This is what Im submitting. Any last words?

[gibsml1]

The PA profession is growing exponentially, and we need more people going into the medical field who truly care about what is going on within their communities. They must be leaders in their field, who are devoted to the positive transformation of the health care system. This is where I believe I can make a small but significant difference as a PA. The most important thing I have noticed about PA’s is that they are hardworking,lighthearted, respectful, and they really enjoy what they do. The PA’s that I have met in the last two years work in both a primary care facility, and the ICU at UF and Shands Trauma One Hospital. The PA who works in the ICU has been there for 20 years and loves her job; the other PA who works in primary care has done everything from emergency medicine to cardiac surgery in his 25 year career.

My parents divorced early in my childhood due to their alcohol addictions. I wanted to help them but had no real ability to do anything myself. The PA who worked at the treatment center where my mother stayed was a hero to me. He inspired confidence that the best care was going to be provided to my mother, and he always made time for us during visits. During my teenage years, I got off course by hanging out with the wrong crowd. The desire to return to school and become a PA came into my mind often, but I was dealing with my own alcohol issues at the time.

Fortunately, I stopped drinking for good in 2004. I began taking classes at Florida State College Jacksonville while running two of my own businesses. I obtained a GED and got a nearly perfect score that won me a scholarship for the first two years of school. I saw a need for someone to encourage the new students in the GED program, so I got permission and began speaking regularly to the class on study habits,self-esteem, and goal setting. As I began to develop my own study habits and got A’s in courses such as College Algebra, I would stop by the class to reassure students about what they could expect and how I accomplished this by setting small goals.

Eventually, FSCJ offered me the opportunity to do a series of TV commercials promoting their various programs of study. I agreed, and to my embarrassment, they ran for four years causing people in the grocery store to often recognize me. When I took an introductory chemistry class to see if I could handle the chemistry required for PA programs, a fellow classmate,who is now applying to medical school, and I had a friendly competition going. At the end of the semester, I had a 99.8, the highest grade in the class. This showed me that I could do anything I set my mind to.

Finally, volunteer work has been important to me for years; I have volunteered all over my community, especially with people in recovery from alcohol. I am a certified Phlebotomist, and I have decided to become a CNA in August. What draws me to the PA profession is the flexibility to workin different fields of medicine, and the skill set necessary to diagnose disease, order tests, and write prescriptions. My objective is to work in rural medicine or primary care around the institution that I graduate from, so I can make a small, but significant difference around the area that allows me to realize my dream of becoming a PA.

[mktalon]

You have interesting experiences, but this still reads as if you only had 5000 characters to tell your whole life story so you just threw everything out there as it came to mind. Well you do only have 5000 characters to tell your whole life story. The trick is to do it so it doesnt sound as if you are trying to cram in there as much as you can even though you need to cram in there as much as you can. For programs that have an easy going culture, I'm sure you'd probably get an interview from them. Schools that are really uptight, where they are just dying for you to make a mistake so they can weed you out... I think they would weed this out because of the way it reads.

[mktalon]

Something that you have going for you... I can read the enthusiasm that you have and that can go a long way. Whatever you do to edit this, don't lose the enthusiasm. I'd say keep an element of the randomness in your ps because it gives a sense of urgency in your story. Just try to tie the paragraphs together a little more, and try not to cover TOO many topics in any one paragraph.

[d3t3rm1n3d]

you clearly have drive, and that is respectable. i enjoyed reading how you overcame adversity and turned your life into something more meaningful. there a some grammatical errors i would fix before submitting, if it's not too late. private message me if you'd like an extra help.