first rough draft - PLEASE critique!!

[ecpenfield]

It's only ~3,500 characters right now.. This is a very rough draft. Any and all input is appreciated!!!!!!

 

When my student volunteer team first arrived at our makeshift clinic and the faces of the poverty-stricken citizens peered into our van, I was immediately overcome with excitement and eagerness. We brought our equipment into the church, set up our stations, and began seeing patients within minutes. It was the first time anyone on my team had performed hands-on care, and we were all eager while at the same time nervous to be assessing patients on our own. However, we quickly learned that in Granada, Nicaragua, the patients were willing to take medical advice from anyone who offered it. As the week went on, I became much more comfortable and even confident in performing physical assessments, consulting with my group, and diagnosing patients along side a local physician. I quickly realized that I really enjoyed being a part of a medical team, and as expected, the reward of being able to help people who had next to nothing was invaluable.

 

Before the mission trip, my exposure to healthcare settings as a patient certainly attributed to my desire to be a physician assistant (PA). Because of a few elective surgeries and a two-year battle with chronic tonsillitis and sinusitis, I have had the chance to interact with several physicians and PAs throughout my time at college. I began shadowing several of my healthcare providers, and quickly grew more attracted to the PA career. After seeing the differences between physicians, PAs, and nurses, I immediately saw myself fitting in best as a PA. The challenge of diagnosing patients is exciting to me, and having a physician to collaborate with is reassuring. Not only do PAs have a vast knowledge of the medical field, but they also have an observable passion for the job and earnestness toward their patients. The PAs I know have an enthusiasm for their work that I do not think I could find elsewhere. PAs are a valuable part of the medical team, and they are well received by the patient population.

 

Along with the mission trip, the time I have spent volunteering at a primary care clinic for indigent patients has driven me to further develop my critical thinking skills and gain a more practical understanding of medicine. I have benefitted from being able to put my mind to the test and solve problems alongside a physician. Working with impoverished patients at the primary care clinic and during the mission trip, I have had a chance to see first hand how many people are not educated on personal health. It is shocking to see such a lack of health education, even on topics as simple as knowing what to eat as a diabetic or someone with elevated cholesterol. As a PA, it will be a priority of mine to spend time educating patients on specific details regarding their conditions. In the medical field, the opportunities for teaching are endless, and it is a goal of mine to serve as an educator in order to help those who are uninformed. Being a PA would allow me to take up the role of an educator and ensure that the patients are learning how to better their health.

 

Being the youngest child of older parents facing new health issues of their own has made me realize that our country needs more health professionals, and soon. The aging population is beginning to overwhelm current physicians, and this country needs more health care providers. Since shadowing, volunteering, and serving on a mission trip, I can see myself fulfilling this role as a PA by combining the values of teamwork, compassion, and determination. I cannot see myself in any other field, and I look forward to having a career where I can help people each day. I believe I possess the qualities needed to be a successful PA, and given the opportunity, I will use my experience and willpower to become a valued part of the PA profession.

[pvdude]

It sounds like you are off to a great start. You have some good experiences to talk about.

[jeachen]

Content is great! love your story

[marktheshark89]

This is great so far - in the last sentence i would change "part" to member. Also, I would avoid starting sentences with "being." I think shorter personal statements are great in getting straight to the point, so I wouldn't add anything unneccesarily just to make it longer. One thing you could add is a specific experience with a PA that you had that made an impact on you (you mention having shadowed/been treated by PA's, but it might be better to go into a little more depth as to how the interaction shaped your desire. In your last paragraph, the first two sentences basically state the same thing.You oculd go into more depth about your parents, their health issues, and how that may have influenced your career path aswel (in a separate paragraph), and then have a short concluding paragraph after. But again, this is REALLY good.