Help with Personal Statement....What do you think?

[butlermariah]

I can't say that I've had that ah hah moment or an awe inspiring experience that drew me to pursue a career as a Physician Assistant. What I can say is; my rather uncertainty and indecisiveness in my career choice during my first year of college has been dismissed. Having been accepted into an accelerated, freshman admission PA program, I was excited and thought that having that singular word, "accepted", would have ensured my certainty in my decision to pursue a career as a Physician Assistant.

But, through a combination of having difficulty adjusting to being away from home and the other numerous medical career options that were discussed during my Introduction to Healthcare class, I found myself applying as a transfer student during my first semester of college. After doing so, I was accepted and began to attend a college much closer to home in a nursing degree program during the spring semester. It was almost immediately that I realized this switch was in fact not the right decision. Despite being closer to home, I realized that I had left a great opportunity to have become a PA as well as had left an opportunity to grow as a person. So, in my pursuit to return to the university I had originally attended, in hopes of being able to regain my spot in the program, I realized that I needed to really consider my career options in the medical field and not just upon my experience at the university I was attending.

Although I've always had a desire to work in the medical field, due to my father's various health complications throughout my life, I had never been certain about what particular path I wanted to pursue. But, with the limbo I found myself in bouncing between universities, I knew that I needed to find the career path that I could be most passionate about. As rewarding a career in nursing would be, I realized that it wasn't what I was looking for. It became apparent to me that I desired the quick thinking, ever changing pace that a PA career requires. The continuum of learning that a PA experienced each day on the job was also very appealing to me.

Despite my inability to be directly admitted back into the accelerated track of the PA program, I was assured in my decision to return and continue pursuing my bachelor's degree in health science that would enable me to apply to graduate programs. Along with the extensive research and reading about the profession that I did, I also realized the importance of truly immersing myself into various medical facilities to truly get a grasp and appreciation for the healthcare system and the professionals that are a part of it.

I took the opportunity to volunteer with a healthcare facility that offered services to patients that faced barriers such as lack of insurance and finances. Through this opportunity, I was able to meet a diverse array of patients and hear their stories while helping with various things such as patient medical records, a parenting group, and outreach calls. I also, began volunteering at a local hospital in the neighborhood of my school and gained exposure to the fast paced environment of a busy hospital. I felt privileged in being able to provide assistance to the nurses who were often times overworked with an overload of patients. It became apparent to me that by pursuing a medical degree, I can help close the gap to the lack of healthcare providers in relationship to the increasing number of patients needed to be seen. I also took the opportunity to shadow a Doctor at Albany Medical Center as well as a Nurse Practitioner at Boston Medical Center.

Currently, I'm taking an Emergency Medical Technician course to further my experience and knowledge of the healthcare field. During the lecture, my professor who was an EMT and Paramedic himself had said that there was one disappointing aspect to this job. That being, as an EMT you don't receive much feedback on how the patient recovered. To me, that would be the most rewarding aspect of a career in medicine. As a PA, I will be able to work with the patient from the moment of their admittance all the way through their recovery and to see such progression will be gratifying.

During my time shadowing the Nurse Practitioner, I had an experience with a particular patient that assured my pursuit to become a healthcare provider. A fragile, elderly woman who was bed bound looked at me and said you look like a doctor. My response to her was thank you and I then explained to her that I was planning to attend school to become a Physician Assistant. She then took my hand, smiled and said you'll make a great one. For this women to look at me with such surety and belief in me having only talked to me for a few minutes, was truly fulfilling and it further enthralled me in this career pursuit. Now, I can confidently say without any reservation that my drive, determination, and motivation is placed whole heartedly within having my future career as a Physician Assistant.

[patachok]

IMHO, your essay is O.K. (mediocre). It appears all over the place, you start with something, then jump, then jump again. You do not clearly state what PA is and what they do, as in you do not show that you have an understanding of the profession. You obviously do not have any hands on experience (or at least does look like it from the essay). You also shadowed everybody, but a PA. From your essay I can gather a few things: You are inconsistent (when you describe your college career you switched from place to place - not a good selling point), you want to be in medicine, but you do not state clearly why. You claim you want to be a PA, yet you never shadowed or worked with one. If you decided to be a PA only because an old lady told you you will be a good one, may be next time an old gentelman will tell you you will be a great doctor. Then what? You have some redundancy in your language, and some grammar error you need to look over. My advice: REWRITE. Then look over, show to many people, rework, then do same thing a few more times. If you have an adviser in school, or writing center where they can help you with your PS - definitely go.

If you talk how incosistent you were while younger in college, then finish with saying how you put your stuff together, and moved on and finished, but more stress on positive. Prove that you want to be a PA, not a doctor or an NP. There is nothing of that sort in your essay now.

Keep working, PS is a huge part of your application, do not take it lightly!

Good luck!