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My personal statement final draft...please critique!

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Hey everyone, Ive finalized my personal statement and would just like some suggestions, opinions and any advice possible. Thank you!!


Character, desire, determination, and life experience are the bricks that have paved my path to a career as a physician assistant.


At an early age I learned about altruism. It was only a matter of time until I began helping others on a regular basis, whether by contributing to a charity, or by lending a hand, no matter how small the deed. My pride in helping others along with my experience in the medical field, has given me the motivation and confidence to become a physician assistant.


A physical therapy aide for over a year, I've seen the challenges people with disabilities and injuries must endure. This has allowed me to have a positive impact on the health of those who struggle with everyday tasks that are normally taken for granted. I feel deep compassion when meeting a patient with low hope because of an injury or disease, as well as immediate gratitude to have the opportunity play a significant role in that patients' journey to a better health and overall quality of life. Working with patients who have had anything from total knee and hip replacements to reconstructive shoulder surgery, my assistance has helped them to become pain free and mobile. It has been a privilege to work and develop relationships with such patients as the make their recovery. I would enjoy to continue to be part of the healing process but I would love to help patients from the start, by assisting in surgeries.


My experience volunteering with Habitat for Humanity, along with obtaining my certification as a VIBS Emergency Room Companion has provided me with a deeper understanding for people with physical and emotional needs. Shadowing a Family Care PA allowed me to experience the different situations a PA will encounter, as well as learning more about different patients and illnesses. Earning my EMT certification, and observing in the Emergency Room at Stony Brook Hospital have given me confidence and advancement of knowledge that essential to my success. Furthermore, during my clinical rotation in the ER, I was part of a team performing compressions on an elderly man in cardiac arrest. This experience was truly life changing.


As an undergraduate, I struggled to keep up my studies while part of a Division I Ice Hockey team, and working nearly thirty hours each week. I have taken my experiences, learned from them and matured. I can now balance my time more efficiently and prioritize what is important. As a member of the hockey team I have refined my leadership skills, character, and team player attitude, all while maintaining and upward trend in my grades. Earning a 3.76 cumulative GPA, and 3.65 science GPA in my last 62 credits, with a 4.0 GPA in post-baccalaureate studies, gives evidence of my determination, commitment and true potential. Challenging myself with upper level science courses, as well as medical terminology, has strengthened my overall knowledge.


My compassion and drive to help others around me every day is what motivates me to succeed in a career as a PA. I strive to achieve a balance between a career and family life, while fulfilling my desire to practice medicine. I am confident that my hard work, knowledge and experiences along the way will help me succeed in having the most positive impact on others I care for. Therefore, a career as a PA is the best fit for myself for who I am and what I believe in.


***** I was wondering if it is okay in length (not too short) and if it was okay where I used "PA" instead of "physician assistant" in some places

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I really liked your personal statement! I thought it was well laid out and you wrote very clearly. Just these two sentences were a little grammatically incorrect.


"It has been a privilege to work and develop relationships with such patients as they make their recovery. I would enjoy continuing to be a part of the healing process, but want to help patients from the beginning (no comma) by assisting in surgeries."


I would also be a little more clear about the GPA situation. I played only one semester of Junior College soccer and it was a huge time comittment. I can only imagine how it was on a D1 team. I would say more about how many hours a week you spent on that (probably like 30 hours a week right?). Then instead of saying "nearly 30 hours a week" say at least 25 hours a week. I think people might not understand how many hours are required by college sports.


Good luck!

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Thank you so much for taking the time and really reading my PS. I appreciate all the corrections and love the advice you gave me about mentioning the committment required from the sport...yes, we had practice Tuesday night, Wed afternoon, Thurs night and games two night out of Fri-sat-sun. Most games were away where I attempted but struggled to study all my work on 5-9 hour bus rides and in hotels. And thats not to mention all the team meetings and off ice training, it was a lot for sure.

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