Personal Narrative

[downs94]

1st draft: Please critique! Anything is helpful! Thank you!:=D:

 

 

Many events have led me to pursue a career as a physician assistant. One in particular is the moment I found my grandmother in a catatonic state after suffering from a stroke. After being out of town for the weekend and not hearing from my grandmother, my mother and I decided to visit her at home. This is when we found her sitting motionless inside of her home. Although I was at the young age of thirteen, I knew how serious the situation was and what my mother and I needed to do. Promptly, my grandmother was rushed to the hospital to be diagnosed as suffering from a severe stroke. The side effects from the stroke were heightened due to a lack of immediate treatment. When I became aware of this, first and foremost, I was grief-stricken because I knew that the side effects she now suffers from could have been prevented; however, my drive to pursue a career dedicated to medicine and the well being of others was immensely increased.

 

My fascination with medicine and my desire to become a physician assistant, in part, stems from the team-based environment that exists in the medical field. During the time that I shadowed an orthopedic physician assistant, I was able to observe the teamwork that existed in her work environment. The teamwork between the physician assistants, doctors, surgical technicians, nurses, and anesthesiologist during surgery was particularly intriguing. I am very familiar and comfortable with the idea of a team-based environment because I have been committed to organized sports since I was four years old. During my four years at the University of St. Thomas, I was given the opportunity to be a captain of my team for two consecutive years. From experience, I recognize that working in a team, in most occasions, produces the best outcome.

 

Not only am I attracted to the team-based environment within a physician assistant career, but also the organization that is required to practice sound medicine. Through the years, I have gained a large amount of organizational skills. When I entered my undergraduate studies at the University of St. Thomas, I lacked adequate organizational required for success in my classes. I was overwhelmed with having to juggle my dedication to my volleyball team as well as to my studies. However, I preserved this gap in the road and taught myself how to maintain good grades and perform well on the volleyball court. I believe that the organizational skills I have acquired over the years will assist me in prospering as a physician assistant.

 

My concern for the welfare of others is another significant factor that has led me to pursue a career as a physician assistant. I began volunteering in the food pantry of my church when I was very young. Ever since then I have been committed to sacrificing a part of my time for those who are in need of support. Through research and observation of the physician assistant field, I see that there is a strong dedication to the less fortunate population. This is particularly appealing to me because I have always wanted to have a firsthand experience in improving the lives of others. Although my current job allows me, in small part, to contribute to the medical field, I am unable to experience that gratifying feeling that I have improved lives because it lacks the interaction with patients. By becoming a physician assistant and achieving a positive affect on each of my patient’s, I can feel as if my responsibility and purpose has been accomplished.

 

I come from a family of five, of which I am the youngest by ten years. Most of my childhood was equivalent to that of an only child because my sister left for college when I was eight years old. This allowed me to build special relationships with my parents that continue to grow to this day. Also, despite the fact that my siblings and I are far apart in age as well as location, we have maintained strong relationships. In my opinion, family is valuable and necessary in order for one to prosper. The physician assistant field gives me the opportunity to devote my time equally between my responsibilities as a physician assistant as well as a mother and wife.

 

Overall, the experiences that I have encounter throughout my life have considerably motivated me to pursue a career as a physician assistant. I am convinced that these experiences have prepared me to become an excellent physician assistant. My compassion for others and devotion to learning have proven the physician assistant profession to be a perfect fit for me. As an ardent student, I am eagerly awaiting the opportunity to join a physician assistant program where I can learn and practice exceptional medicine.

[downs94]

Please critique! Any feedback would be helpful!

[Dynamo24]

I think you have some good stuff as to why the PA profession is attractive to you, and you do a decent job explaining why you want to be a PA. Remove or revise the second to last paragraph, it seems very out of place and just a filler. Don't be fooled that you won't be working your tail off as a PA, don't let them think you believe its an 9-5 job in and out and you have boat loads of free time...its just not the case and you may come off as misinformed. Re-read and re-read again and remove anything that you feel isn't truly needed to tell your story. Also, do a solid spelling and grammar check two or three times if not more and have some one in a writing center take a look at it, too. Good luck.

[ppelavin]

I would agree that you definitely have some really good things here to work with but I'd also agree that your essay could use some editing. I have a few specific suggestions...

 

I would review each of your paragraphs for repetition. I like that each one is focused on a theme like what seems to be the experience that spurred your interest in medicine, your experience with teamwork, and your volunteer work but I think that your focus on each of these concepts leads to overuse of certain words, for example every sentence of your second paragraph has the work team, teamwork, or team-based and it seems a little redundant.

 

I'd read through and try to make everything a little more active, two examples that stand out to me are 1) you say "I was given the opportunity to be a captain of my team" instead of just "I was the captain of my team" and 2) the first sentence of your last paragraph, "Overall, the experiences that I have encounter throughout my life have considerably motivated me to pursue a career as a physician assistant," makes you sound a little removed from all of these experiences.

 

I also agree with Dynamo24 that the second to last paragraph could be cut out or developed in a different direction, I think you're verging into dangerous territory of seeming to make the assumption that PAs have an easier work week, more time for family, etc. than other medical professionals. It does seem though like this is where you're exploring why you're interested specifically in the PA profession, so maybe try to elaborate on that idea.

 

Again, I think you've got some good stuff to work with! Try reading it through out loud to yourself (or anyone willing to listen), I find that really helps with making everything flow together.

[downs94]

These are great suggestions! Thank you both for the help!