help!! 1st draft.

[clg0318]

it's rough, I know. I don't quite know what direction to go with it. BE BRUTAL!!

 

It’s 2010 and this isn’t my life. It’s not the one I signed up for and imagined anyway. I am spending my days doing things that have to be done, but that don’t benefit the people I want to help the most; the residents, the patients, whichever you choose to call them. I want desperately to hold a hand, explain a condition, or prescribe a medicine or order a test that changes a life.

Rewind twenty years, and I am the little girl who does what she is supposed to do. I make A’s, I play sports, I am a volunteer and I listen to my parents. My detriment is that I never understood I wasn’t making one person happy. I wasn’t listening to that extremely important person. Me. I listened to what I was supposed to do.

Through a series of events, I came to question my choices, the opinions of those around me, and even though I was nowhere near right all the time, I landed here, writing a personal statement for the one thing I want to do more than anything.

I could tell you that I was abused, that my brother died, that I had a life crisis at the ripe young age of 29, which would all be true. Instead, I want to explain why I am where I am.

Back to that day in 2010. I am 29 years old, and I am a frustrated nursing home administrator. I don’t like sitting budgeting when I want to be with my residents and their families. I know that I am good at it; I have been told as much for years. In fact, I think I was an administrator at birth. My dad was one, and I remember my first Easter running through the halls of the nursing home he worked at, making the residents laugh and serving them lunch and Easter candy. However, something is missing. I sit down with my best friend, my most trusted advisor; my aunt. She’s the only one I have ever sought advice from. She can’t talk back anymore, but as I tell her my frustration she grabs my hand and tears run down her face as she emphatically shakes her head waiting for my to understand. My aunt suffered a traumatic brain injury from an accident when I was a junior in high school. She is still the wisest person I know. I talk, she listens, and when I tell her I think I need to go back to school and make a difference, she writes 2 words on her pad. “doctor-ethan.”

Ethan, who is my little cousin, and my little brother. My parents adopted him after the same aunt’s accident. Her brain injury left her unable to tolerate him, and as it would turn out, he would meet a similar fate. He died of massive head trauma 4 years later. I don’t know if that was my catalyst. I just know I started to think about my path and what would make me happy. It was clear for the first time in my whole life. How many people I love have been touched by brain injuries or neurological disorders? Many, but this would also lead me down a few wrong roads.

I graduated from Louisiana Tech University in 2004 with a degree in education and fell into a special education job. I had a classroom of kindergarten through second graders with severe and profound disorders. I had a girl with Rett’s syndrome, a boy with autism and cerebral palsy, Down’s syndrome students, and some developmental disorders. I loved the job, but knew that I wanted to do something on a larger scale. I applied and was accepted to an Administrator in Training program for a nursing facility administrator. Upon completion, I worked in Bogalusa, LA; which had a very young nursing facility population due to drug use; depression related problems, and other neurological disorders. After a year there, an opportunity was presented to move to Baton Rouge, LA and work as an administrator on a pioneer program for Alzheimer’s and dementia in the elderly. I spent 2 years on this program, implementing daily life skills in a different way and educating the community on methods for making time more special for the afflicted and the family.

I had found my niche. I loved the results. I wanted that interaction. This led me to that day with my aunt. If I could have done this type of work daily, I would have been thrilled. However, as much as the interaction was there, the business side of administration still called. I was so unhappy with the direction. I knew a vast amount about the pathology, but I was just an administrator. She knew, and soon after, I realized. I belong on the clinical side. Which brings me to now. I walked away from an annual salary that is more than I am likely to make as a PA, simply because my heart is here. I want to focus on neurological medicine. I have so many experiences that just led me to this. It’s not an idea anymore, it is truly a calling.

My aunt suggested doctor. I don’t want to be a physician. I know I want to do the clinical side, but I crave the personal interaction as well. Physician assistant is the best of both worlds in a collaborative environment that I am positive I will thrive in.

I have the background knowledge and a working knowledge of the healthcare system. I need the clinical skills to complete what will be the ultimate goal, and the best possible career for myself, and for my future patients.

[zerog]

Take my advice with a grain of salt because I just finished my first draft as well. I guess for me, I don't really like the first few paragraphs. They are intro paragraphs, but you don't really need them. I would start by your sentence "I am 29 years old and a frustrated..." I think that would gain interest really well. Also in your second to last paragraph maybe expand more on why PA over MD. I would also somewhere in there maybe talk about specific individuals in your work place.

Going to the technicalities. Don't use conjunctions. Also you are a little comma happy.

Congrats though! First draft is written!

[PAhopeful13]

Yes, I agree with zerog. Take out the 1st couple paragraphs and start with "I am 29 ..." Remember some schools want ~500 words. Otherwise I do like your PS, sorry for all the heartache you've experienced. I'm still stuck on mine, congrats on yours! Good luck