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Personal statement needs editing asap. Please help


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Ever since we are at a young age we look to the future. We are taught to believe that we can accomplish anything we put our minds to. Like many others in the world we try to define what the future lays for us and that we are destined for more. Looking towards the future few people want to reminisce the past. People however have to realize that we are the sum of our experiences as a whole. Who were are today, is a result of the experiences that have come before us, altering our very future of which we so desparetly seek to unveil. It is with these experiences that have been bestowed upon us that have led towards a realization about the future that holds for us.

Sitting down quietly, hands shaking, I find myself waiting for my physician assistant. She approached me and very kindly asked, “Hey Dhurata are you feeling any better this week?”. Staring into her eyes I nodded in agreement. Her reaction was every so warm as and told me she was going to lower the dosages on the medications I’ve been taking. This kind hearted woman was not only my PA, but also a friend. She consolidated me at my time of need in a remarkable way not only assessing my situation from a medical perspective, but also listening and giving me moral support to perserve through those rough times.

Looking back at the situation, anxiety, depression and lack of sleep had all but taken over my life. In 2010 an armed robbery at a local bank had affected me, the teller at the time, in a traumatic way. My sense of direction in life became skewed until I was treated by my PA at the time. My academics became more difficult to comprehend and confusion encompassed my life.

This experience did alter my direction in life. As a result the many appointments with my PA made me realize that I too wanted to help others in the same way she did. I immediately started shadowing a PA as well as EMT training. During my time while volunteering as an EMT, there was a particular patient that stood out to me, an older woman living in a nursing home. We were called to the scene and found her on the floor bleeding and disoriented. While the paramedics were getting the stretcher, I was able to spend a few moments alone with her, holding her hand and comforting her. It was at that moment that I realized that I was put into a similar position as my pa, helping this confused woman as my pa had done to me. This was a very rewarding feeling as I saw her smile. With these experiences further fueled my passion to help people in need.

One cannot forget the past. I would of never thought back in Albania when I was young that I would be applying for PA school in the U.S. Nor did I ever imagine that instances such as the armed robbery would have left me in search for a career in which I passionately want to pursue. Experiences good or bad really do shape us up into what we become. Helping people in need is one of the greatest pleasures in life that I intend on upholding it in the future.

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What I know about you from your PS:

1. You're Albanian

2. You were a bank teller involved in a bank robbery

3. You did some shadowing, got some EMT training, comforted a hurt woman

4. You were treated for depression/anxiety by a PA and that event helped motivate you to become a PA in about the past 2 years.

5. I have a feeling that your GPA isn't that great based on your statement of "academics became more difficult..."

 

Anything else that you would like to leave the reader with? Anything else that you might want to remove?

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That is a personal choice that's up to you. I personally would scrap your entire PS and start fresh but I have a different personality than you. If I read your PS, I wouldn't be super motivated to interview you without reviewing all the other applicants. Your medical experience is a plus and that keeps me from wanting to skip over your completely. But you've only been tuned into the PA world for a very short time, I am not convinced your grades are that great (from your PS), and I would be curious/concerned if you would or would not be overwhelmed by the stressors of PA school/experiences you'll have practicing medicine.

 

The goal of the PS is not to have your application to be put on the "maybe" pile. You want our PS to be put on the pile "must interview". See if you can't tell us more positive things about you, your life experiences, what you're involved in outside of work such as community service..maybe even touch on the experiences of becoming adjusted to US cultures and how that would make you a more well rounded provider.

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I would remove the whole paragraph: "Ever since we are at a young age we look to the future. We are taught to believe that we can accomplish anything we put our minds to. Like many others in the world we try to define what the future lays for us and that we are destined for more. Looking towards the future few people want to reminisce the past. People however have to realize that we are the sum of our experiences as a whole. Who were are today, is a result of the experiences that have come before us, altering our very future of which we so desparetly seek to unveil. It is with these experiences that have been bestowed upon us that have led towards a realization about the future that holds for us."

 

It is too hard to read and really sets a bad tone for the whole statement. Starting out with the actual story of your meeting with the PA would have a better chance of grabbing the interest of the reader. I also agree to add more about yourself and any other positive attributes you have. Plus, spell out physician assistant, instead of U.S. use U.S.A.. The personal statement needs to show that you can write professionally. I love the core of your statement it just needs to be cleaned up a little bit.

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