Applied 20 schools, 0 interviews - Looking for feedback and review of PS

[FUS2019]

As I begin to prepare for the next cycle, I want to find areas to improve my application. I figure the first place to start is with the PS. I do not find writing as my strongest attribute so any feedback or constructive criticism is welcomed. In my personal opinion, I feel I have pretty thick skin so do not be afraid to rip my writing apart. I will see it as an opportunity to grow and hopefully have a better cycle. Thank you for reading!

PS:

“TRAUMA RED! TRAUMA RED!” The words echoed through the emergency department, setting off a flurry of activity. Everyone, from attendings to nurses, gathered in the trauma bay, fully equipped and ready for the incoming patient. We knew little about the individual, except that they had sustained multiple gunshot wounds and were arriving under police custody. As the paramedics hurriedly transferred care to our team, we sprang into action, knowing that time was of the essence. Unfortunately, despite our best efforts, we were unable to save the patient. 

 

This experience, my first encounter with death in the hospital as a scribe, left me reflecting on the case. Although we lacked vital information about the patient, such as their name, age, and medical history, it did not diminish the quality of care we provided. This event further solidified my desire to be more directly involved in patient care as part of a healthcare team.

 

My interest in medicine sparked in high school, following multiple sports-related injuries that landed me in the office of Dr. Charles Peterson. He was inspired by my curiosity into my own medical problems and allowed me to shadow him for a couple of weeks. He invited me to visit with his patients, “help him” interpret x-rays, and relive his own journey to medicine. This exposure to not only the patient’s, but provider’s perspective made me realize my calling was to serve others in the same way.

 

Inspired by the Christian mandate "Leave everything and follow Me," I left behind the comforts of home and pursued pre-med studies in Steubenville, Ohio. At Franciscan University, I had the privilege of continuing my running career, studying Biology, conducting research, and living in a religious community. My undergraduate experience provided me with invaluable experiences, including living in a 13th-century Carthusian Monastery in Austria, meeting the Pope in Vatican City, and serving those in poverty. These encounters deepened my appreciation for the dignity and intrinsic value of every human person. Guided by my faith and desire for medicine, I felt a personal responsibility to care for underserved populations.

 

Following my undergraduate studies, I immersed myself in the medical field by working full-time as a medical scribe in an outpatient orthopedic clinic and the emergency department. These experiences further exposed me to the dynamic relationship between physicians and PAs. In the emergency room, I got to see hundreds of different PAs and physicians working together. At OrthoArizona, I had the opportunity to routinely work with Jennifer Golding, PA-C, who became my mentor. With nearly two decades of experience, Jennifer possesses extensive medical knowledge and expertise, and she displays many qualities I aspire to emulate as a practitioner. Her adaptability and critical thinking skills, developed through work in rural medicine, trauma, and orthopedic surgery, instilled in me the value of being confident and versatile in patient care. Additionally, her exceptional communication skills enable her to interact effectively with patients, colleagues, and physicians. She listens attentively and conveys complex medical information with compassion and clarity. Above all, her unwavering dedication to patient care serves as a constant reminder of the impact I aspire to make. Jennifer  consistently demonstrates empathy, performs thorough physical exams, and emphasizes treating the patient rather than just the diagnostic findings. She cares. Jennifer, Dr. Peterson, the whole ER staff waiting for that man to arrive, all embody what it means to practice medicine. This is why I hope to enter the profession, to offer that same care.

 

This past year, I applied and was accepted to medical school. During the application cycle, I rushed my decision out of a selfish desire to get started in a healthcare career path. However, after working daily with Jen in orthopedics, seeing the PAs practice in the ED, and my own extensive research, I feel called and passionate about joining the team as a PA. I made the deliberate and informed decision to decline my offer to medical school. I have the utmost respect for MD/DOs, but when I reflect on that first moment in the trauma bay, I cannot see it from a different perspective than that of a PA. 

 

 

[UGoLong]

My thoughts (and only mine):

- Nice overall but maybe:

- A little theatrical to start. You "sprang into action," etc but it doesn't tell us much about how you were reacting inside.

- Quite a lot about how you were going to med schools and then decided not to. Some programs may read between the lines about why you got so far to go to med school and then changed your mind. 

- It doesn't the reader tell much about you as a person, only in terms of your activities. (I think I now know more about your PA preceptor than I do about you.)  How did you get to be the person you are?

My guess is that the PS wasn't the limiting factor. It might have been grades or your references.

Just some thoughts. Best wishes!

[MilitarytoPA]

To add to what was said, this doesn't tell me why you want to be a PA. How do you show why you want to be a PA, you talk about what others have done but not what you have done. You need to show the ADCOM why you want to be a PA. What you can bring to the profession, how do you stand out among the thousands with equal or higher grades. 

I talked about my interaction with PAs where I work, my daughter and her surgery and how the need for her surgery was discovered by a PA student. 

https://www.aapa.org/news-central/2019/05/dos-and-donts-for-writing-a-strong-caspa-personal-statement/

Helped me, also https://www.thepalife.com/12-secrets-to-writing-an-irresistible-pa-school-personal-statement/

I feel you have a lot of drama just starting, and a lot of the don't from https://www.thepalife.com/mistakes/ are applicable. 

[68WEMTto65DPAC]

First of all, I applaud you in being bold about your faith in your statement. In today's world, that is a bold move. I did the same, and I am sure that it cost me some interviews, but, my faith is central to who I am and why I want to practice medicine, so it had to be in my statement. Thankfully I did get interviews and acceptances, so it turned out well in the end.

I think your writing is good, I don't think that is the problem. However, it doesn't tell us much about yourself. Two paragraphs in and you have still to mention why you want to be a PA. Make sure your why statement is abundantly clear in the first and last paragraphs of the essay.

Your third paragraph should be your opening paragraph as long as you tie it to why you want to be a PA and not an MD.

You definitely stated why your mentor is a PA, but you failed to connect all of that to YOU. Your personal statement is about you, and only you. It's okay to mention other people briefly, but you dedicated the majority of your statement to others.

Why mention medical school at all? Why admit that you made the rash decision to decline an acceptance to medical school? Leave all of that out of your statement. This is about why you want to be a PA, not about why you don't want to be anything else.

Who are you? What are your qualities? What have you done for patients? How did you serve those "poor" (I wouldn't use the word poor) communities? How did you come to see the intrinsic value of every human being and how can you uniquely apply that in medicine?

Add at least 1 patient story, one of your patients. What's one occasion that you have done something for a patient that made you think this is why I have to be a PA.

Things I would encourage you to keep:

- your faith being central to who you are
- beginning and ending the statement with the same story