was going through my college studies, my mother had also gone back to school. She was able to become a Registered Nurse and I saw even more joy and happiness in her than when I was younger. That moment is when I realized that the joy she had came from knowing she was helping others in the best way she possibly could. That moment is when my life changed forever. I shadowed a physician assistant and saw everything that I hoped for myself. There was both science and compassion.

After my first year of graduate school I was hired at Suburban Eye Care to become a vision therapist where I am able to care for and change the lives of children. I worked with the doctor to determine the appropriate treatment for each child. I was able to see the changes that the therapy was doing for my patients along with showing them compassion when they were struggling. Working with patients directly has been the most fulfilling accomplishment thus far. 

[jgbink]

After getting some suggestions I re-worded some parts of my personal statement:

 

While growing up in a small Nebraska town, the one thing that I still have a vivid image of is stepping off the bus that would drop me off at my mothers work. My mother was an accomplished Licensed Practical Nurse working full time while struggling to raise five children. This task was not easy because my father was an over the road truck driver that would be gone for weeks at a time. Being the youngest of five children, the nursing home my mother worked at became a day care for me while my siblings were still in school. During my visits to the nursing home I was exposed to the kind, warm and gentle hearts of the nurses and the residents. I was able to develop friendships with the elderly patients as I would sit and visit with them. This was my first experience with healthcare and my experiences became deeper as I grew older and continued to visit and volunteer at the nursing homes that my mother has worked at.

            Throughout high school I discovered my love of biology and chemistry. I was fascinated by human anatomy and physiology and excited by the mysteries of DNA. I was ignited with a passion for science that lead me to Madonna University. What started as a major in Forensic science quickly changed to chemistry then to biology as my passion for the human body and how it works became my main focus.

            At the beginning of my junior year of college, my paternal grandfather was diagnosis with cancer. While I understood the Pathophysiology of cancer, I had a hard time actually understanding why this was happening to my loved one. During the time he was in the hospital many doctors visited his room. More often we would see the physician assistant that was assigned to his case. She was very warm and compassionate towards both my grandfather and all my family. One month later, my grandfather has died but I will never forget the kindness of that physician assistant.

Less then one year later my maternal grandfather would have a triple bypass surgery due to a heart attack. While the surgery was a success there were other complications.  The doctor came in to tell us that he would not have a full recovery and we had to make the decision to take him off his ventilator. These two experiences had me seeking answers. I was able to bury myself in graduate studies in cell and molecular biology knowing that someday I may be able to help others with my knowledge.

            As I was going through my college studies, my mother had also gone back to school. She completed her bachelors degree and became a Registered Nurse.  I saw even more joy and happiness in her than when I was younger. I realized that the joy she had came from knowing she was helping others in the best way she possibly could. I knew from that moment that I needed to be a part of health care. I shadowed a friend who is a physician assistant and I saw everything that I every wanted and more. She showed me how to be compassionate while caring for the needs of ill patients.

After my first year of graduate school I was hired at Suburban Eye Care to become a vision therapist where I first experienced the joy of patient care. I am able to care for and change the lives of children. I work with the doctor to determine the appropriate course of treatment for each child and also have the independence to work with the children one on one for their treatment. I was able to see the changes that the therapy was doing for my patients along with showing them compassion when they were struggling. Working with patients directly has been the most fulfilling accomplishment thus far. 

[RRTtoPA]

I would talk about why you decided on PA.

[MeganW]

I agree with RRTtoPA. Your statement shows why you wanted to move into healthcare versus any other profession, but it doesn't speak to the actual career of Physician Assistant. Why PA and not MD or LPN or NP? It's one of the first questions they ask you in an interview and they expect you to have a good reason. 

 

Also, comb through your statement for grammatical errors. Example: mother's work, not mothers work. There are a few more sentences that could be reworded and "beefed up" so to speak. You are a college graduate (or about to be), so make that obvious in your writing. 

 

It's a great start, but it could definitely use some tuning up. Really think of the passion you have for healthcare and consider that inspiration, but also incorporate it into the roles and responsibilities of the PA profession. 

 

I hope this helps! Good luck!