Final draft (I think) of CASPA personal statement, please help! Thank you so much!

[lutherta]

Just needs to be shortened a bit for CASPA, so I really appreciate if you could critique and let me know where I can improve or what I can change, and also what I can take out. Thanks so much!

 

Africa; many would think of safaris, lions and the plains. I think of the developing countries, people on the streets trying to make a living by selling food and crafts, and the hospitals whose walls are barely standing. I was selected to travel to Ghana to procure tissue samples of aggressive phenotype breast cancer that many African women tend to have for our Breast Cancer Research laboratory. While there I was shocked with their reality of no air conditioning, shacks in alley ways as living quarters, and no traffic laws. When we arrived to the hospital, it was more shocking to realize the limited supplies they have, the run-down facilities, and the treatment offered being based on what is available at that time rather than what is most beneficial to the patient. I realized how easily things can be taken for granted, especially the advanced healthcare we are offered in America. This cemented my desire to become a Physician Assistant (PA) and to be able to help those in need.

As a researcher, I rapidly gained medical knowledge and experience while working in breast cancer research, including cancer stem cell theory and targeted therapies in mouse models. I became excited about this amazing potential for a cure for cancer! Within a year on the job, I received raises for my dedication and hard work, and within two years became the Assistant Research Program Manager. I considered obtaining a PhD and continuing in research; I love the daily sense of accomplishment. In addition, having watched my mother battle through aggressive endometrial cancer, a full hysterectomy and radiation, I have witnessed the great need for advances in cancer treatment through research. However, I still felt something was missing; through my experiences, I now know that I thrive on direct interaction with those I am helping. While research gives great opportunity in advancement of medical knowledge, only if I am in medicine will I be able to have the direct patient contact.

I have always had the natural urge to care for others, especially the weak and suffering; it is the most fulfilling feeling to know you have helped another. Another appealing aspect of the PA profession is the ability to work as part of a healthcare team towards the common goal of patient’s overall health and well-being. While researching the PA profession, the vast opportunities for PAs became apparent. Another determining factor is that PAs are more affordable and require shorter training, thus PAs can help reduce the cost of care and increase accessibility to quality health care. It bothers me tremendously that people live in pain or even die because they cannot get the care they need due to finances or accessibility to healthcare providers.

Unfortunately I was not accepted my first time applying to PA school. It was extremely disappointing, but I realized that it was not the right time for me. I took this opportunity to gain more experience and strengthen my knowledge of medicine. My grades do not accurately reflect my capabilities, largely in part due to a medical disability that was significantly affecting my academic performance. As I continued through school, with determination and hard work, I was able to overcome some of the setbacks of the disease enough to improve my grades slightly, however; it was not until I became dedicated to my goal of becoming a PA that I was able to truly overcome my disability and have the motivation to earn the grades that I was capable of. I completed more courses and continued the upward trend in my grades. As an Assistant Program Manager, I continue to fine-tune many skills required to be a successful caregiver, including multi-tasking, prioritizing, and problem solving. I work closely with people of many different nationalities as well as those who do not speak English as a first language, so I have learned how to effectively communicate with many different cultures. I have also had the unique experience of being raised in a very diverse family, my father is Punjabi and was raised in Belgium, and my mother was raised in Brazil so I am extremely comfortable with diversity, and I am able to bring that comfort and experience to others. In addition, I am currently volunteering weekly at St. Joseph Mercy hospital, working with and caring for patients in the Emergency Department.

As I looked around the undeveloped wards of the Komfo Anoyke Teaching Hospital in Ghana, with only a single sheet on wheels as a blind for patient “privacy” in rooms full of beds with patients next to each other, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude but an unquenchable urge to help these people. One of the most touching scenes was a line of people waiting out on the sidewalk, in over hundred degree weather and over night, just to spend five minutes with a physician. Watching loved ones struggle with disease, caring for others in need, and many of my life experiences have made me determined to follow this dream. I look forward to developing close relationships with my patients and making sure they are receiving the best possible care. I believe being a PA is one of the most rewarding careers anyone can have, and given the opportunity, I am confident I will be an asset to the PA profession.

[amyyy]

WOW!!! I can't even imagine that experience that you had in Africa. That is so cool!! I like the essay a lot, but I think that you should take out or revise the paragraph about your disease. I also have a chronic disease and included some information about it in my essay, but I think that the way you worded it was confusing/misleading. First you state that you have poor grades because of you disease, then you state that your grades only improved when you had the drive to be a successful PA. Reword it or take the last part out?? Good luck!

[lutherta]

Thanks very much Amy, I really appreciate your input! I have to shorten it, so that will be perfect. I will clarify the grades issue a bit more and in less words :) Thanks again!

[anamrahman31]

I really like the essay but I think you should take out the part where you talk about your nationality. It really doesnt explain why you want to become a PA other than having a diverse background.

[christopherjmu]

Maybe say you went to Africa for Women's health reserach, or breast cancer research. The goal was to treat women, taking samples was just your role in their care.