Personal Narrative - Introduction and 1st paragraph - Please Critique!

[PhilipHennessey]

As we crawled out of the sweat lodge seven years ago Michael, my adopted brother and traditional spiritual leader of the Oglala Lakota tribe, said to me, “Misun, wohanble`.” “Younger brother, I had a vision about you.” Finally I found my life's meaning: to serve the tribal members of Pine Ridge Indian Reservation, South Dakota. Becoming a physician assistant will help me fulfill that vision, and live up to my Lakota name, “He who wants to know many things.” Ultimately, I wish to work with traditional Lakota “medicine men”, allopathic health care providers, public health experts and politicians to completely redesign how the Indian Health Service delivers health care on the reservation.

I have shed tears over family members and friends who died from alcoholism and lack of access of health care, spilled my blood on the prairie grass during our annual Sun Dance ceremony, laughed at jokes and conversations spoken only in Lakota, and, most importantly, found my passion for medicine and healing. Michael, as a widely respected traditional healer, has helped me see the absolute necessity of providing health care that is not only congruent with, but fundamentally based in the Lakota language, culture and worldview. Such a paradigm shift requires that physician assistants, who are front line providers at Indian Health Service satellite clinics, function not only as western practitioners but “traditional”healers as well. The sum total of my Native American Studies undergraduate degree and post-baccalaureate Biology studies, EMT volunteer experience, microbiology research in the use of culturally important Lakota plants as quorum sensing inhibitors, and physician assistant shadowing uniquely qualify me to function as a bridge between the Lakota world and the allopathic world.

[Just Steve]

Where do you plan to apply, and what is that school's view on blending naturopathic with allopathic medicine? I feel that selecting the appropriate school(s) may be a key in using this style of PS. My concern is that if the school you are applying to has a strong bias in evidence based medicine, they will not be as open to have such a diverse student. Conversely, it may work to your benefit if you apply to schools that are also associated with DOs/NPs or work in conjunction with naturopathic schools. If you could find a program where the director is a DO, that would be even better.

 

I applaud your drive and desire. I hope you succeed in your endeavors. But I can't help but to caution against the phrase "to completely redesign how the Indian Health service delivers care on the reservation". I am totally down with your plan. I have not experienced it first hand, but from what I understand, it needs redesign. I am just not sure if coming out in your first paragraph with such a lofty goal is taking the approach of a humble student. A lot of very smart, able bodied, passionate people have tried to re design medical service models in the past without much luck. I vote that you retain your desire to redesign the system, but keep it out of the spot light until you get through school. Maybe re phrase the statement into something along the lines of "I look forward to learning more about the health care delivery model for the Indian Health Services and finding ways where I can help facilitate improvement". That lays you out like a team player, vs a radical coming in to take over.

 

I think your opening statement will encourage people to slow down and actually read your statement. Hopefully the rest of your PS will highlight the experiences that help you understand/prepare you for the role of a PA.

 

Good Luck

[PhilipHennessey]

Thanks! This is why I am glad I posted this...I never would have even thought to consider a few of the things you bought up. So, thanks!

 

I'm still a little confused about what else should be in the personal statement. Given that all of my pertinent information is included in other parts of the application package, is it encouraged or advised against to rehash your clinical experience, shadowing, etc?

[Just Steve]

I worked my past experience into my story of why expanding my role in medicine is the right thing for me. I didn't quite use anecdotes of "this one patient blahblahblah" but rather something like "while working in the OR..." or "... while in the ambulance. These events left me feeling xyz..."

 

There typically isn't just one thing that tips the scale for a person to pursue PA. It is a desire or attitude that can be contributed to a wide variety of factors. I would guess for you it may be seeing PAs as your caregiver on the Reservation, or maybe the series of interactions you had with PAs while dropping patients off at the ER during your EMT time.

 

I feel the PS is a great spot to recap your application into an easy to read synopsis where it will catch the AdCom's eye and make them go "whoa..what was that? Let me read more into this person's application" If I was on a AdCom, I'd start with the PS. This tells me if the applicant has two brain cells to rub together, if they have any life experience, if they have been exposed to medicine, if they have investigated what being a PA is about.. Once you hook them with "I know what I am talking about, and can tell you in a concise manner", they will read more....or at least they did with mine